Who am I ?

[GMan]

Richard,

I wish that at times that we could have a magic wand and all things that are not right with our world could vanish. However we do not.

I know that it would bring painful memories, but asking family members a little bit here and a little bit there and you bringing all the pieces together may be of some benefit. It may be like pulling teeth, and you may not get anywhere with it. But since I do not know your family it may not be a good idea, the dynamics of families can be very twisted.

What ever you decide to do to find the answers my heart goes out to you and I am sure many here feel the same way. No simple answers I know. Oh for that magic wand.

Take care my friend.

[Ranald]

Thankyou everyone for the kind words.
I have seen a councilor but that had no lasting effect, i've got little snippits of information from my father and his sister my aunt ,but simple put things don't add up and it makes me feel that I'm living a lie or I'm simply a mistake that no-one wants.
Until now my life has been quite busy but through one thing and another I find I have more time than anything else.
It's true what they say the devil makes work for idol hands.
This feeling is a wound that has never heeled.
I have to say that everything that I have set out to achieve I have succeeded in but saying that it's not enough.
I believe it's every childs right to know it's parents(or should be)and I would not wish this on anybody.
To know where one is going one has to know where one has come from.
It's sad that a woman has missed her son growing into a man, seeing all his trials and his succeeses to then see him have his own kids...It's a waste.
with thanks Richard.

[tomcherv]

I was adopted as an infant, so I never knew my birth parents. The information I have about them is very minimal. I was very lucky, though. My parents, the ones who adopted me, had always told me I was adopted, so I never had any big surprises.

Yes, there have been times when I've thought about trying to find out who my birth parents were, but I've never pursued it. I was lucky, I guess, in that I had a great childhood.

Not knowing all your background, I can't give you much help, but I do know that a registry exists in the US that uses any information you provide as a possible means to match adult adoptees with their birth parents. Both the adult adoptee and the birth parents have to provide information and want to find the other person for it to work. It's the Soundex Reunion Registry.

Maybe that will give you something else to work with. I wish you the best in whatever you decide. May your decision bring peace and happiness - both to you and those around you.

[davedove]

I do wish you luck, as you obviously really want this information. I hope you realize that your family may feel they are trying to protect you from something by being quiet on the subject, so don't judge them too harshly.

[Riverkilt]

Ranald,

What a great thread from your risk, thanks.

Everyone's entitled to know their biological history, for medical reasons if no other. Assume telling your parents that you're an adult now and entitled to know your history isn't working. Sad.

There's a wonderfully supportive and spirited site you might enjoy.

Bastard Nation. www.bastards.org Its North American, but I think you'll enjoy their spirit.

"Bastard Nation advocates for the civil and human rights of adult citizens who were adopted as children. Millions of North Americans are prohibited by law from accessing personal records that pertain to their historical, genetic and legal identities. Such records are held by their governments in secret and without accountability, due solely to the fact that they were adopted.

Bastard Nation campaigns for the restoration of their right to access their records. The right to know one's identity is primarily a political issue directly affected by the practice of sealed records adoptions. Please join us in our efforts to end a hidden legacy of shame, fear and venality."

</FONT>Ron

[Alan H]

This is a really tough one, and I have no good answers. Al G. Sporrano's story is a truly heartwarming one, and don't we all wish that they could be like that.

I'll say this much. You're an adult, now, and it's time that your dad and his sister told you all the truth if you want to know it. I would sit down with them at some point, and without being angry or confrontational, just plain flat-out ask them. I will cross my fingers for you and hope that YOUR search results in something as wonderful.

My story? I knew my mother had been married before she met my dad. In fact, I believed that she had been married twice, a rare things in the 1940's and early 1950's. I knew the names of one of the guys and thought I knew the name of the other. My mother and her brother had a huge legal battle over my grandmothers estate, and from the time I was about 6 years old until she died, nearly 40 years later, she never spoke to her brother. I had NO contact with my cousins or my aunt.

A couple of years ago, after my Dad died, I got to thinking....All of the people who fought, all those years ago were probably dead. It turned out that my aunt, hadn't. Another relative had passed on their mailing address, years before in an attempt to patch things up. I'd kept her letter. So one day I wrote my cousins a letter saying that enough time had passed and that I wanted to get together.

At our second meeting we watched old home movies, and there was my mother, at a family dinner in 1947, sitting around with her previous husband. I'd never seen him before. It was a pretty moving experience.