Advice Needed

**Psynister** · 6th June 13, 07:42 AM

What is really going on here? Is the guy joining your clan, or is he joining your family?

If he's joining your clan, then sure go ahead and check with a higher authority. If he's joining your family, then you are the authority.

My suggestion would be to have a small ceremony/celebration before the wedding during which you present him with the tartan so that he can wear it during the ceremony with your blessing as the head of the family (without falsely representing himself prior to the actual union).

**Phil** · 6th June 13, 09:10 AM

Is it just me or is anyone else intrigued by how controversial it seems to be for someone to wear a particular tartan? I am amazed at suggestions like "ask your chief" as if there was some permission required from on high. It just doesn't happen in the real world so please get over it folks. This is an item of clothing not some holy grail and, apart from a (very) few tartans, available to all, the only pre-requisite being handing over the necessary cash.

**Wil** · 6th June 13, 09:28 AM

Phil, I cannot agree with you more. This is a controversial topic and can be the sacred right of someone, this tartan stands for something. It just isn't a pretty plaid fabric with pretty colors in it. Some men want to put it on for 30 mins take a few pics and take it off.
Others see it as where his/her family is from, the proud stock that one is made up of (so to speak).
I stand by by prior comment, one that Phil dislikes.... "ask your chief"

**LANCER1562** · 10th June 13, 11:38 PM

Gentlemen,
Thank you all for your advice and comments. However, as of this past Saturday, it is a moot point as there will be no wedding. Initially, it was due to a lack of funds, now it is because they are no longer a couple.

I have no details other than what my daughter posted on facebook.

**Jock Scot** · 11th June 13, 01:24 AM

Originally Posted by LANCER1562

Gentlemen,
Thank you all for your advice and comments. However, as of this past Saturday, it is a moot point as there will be no wedding. Initially, it was due to a lack of funds, now it is because they are no longer a couple.

I have no details other than what my daughter posted on facebook.

I am sorry to hear that Lancer, but maybe for whatever reason best known to the couple, its for the best.

On the greater point, this situation of a person who hails from outwith Scotland marrying into a Scots family, must happen in Scotland hundreds if not thousands of times a year, its no big deal. If the future son in law, from say, Mongolia, wishes to wear the kilt in the "family tartan", then why not? Yes maybe the bride's family might suggest it and the suggestion may be taken up , but that's it. What would not be expected and quite probably frowned upon, however, would be for the new member of the family to wear other tartans of other clans after the event. I don't think that any Scot would even consider asking their Chief, if the event was in Scotland and with a Scots family being involved. Although I can see the courtesy aspect for a non-Scot, in a situation outwith Scotland. But in truth, who is going to know? Or, Care?

**LANCER1562** · 11th June 13, 02:44 AM

Jock Scot,
A little information may be in order here. The daughter in question is actually my stepdaughter (cringe) who is half Filipino on her mother's side and a mixture of Hawaiian, Hispanic and Irish on her biological father's side and therefore, no Scottish blood to speak of. The ex-fiance is half Mexican and half El Salvadorian so, no Celtic blood there either.

**Jock Scot** · 11th June 13, 03:05 AM

Oh I know the "step"thing only too well as I "inherited" two myself. Yes its a "complication" on the tartan front thing, but in reality its not , your step daughter IS part of of your family, that is of no doubt. Again that is an aspect that many thousands of Scottish families face, without too much angst, I think. Frankly, choice of tartan is at the very bottom of the priority list from an everyday point of view for most.

If it helps you in some way, when my two step children were of an age to have a kilt made for them, they were given the choice of wearing "my" tartan, or their late father's tartan, they(rightly in my view) chose their father's tartan and their decision is respected by all. Whilst every situation has its differences as far as step children are concerned( yes they may have issues that they/we may struggle with), I am sure that you will agree that they ARE STILL part of the family.

**creagdhubh** · 11th June 13, 05:24 AM

Originally Posted by davidlpope

It seems to me that you're overthinking this. If you believe that one of the results of this marriage is that your future son-in-law becomes part of your family, and if he doesn't already have a tartan "of his own", then it makes sense for him to wear the tartan that the rest of your family does.

If you are concerned, though, about the propriety of it, then the correct person to inquire with is your clan chief. He or she (IMO) is the sole arbiter of who may wear their tartan, if they are inclined to exercise that right. I suspect that most chiefs, though, are busy with more pressing things.

Precisely. Well said, David.