Just let the wife know

**Dreadbelly** · 17th December 04, 09:01 PM

Originally Posted by Atticus

Oh and by the way blk_watch...

go get a cortisone shot for that tennis elbow! (I saw the brace in your gallery pic). The shot is almost painless and people get much better...at least with the ones for tennis elbow.

LIAR!!

Had to get cortizone shots in my joints... In my jaw in particular, hurt like heck! Doctors saying shots don't hurt... I could feel the cold metal needle scraping around in there. EEEW argh. Scraping! MUCH pain. Like fingernails on a chalkboard, only inside of you.

DO NO HARM! Make no owies.

I didn't even get a sucker for my efforts.

Hrrmph.

**Jimmy Carbomb** · 17th December 04, 09:54 PM

Good thing she wasn't around when I was strolling around Laclede's Landing in mine! I'm sure that it would have been fodder for some wicked comment!

My (very soon to be) wife met me while I was wearing a kilt. Our first date... I was in a kilt. I proposed in a kilt, and we'll be married while I'm in a kilt. I think she accepts it.

The long-gone EX, on the other hand...

**Kilted Kit** · 17th December 04, 10:25 PM

Dana,
I'll put on my Dr. Phil bald wig and suggest your wife may be suffering from:
-Genuphobia ( a morbid fear of knees)
-Vestiphobia (in this case a fear of certain clothing)
Or may I coin a new category?:
- Kilterphobia (a fear of men in kilts)
This phobia is not uncommon and has been exploited for years by British Generals.
As with most phobias it will be overcome with gentle,increasing exposure to the source of the irrational fear.
Best of luck.
Kit
As Mike n NC suggests the're more afraid of you than you are of them...

**Graham** · 18th December 04, 04:26 AM

Just tell her who is boss!

The man is the head of the house!

You work hard for your money and you have the right to spend it on a kilt if you want to, provided your family is not going hungry because of it!

A wife will respect a man who has the ability to make difficult decisions, stand out from the crowd and next to his convictions.

**Mychael Sporrano** · 18th December 04, 06:39 AM

Originally Posted by Graham

Just tell her who is boss!

The man is the head of the house!

You work hard for your money and you have the right to spend it on a kilt if you want to, provided your family is not going hungry because of it!

A wife will respect a man who has the ability to make difficult decisions, stand out from the crowd and next to his convictions.

I agree for the better part with the last two sentences. Provided the funds are available after the kids are properly fed and shod, if you indulge your spouse her reasonable requests, she should be willing to indulge your reasonable requests in turn. It is also my experience that women do generally appreciate a man with convictions. It is that standing-out-from-the-crowd thing that gets most of them...

I am lucky insofar that I have a wife who adores kilts and who also indulges their purchase. I owe a tremendous debt to both Eric Stolz and Liam Neeson for this first part! That said, she wasn't so comfortable at first when it came to being seen in public with a man in a kilt. However, her comfort level increased substantially with a few successful outings.

Dana, if your wife simply isn't thrilled with this idea, she may change her mind with a little time and patience on your part- and then again, she may not... I don't think that making a big stand at this point is the best answer. You of course would be the best judge of this, but my guess is that it could be every bit as destructive to your relationship as her present anti-kilt stand. Having both members of a relationship feeling resentment toward the other is about as productive as showing your high beams to an approaching car that is inconsiderate or careless enough to leave his high beams on: everyone involved is blinded, and there exists the potential for further degradation of the situation.

This is not an avocation of capitulation. What I would do is make an attempt to talk it out and see if reason could prevail. When things like this arise, they are typically only a symptom of a larger problem and not the problem itself. I really like what Graham wrote above about how you should expect to be able to explore the things that interest you once your obligation to family is filled. I don't feel that you are entitled to this because you are a man, necessarily; rather, you have earned this privilege because you are a responsible, caring partner who extends equal courtesy to your partner.

Mychael

**bubba** · 18th December 04, 06:50 AM

My suggestion is sneak up on it. Start out just wearing it around the house for awhile to kinda get her used to it, then gradually expand with short trips to the store, etc.

**Barb T** · 18th December 04, 07:08 AM

Hi Dana

Does your wife like pipe music?? If not, then skip the rest of this. If she does, you might get a copy of the new DVD/video "When the Pipers Play". Holy cow. Is it ever moving - I had tears in my eyes, and, when I got done, I thought, now _that's_ why I play the pipes.

Anyway - if she's willing to watch, she'll see lots of kilted guys who look really swell, and none of them look like they're wearing skirts!

One of the truly remarkable scenes in the video comes from the Battle of the Somme, WW I, 1917. B&W footage of the trenches, and a piper climbing out of the trenches followed by kilted soldiers with rifles running toward the German lines. Doesn't get much more gutsy than that.

Lots of places sell it. Here's one:

http://www.abitofhome.ca/Merchant2/m..._Code=40929-06

Cheers,

Barb

**Blu (Ontario)** · 18th December 04, 07:16 AM

Originally Posted by blk_watch

... For some reason she is very opposed to me having one. She's not even giving it a chance, being very close minded about it. ...dana

This is not much different than the situation that I faced several years ago. From personal experience, I'm going to suggest that the most important step you can take is to sit down with your wife and have a frank, open, level headed, and non-confrontational discussion to get to the root cause of her objections. Chances are that she is mostly concerned about what her family, friends, and neighbors are going to think and say. She may see it as a pointless and absurd self-indulgence. Make no mistake... these are very powerful influences. She may, due to common misperceptions and misinformation, also be concerned that you have a hidden agenda. Your most important mission is to dispel her negative circular reasoning and objections, and offer reassurances that you haven't lost your marbles. But be prepared. Read the essays at kiltmen.com. She will test your resolve. Your gentle but firm persistence will likely be required and it may take quite some time. (In my case it took several years.) I'm quite confident that your efforts will pay off. If I can do it, so can you.

Good luck, Dana!

**bubba** · 18th December 04, 07:30 AM

She may have the same practical objection my wife did at first, cost. She objected strongly to the idea of spending hundreds of dollars on one garment when I can get jeans for $20. I convinced her that buying one casual kilt would give me a chance to study it and then I could make my own. She really hasn't had any problem with it since and rather likes the look. In fact, her only concern now is how it'll work out during the cold weather. She's never been concerned about what friends and family think of it and there's been no problem in that regard at all. Do have a heart to heart with your lady and find out what her real objection is. It might be entirely different than you think.

**phil h** · 18th December 04, 09:11 AM

just sneak it in once in a while.
once she sees all the positive comments/reactions she'll be fine.
my wife said my leather kilt looked a bit gay, and only to wear it when not out with her.but we ran into one of her old work friends, who made a comment on how nice it looked,she seemed a bit more at ease with it.
if that dont werk, hypnotize her

good luck.