Trog Log: Transforming a 170-pound weakling into a highland athlete.

[Alan H]

Treadmill? *blink*

I was gonna revoke your man-card for owning a treadmill, but you won me over with the vomitorium.

[LitTrog]

I know, I know. But it was free! I'll even drink Budweiser if I ain't paying for it.

There's certainly something more satisfying about going out running in 20 degree weather--you feel like you've overcome a hurdle just to do something productive. And chipping away at that frozen rivulet of snot that's crinkling your lip can be fun! I've used one of these things a handful of times in my life--given the difficulty I have walking and chewing gum simultaneously, I may just lose my balance and get launched against the back wall.

I'll take video in case it goes down that way.

[Alan H]

I know, I know. But it was free! I'll even drink Budweiser if I ain't paying for it.

There's certainly something more satisfying about going out running in 20 degree weather--you feel like you've overcome a hurdle just to do something productive. And chipping away at that frozen rivulet of snot that's crinkling your lip can be fun! I've used one of these things a handful of times in my life--given the difficulty I have walking and chewing gum simultaneously, I may just lose my balance and get launched against the back wall.

I'll take video in case it goes down that way.

I used to be a runner.

Yes, I know, I know.....save the uproarious laughter. It's true. Back in the 80's I did 5-6 10k's a couple of 5k's and did the running leg of a biathlon, while the Luminous J. did the swimming. I even flirted hard with doing a half-marathon. Not that I was FAST or anything, I mean my 10k's were all about 45 minutes, but I DID them. I have fond memories of winter evening running, when the water in the ruts along the road was starting to freeze over.

OK, so that only happened about four times, total in the 4+ years I ran, seriously, but I REMEMBER THEM.

[LitTrog]

I used to be a runner.

Yes, I know, I know.....save the uproarious laughter. Not that I was FAST or anything, I mean my 10k's were all about 45 minutes, but I DID them.

Gah--you'll get no laughter over here. A 45-minute 10k is perfectly fine! That's my opinion 'cause I ain't any faster--I got stumpy legs and the lung capacity of a sammich bag. It's the doing it that feels good, since I've never liked/been good at running. Lifting is fun and I'm really getting a kick out of my throwing practices, but running is a chore. One I've definitely let slide. I always wonder about the knees on bigger guys like you--when I was younger and much more fit, my knees felt much crappier than they do now; the difference is I was about 15 pounds heavier. At least there's a benefit to being insubstanial!

Verdict on the 'mill: Don't like it very much--my stride feels unnatural and if I'm going to spend time staring at a wall, I'd rather have a bloodstream full of hallucinogenics while doing it.

However.

It will save time in the morning warming up for my lifts.

I can't use icy sidewalks as an excuse to fatten my @ss.

I can play a book on tape/disc to deflate the boredom.

My wife is excited to use it--she's been hosting post-smoker weight that she doesn't like. (For some reason she believes I care how much she weighs...I explained that my vanity is my own--I'm not good at sharing bad qualities. Another bad quality, I guess.)

I made the mistake of showing littleman youtube vids to illustrate how dangerous treadmills are. His eyes lit up and he's already thought of tons of crap to drop onto the maxed-out belt to launch across the room. Good job, me.

I'll give it a provisional thumbs-up as long as I get to keep my man card. I'd make a really ugly chick.

[RogerWS76]

Verdict on the 'mill: Don't like it very much--my stride feels unnatural and if I'm going to spend time staring at a wall, I'd rather have a bloodstream full of hallucinogenics while doing it.

Stick a small flat screen on the wall in front of you!

[LitTrog]

Stick a small flat screen on the wall in front of you!

A very good idea, but I have a problem with TV. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those folks who maintain a sniffing superiority because they eschew "popular," mind-trashing entertainment. One of the reasons I like TV, actually, rascal that I be. No, TV is a wicked soporific for me--I'm actually afraid that I'd fall asleep mid-stride and end up a hilarious cautionary tale for some dad who wants to keep his kid off the treadmill.

What I could do is set up a video camera behind me and loop it to the screen in front of me, so all I see is me running. Then it'd be like I'm trying to chase down the dirty sonofa _____ that's been sleeping with my wife. Which, I suppose, would be true. Could work.

[be da veva]

Or, you can stop pretending and just admit that you want to look at your butt while you run....

[LitTrog]

Or, you can stop pretending and just admit that you want to look at your butt while you run....

Darn tootin'!

I need to know what my wife's talking about when she whistles and calls me her "callipygian cow." Don't know where her emphasis is...fine or bovine?

[Alan H]

Another one of those SAT words. Now *I'm* getting confused.

[RogerWS76]

Comes from a statue of Venus's A$$ called the Aphrodite Kallipygos, which means "Venus of the beautiful buttocks". So I guess his wife thinks his butt is nether fine NOR bovine but feminine! Ha!