Unsolicited Advice For Those Unpleasant Occasions (Feel Free to Contribute)

[Richrail]

I must agree no loss, it would seem that said friend was not a real friend.

[Father Bill]

Despite the very accurate comments that this was never really a friend, it's still upsetting to find out that someone you thought was a friend, is now deleted from your friendship list. Nobody likes to find out that we've been wrong in that way.

[Destin_scot]

I'd take that comment as a compliment, (I know the person may have been trying to insult, but intended or not she implied experience with the world and possibly wisdom); at 50 years of age, I am still amazed at what I can learn from those older than myself, (and those younger as well). It is painful to lose a friend, but the world won't stop spinning because of her.

[PiperChick]

An old man? I beg to differ. #1: I wear a kilt, and not once has anyone mentioned that I look like an old man. #2 I happen to have quite a collection of VVEEERRRYYY good looking (and ...ahem... younger than me) "pinup boy" pictures in kilts. Obviously she doesn't get out very much. And #3 IMHO, age has nothing to do with it. There isn't much of anything more attractive in a man than confidence. It takes exactly that to don a kilt.

[guardsman]

For such a comment I would think she was hurting too , partners and friends can always hurt, dare say she regrets the cheap shot really , so dont worry about it eh , cheers , ps forgiveness is divine !

[Chas]

and that they make me look like an old man.

My immediate answer would have been "Well, at least we have that in common."

[Laird_M]

Ok, first off I'm sure you are a lovely guy with many good qualities that someone, the right one, would value and cherish.

This person is obviously not happy with herself and hurting in her own mind - she is the one with the problem, not you.

When someone is unhappy they take any chance for a cheap snipe - I speak from experience, my ex was unhappy that she didn't have the 'perfect' galmour model figure, she wasn't as intelligent as others, she couldn't live the glamour model lifestyle, she had a low paid, low respect job. I got occasioanl complements from women which obviously meant I fancied them. And it was all my fault - I had a better job, higher IQ, had done more with my life, was happier in myself.

When I finally got the sense to walk out on her after 5 years of shere hell, she did everything she could to alienate everybody towards me. I was a weakling, a coward, obviously a homosexual, every bit of vitriloic she could make up, she used. I've since found out that she also had mental health issues, which I had, uncharitably, assumed she had...

Due to the experience I vowed to stay single, became introverted, gave up my hobbies, etc. but eventually learned to make peace with myself and move on.

I then met a beautiful, caring, loving lady who herself had had a bad time with a violent, abusive husband who drank, had mental health issues, and whose family blamed it all on her.

It's so easy to blame your troubles and personal unahppiness on someone else, which your ex clearly did to you.

We've now been together 8 years, married - 5, had a 2nd child. OK, life isn't always perfect, we still have arguments, we could do with more money, better neighbours, but as someone recently said "we're obviuosly very close, care a lot for each other and are a united family".

As we Buddhists say, the past is gone, the future is unseen, so leave the past where it belongs, be happy with your self and life will bring you happiness.

May the Triple Gems bless you and remember one of our meditations "May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I be well, may I be free from pain. May every being be happy, be well, be healthy, may very being be free from pain".

[TheOfficialBren]

Martin, Simon, Chas, Piper Chick, guardsman, Father Bill, et al:

Sound advice. Thank you.

Martin, make no mistake, this is not an 'ex' or 'partner' of any sort. Just a former friend.

[creagdhubh]

"--------look like an old man-------". Oi! I resemble that remark! As long as you are doing no harm to anyone, then, carry on carrying on.

Hahaha! Precisely!

[creagdhubh]

You know what Bren mate, you may have one dissenter but you have hundreds on here right behind you and standing shoulder to shoulder with you. I know where I'd rather be. Chin up mate. Onwards and upwards as they say.

Indeed. Well said, Simon.