Request to wear kilt at funeral - but I don't want to!

**Frank McGrath** · 7th May 12, 04:18 AM

I have left instructions for my memorial service. I have donated my carcass to the state anatomy board for research. My instructions include the music , which include a piper, and rock and roll. I have left instructions for a barbeque and for the mode of dress, Hawaiian shirts and shorts. Kilts will be more that welcome. Anyone showing up in anything else will be haunted for the rest of their days. I love a good party. I want to go out with a big one. Party, that is. So, I hope and pray that everyone will accept my wife's request that it be very informal and everyone remember me as I was, not mourn my passing. When The masons do my memorial, They will probably have to get a dispensation from Grand Lodge for my send off. NO TUXEDOs. So if the wife wants something, do it. I am sorry that your friend passed, but the living have a responsibilty to each other. Just do it. If you are worried about standing out, wear white hose. No one will come close.

Frank

**JSFMACLJR** · 7th May 12, 04:47 AM

Originally Posted by Tobus

Thanks for the comments and advice, gentlemen. I had a hectic morning and was running late, and ended up just putting on khaki trousers and a tattersal shirt. There were lots of people there wearing tie-dyed shirts, but for the majority of folks who wore regular clothes, they provided strips of tie-dyed fabric to wear as armbands. The widow was, understandably, a wreck, and the subject never came up about wearing a kilt or not. To be honest, I don't even know if she would have noticed it if I had.

You did the right thing, Tobus.

**Jack Daw** · 7th May 12, 05:24 AM

Sorry to read of your loss, Tobus.

**creagdhubh** · 7th May 12, 06:53 AM

Originally Posted by JSFMACLJR

You did the right thing, Tobus.

Though I still maintain the kilt would have been fine, I agree too, you did the right thing.

Cheers mate,

**English Bloke** · 7th May 12, 07:11 AM

Again, my condolences. That must have been a tough one.

Edit: The funeral that is, not the Kilt issue, which isn't really important.

**creagdhubh** · 7th May 12, 07:33 AM

Originally Posted by English Bloke

Edit: The funeral that is, not the Kilt issue, which isn't really important.

Precisely, John.

**Father Bill** · 7th May 12, 03:57 PM

Deepest sympathy. In some ways you're in a no-win situation just when you too are in mourning for your friend.

Every blessing, and remember that whatever decision you make, it IS the right one, so don't second-think it afterwards. Hold your head high and say a prayer for your friend, for his wife, and for yourself.

Pax

**davedove** · 8th May 12, 04:47 AM

Originally Posted by Tobus

Thanks for the comments and advice, gentlemen. I had a hectic morning and was running late, and ended up just putting on khaki trousers and a tattersal shirt. There were lots of people there wearing tie-dyed shirts, but for the majority of folks who wore regular clothes, they provided strips of tie-dyed fabric to wear as armbands. The widow was, understandably, a wreck, and the subject never came up about wearing a kilt or not. To be honest, I don't even know if she would have noticed it if I had.

I know I'm late coming into this thread and it's a done deal now, but I feel a need to comment. I'm glad it all worked out, but I feel you made the wrong decision. My answer is based on the way you stated your reasoning:

Originally Posted by Tobus

The problem is, I really don't want to. I just think it would be weird in this context. In my small rural Texas town, it would automatically make me the center of attention, and I don't think that's appropriate. Basically, my mindset is usually that funerals are not the place to dress in a manner where people will leave and talk about what you wore later, even if it's in a positive way. Plus, I don't even think I had ever worn the kilt around him, so it's not like he necessarily liked my kilt or even knew what it looked like. His widow has seen me in it, though, and thinks it's great (she's from England and has more appreciation for it than the locals would, I think).

This whole statement is about what YOU feel and what YOU believe about the situation and that was the wrong way to think about it. Your decision should have been based on HER desires.

Anyway, I sorry about the loss of your friend and anything I say is just my opinion.

**kilted bear** · 8th May 12, 05:21 AM

First my condolences to you and your family. As an active duty military commander I know how difficult these events can be, as I go to far to many. Remember the good times and hold dear the memories. Nuff said.