A Kilted Man's Guide to Cruising...on a Ship!

[richardljohnson]

I've been away for a while on a vacation cruise to Mexico. I decided many months ago to try it kilted. I did take swim trunk and a pair of pants just incase. We also had a formal night so I got together my outfit and took off to Mexico.

The following are some key points if you plan to take a cruise in a kilt.

1.DO NOT reorganize a sporron in a taxi on way to the ship to make it easier to get through security. AND, if you do, make sure your Travelers Checks don't fall out when you get out of the taxi and you don't realize it!

2.Always get the name of you taxi driver on the way to the ship in the event YOU DO lose the travelers checks in the taxi!

3.If the Dock Security Supervisor walks up and ask if you are carrying a sgian dubh before you go through the metal detector MAKE FRIEND WITH HIM! If your lucky he will contact ship security and tell them what to expect when the bags are x-rayed...also hope is Clan is not an old rival with your Clan.

4.Just DON'T EVEN THINK about a Claymore or Dirk!

5.NEVER go regemental because...
a.Preboarding drunks from the party that morning.
b.After boarding drunks after getting on board.
c.High velocity AC air ducts at major entrances (shades of Marilyn Monroe!)
d.Ship stairways are glass lined and walking up 10 flights with ALOT of women on board could be interesting...unless your wife is with you!

4.A ship going 20 knots (about 20-25 mph) and a 8 or 9 yard kilt REALLY catches the wind to make a kilt into a parachute.

6.Expect funny looks from the passangers and good comments from the crew, eapecially if they come from europe.

7.Expect names like Kiltman, the Kilted Wonder, Braveheart or Kiltie.

8.When in Mexico expect looks...especially from the Mexican Security or Military...I guess they are concerned that Scotland might invade Mexico.

9.When in Cancun understand that they will not let a kilt in the water with the dolphins even if they are poly vicous and ESPECIALLY if you want to take a picture of a dolphin in a kilt for some guy named Rocky.

10.After waiting for a taxi after playing with the dolphins and two guys walk up and one says “I wish I had worn my kilt, it would have been cooler!” and the Older one says laughing, “And I could wear my trews and we could have really been a sight.” Just agree and wonder how life is kind of funny.

11.If your ever at Calica Mexico and you hear a lot of spanish and “Scotland” followed by more spanish just smile, agree and keep walking...ESPECIALLY if the guys is a security guard.

12.Be ready to give the answer over 500 times, “
a.No, I'm not from Scoland but my family on both sides is.
b.Some guys buy a little red sports car in there midlife crisis I bought a kilt!
c.No, I don't play the pipes, BUT I do drink Scotch, want to buy me one!
d.What's worn under a kilt? On a good day lipstick BUT everyday I'm in a kilt is a good day! (Laugh and hope the woman doesn't ask to check it out with your wife there!)

13.When at a set of ruins in 90+ degrees and 90+% humidity and two guys with Austrailian accents say, “Say mate, looks like your the coolest one here!” Just answer “Yes, there are advantages to a kilt!”

14.When walking down a passage way in swim trunks past a Ship Security Officer expect to hear “So, where's the kilt?” AND don't be surprised if ALL the ships crew knows who you are and what cabin you are in!!!!!! (Yep, kinda of nice BUT you can't get away with anything!)

15.When the US Imigration Officer ask if they are making kilts in Mexico now DON'T reply “I must have gone to the wrong country!”

These are just the highlights of my Kilted Man's Guide to Cruising...on a ship!

Pic's will follow soon.

RLJ-

[GMan]

Richard,

What a great list, I will have to remember what to do next time I take a cruise!

Sounds like you had a great time

[Rufus]

When I first read this title, I thought it was about something completely different.

Richard, I hope that you trip was still good, despite losing the travelers checks. I am still curious why they wouldn't let you wear your kilt in the water with the dolphin. I figure that if a dolphin can swim in fish feces, then even a really dirty kilt should be fine.

Welcome back. It sounds like you had a good trip.

[Rob Wright]

Richard it sounds like you and your wife had a wonderful trip.

No, I don't play the pipes, BUT I do drink Scotch, want to buy me one!

I need to remember this one for the next time someone asks me if I play the bagpipes

Rob Wright

[richardljohnson]

Yes it was a great trip. We had fun and I tried to have fun with the staff. The did say that occassionally they get someone kilted on formal night but not the whole trip.

Some of the pictures are posted in my gallery. Hope everyone enjoys them.

This is my favorite (must be logged in to view).



RLJ-

[GMan]

Richard,

Who is that guy with the good looking lady

Checked out your gallery, and wishing that it was me in those pictures. I especially enjoyed the one with you shaking hands with the Aztec dancer, what a colorful sight with the two of you

[Graham]

that's the funniest thing I've read for a while, I still have a grin on the boat race!!

Sorry about the checks, did you get them back?

That trip must be a real challenge in a kilt, you get my vote for Braveheart #1
Your wife must also be an amazing person for sticking by you through it all!

[richardljohnson]

Sorry about not getting into more details. Yes, I did get the checks. They finally got hold of the driver and he found them. What happened was I was in the back seat of a van. When I got up to 'stoop' out of the van the sporron probably got caught on the seat infront of me when I moved around it and tilted forward. Becuase I had put the checks on top and in front where I could pull them out fast when I put the sporron through the x-ray they just fell out. I'm fortunate that the cash didn't fall out or that would also be lost and I probably would not have been as lucky. I am now a firm believer in travelers checks! I think that is why I got them back, although I'd like to believe the driver would have been honest enough to return the cash if I had lost it also.

And don't tell her I said this but she is something to put up with me and I'm thankful she does!

RLJ-

[Freelander Sporrano]

Hey Richard I'm sorry I missed this post. I split my sides reading your guide. I hope you found your travellers cheques.

The picture of your wife and your good self was knockout you both look great. The Gunn Tartan is great (Mind you I'm biased )

Great stuff...all the best....David

[MDR-V300]

15.When the US Imigration Officer ask if they are making kilts in Mexico now DON'T reply “I must have gone to the wrong country!”
RLJ-

Now that you've warned me of the dangers of trying this, I've just got to try it out!
I think it would be absolutely hilarious.