Kilts Drive Women Wild!

[Rigged]

I've been felt up, kilt checked, oggled, and leered at.

I'm a fat and not particularly attractive middle-aged fellow.

Before I got into kilts, I couldn't get laid if I was a carpet.

Now, being kilted and married, I have to beat the ladies off with a stick!

[Dirk Skene]

.....Before I got into kilts, I couldn't get laid if I was a carpet. .....

Sounds like the makings of a public service announcement.