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19th August 20, 08:32 AM
#1
Musician Jokes
In another thread OC Richard mentioned a few classic musician jokes. It got me to thinking of the ones I appreciate...
For example:
What do you do if you find a drummer standing on your doorstep?
Pay him for the pizza...He'll leave.
Or:
What do you throw to a guitarist who's fallen overboard?
His amplifier.
Do YOU have any good musician jokes?
'A damned ill-conditioned sort of an ape. It had a can of ale at every pot-house on the road, and is reeling drunk. "
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19th August 20, 04:46 PM
#2
Here are a few of questionable quality...
What’s the difference between a lawnmower and a saxophone?
You can tune a lawnmower.
What’s the definition of a gentleman?
A man who could play the saxophone, but chooses not to.
What’s the difference between Northumbrian smallpipes and the great Highland bagpipes?
The Northumbrian smallpipes burn hotter, but the great Highland bagpipes burn longer.
There was an accordion player who was going out for a drink after a show with his friend and was nervous about leaving his instrument in the car as he didn't want to get it stolen. His friend told him it was alright and nobody would try to steal an accordion. After a night of drinking they walk back to the car and notice a window is broken. The musician is mad at his friend for letting him leave the instrument until they get to the car and find two accordions.
Shaun Maxwell
Vice President & Texas Commissioner
Clan Maxwell Society
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20th August 20, 02:49 PM
#3
Why is a viola called "bratsch" in German?
Because that's the noise it makes when you sit on it.
(Yes, I play viola. I'm allowed.  )
Here's tae us - / Wha's like us - / Damn few - / And they're a' deid - /
Mair's the pity!
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20th August 20, 04:10 PM
#4
We'd need a whole new thread for viola jokes !
"Touch not the cat bot a glove."
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21st August 20, 04:56 AM
#5
How does a soprano change a light bulb?
She holds the bulb up, and the world revolves around her.
'A damned ill-conditioned sort of an ape. It had a can of ale at every pot-house on the road, and is reeling drunk. "
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21st August 20, 06:56 AM
#6
What else do you call a Saxophone?
" ... an ill wind that nobody blows good."
Those ancient U Nialls from Donegal were a randy bunch.
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24th August 20, 07:13 AM
#7
Musicians are so poor, I saw 4 of them sharing the same cigarette out back of the venue.
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24th August 20, 10:42 AM
#8
Beethoven was so poor he was always skipping out on the rent.
He had to write his Third Symphony in three flats.
Those ancient U Nialls from Donegal were a randy bunch.
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24th August 20, 08:54 PM
#9
Close the gate
(For those that can't see the fence....because there is none)
South African military veteran. Great grandson of Captain William Henry Stevenson of the Highland Light Infantry, Scotland (1880's) and brother to Infantryman Peter Mark Schumann of the 2nd Transvaal Scottish, South Africa (1980's).
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26th August 20, 09:40 PM
#10
What is the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo.
How do you know there is a singer at your door?
They cannot find the key and do not know when to come in.
There are so very many musician jokes. Unfortunately my all-time favorite music joke is slightly off-color and I am unsure if it would run afoul of the forum rules.
Rick
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