feeling special is not OK

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

Nothing is worth your marriage. Its give and take.
Hey if you want to wear the kilt to work do so. But maybe mark it down
on a calender for several times a month and agree with your wife these
are the days.

Remember the old saying- "drop a frog in boiling water and it will jump out, put it in cool water and gently heat it up and it will stay"

Take it slow, you've already worn you kilt to work and its not even Oct. 31,
mission done.

dave

Dave, I quite agree! The part I am struggling with right now, that I did not include in my post to Alan, is that I am pushing the envelope at a large financial institution. Today was only the 3rd day kilted, first day was last friday (a special "casual day") to celebrate the end of our annual charity campaign, Monday was at our training center for a developer's conference, and then today back in my office. My view, very subject to being wrong, is that if I go through the end of this week kilted, I will have gotten everybody comortable with my wearing the kilt and it will become just part of my wardrobe. I may wear the kilt or I may wear pants, people won't care or take notice, in contrast to currently where people still wonder why I wear a kilt. Some are colleagues and ask good naturedly why I am wearing a kilt that day, to which I respond "Why are you wearing pants today!" and point them to kiltdyay.com. Others are still getting used to it and need some more time. For example, today as I walked to my truck, somebody (a guy) drove up to me in the parking lot, rolled down the passenger window, and said "is that the new daily uniform?". I smiled and said "Why not?". He looked at me and then said "That takes some balls!". While I was glad for his support (?), that is not why I am wearing a kilt. It is because I have determined that it is very likely part of my heritage (which is why I decided to wear it initially) and is very comfortable, which is why I continue to wear it!

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

Cyndi and Dave,

I agree wholeheartedly, 100%, with all my heart, and any other superlative or dedication sentiment that you can name, that I would not, will not, and have never endangered my family's financial well being for any reason, whether a current interest for me (as Alan suggested), or a hot stock tip, or a great real estate purchase! I am very conservative when it comes to providing for my family and our retirement. Too many of the relatives on my side of the family did not follow that approach and will be working hard labor jobs until they die. I want to enjoy my life (my goal was to retire at 40, but I might have to wait an additional 5-7 more years).

[Dreadbelly]

Have you ever thought about turning the tables on your wife? Ask if this pleating to the sett (or to the stripe, whatever) makes your butt look fat.

Fair play. Let her find out how it feels.

Or in the middle of a kilt conversation, derail her. Bluntly ask during a tirade, "Darling, do you still find me attractive?" "Do you still love me?" "Do we still have that old spark, or are we just room mates who scratch each other's itch and helps pay each other's bills?" Put her on the defensive. Force her to step back for a moment and re-evaluate something. Not in any mean nasty sort of way.

I have found that if you derail a conversation with a woman enough, like with the examples I listed, they stop saying so much. Call it a conditioned response. My wife knows if she puts me on the spot, that I will put her on the spot. Keeps us on even footing and it is what makes this marriage work. She no longer puts me on the spot unless she absolutely has to, and vice versa. A lot more respect for each other's personal quirks and personal space.

If every time she has to approach you about something causes her to open a can of worms, she will back down just to keep the worm can closed.

Unless of course, you have a woman that likes to open worm cans, and then I can't help you.

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

Have you ever thought about turning the tables on your wife? Ask if this pleating to the sett (or to the stripe, whatever) makes your butt look fat.

Fair play. Let her find out how it feels.

Or in the middle of a kilt conversation, derail her. Bluntly ask during a tirade, "Darling, do you still find me attractive?" "Do you still love me?" "Do we still have that old spark, or are we just room mates who scratch each other's itch and helps pay each other's bills?" Put her on the defensive. Force her to step back for a moment and re-evaluate something. Not in any mean nasty sort of way.

I have found that if you derail a conversation with a woman enough, like with the examples I listed, they stop saying so much. Call it a conditioned response. My wife knows if she puts me on the spot, that I will put her on the spot. Keeps us on even footing and it is what makes this marriage work. She no longer puts me on the spot unless she absolutely has to, and vice versa. A lot more respect for each other's personal quirks and personal space.

If every time she has to approach you about something causes her to open a can of worms, she will back down just to keep the worm can closed.

Unless of course, you have a woman that likes to open worm cans, and then I can't help you.

Dread, LOL! And not just because of what you suggested, but because I did something similar to this when she came home tonight. I have decided to make some kilts (been reading Barb's book) and purchased 2 different materials this weekend (more to come on that in another thread!). Anyway, I was debating whether the one material should hemmed or the selvedge left as is (think the white line on Graham's latest acquisition). I decided to take it to my resident expert (who said she would not have an answer when I first asked her if she could give me some fashion advice on my kilt making), and she said that I definitely needed a hem on the material in question and was not unhappy to giv me the information. Maybe this is the approach I need to take, let her decide which tartan and the shirt and accessories for each day!

[Dreadbelly]

Dread, LOL! And not just because of what you suggested, but because I did something similar to this when she came home tonight. I have decided to make some kilts (been reading Barb's book) and purchased 2 different materials this weekend (more to come on that in another thread!). Anyway, I was debating whether the one material should hemmed or the selvedge left as is (think the white line on Graham's latest acquisition). I decided to take it to my resident expert (who said she would not have an answer when I first asked her if she could give me some fashion advice on my kilt making), and she said that I definitely needed a hem on the material in question and was not unhappy to giv me the information. Maybe this is the approach I need to take, let her decide which tartan and the shirt and accessories for each day!

That's important too. Offer the woman the illusion of being in charge and in control. Say "This is what I am doing to day, and what I will be wearing. How would you like for me to go about doing it and do these socks match my belt?"

[jfellrath]

I'm going to throw another idea out there that may or may not be coming into play here between you and your wife. Ladies and gentlemen, please don't be offended by what I'm about to say (I don't know that you will be, but the possibility is there).

Men have a tendency, once they get "settled" in life (as a lot of us seem to be) to look for an adventure of some kind to get some of that personal excitement of youth back. Some do it by buying a sports car or a boat, some do it by skydiving, some do it by starting up an instrument or even doing negative things like drinking, fighting, etc. I'm going to throw out the idea here that some may even do it by trying out kilts full-time.

After some soul-searching, I realize that this is part of what does it for me. I like the adventure of stepping out every day in a garment that is a little different and is going to make people think a bit.

But I think the difference between a normal mid-life crisis and a kilted one is that we realize that the kilt really is a great change and therefore we want to keep it going. It's comfortable, etc. I won't go into all the reasons because there's a whole freaking forum full of them out there.

Now, on the other hand, I think women see these mid-life crises, roll their eyes, and wait for them to be over. And most of them aren't really going to affect anything in their lives. Sure, a sports car might cost a lot, and yeah, you could get hurt skydiving, but when there's a kilt involved, that tends to affect them, too - in the way THEY'RE percieved by their friends and people around them.

And the other side of the mid-life crisis is that eventually, it'll be over. But when it's NOT over, because of the aforementioned "kilts rule" discovery, that concerns them because their lives are changed. And therein lies some of the worry for some ladies. So many of them will rebel against the change by making excuses (some of which may actually have some basis in fact, such as the possibility of cow-orkers and management judging you harshly and causing reviews to be bad).

Now, this is not to say that all of us are this way - men or women. But the stereotype of the mid-life crisis is out there and it's hard to overcome stereotypes, even for the most open-minded people.

Again, these are GENERALITIES and don't necessarily apply to EVERYONE here, just my thoughts.

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

Jamie,

A mid-life crisis is actually one of the possibilities raised by my wife's sister as my motivation when my wife told her I was wearing a kilt to work. She also had these other theories: losing my marbles, trying to be sexy, and testing my man-hood! I don't feel like this is a mid-life crisis for me (but I've never had one, so who knows!) and since I plan on living to be at least 100, I have at least 10-12 more years to go before mid-life!

I do agree with your thoughts on this though, and particularly the possible opinions of the women in our lives. This morning was actually a good morning and we talked a little about when I am going to wear the kilt, both work and personal. No agreeements, but at least discussion.

RJI

[highlander_Daz]

I thinkthere are plenty of opportunites to wear the Kilt outside of work, even in Scotland the kilt is only worn on special occasions at work or if Im pipeing. Maybe your setting yourself a very difficult goasl if You start off wearing it on odd occasions people will accept you as "the guy with the kilts", then maybe you could increase it. My cousin who lives in England and has an English accent decided to wear the kilt at a resteraunt to celebrate his birthday, his wifes friend at work said they didnt think it was appropriate and she made a fuss, the people who were saying it wasnt appropriate were not even invited. Being of Scottish blood and regarding himself as a Scot despite being born and brought up in England he was determained to wear the Kilt, his wife just kept saying "but your not Scottish!!!!" and his wife was upset because women were looking at my cousin in the resteruant (suprise suprise) In the end my cousin bought tickets for a charity ball in aid of a charity and went wearing a PC and Kilt and wore one at new year, His wife now acceps the Kilts as my cousins formal wear. I was suprised how much of a fuss his wife made and the comments "but your not Scottish" just becasue he has an English mother were very cruel "but your only half Scottish" was the next silly comment in my view you cant be half this or a quarter that-Its a case of "Scot or not!!"