Divorce in my future?

**Sherry** · 21st October 05, 11:59 AM

I think it's worth a heroic effort to try to save your marriage. Beg her to go to counselling with you. If one counsellor doesn't work out, try another. If you don't have a minister, finding one could benefit you both.

You can't change another person. You can only control your own actions. She may not agree to counselling, but you'll at least know that you gave it an honest effort.

All the best to you,
Sherry

**Raphael** · 21st October 05, 02:05 PM

It seems that she drifted away from the marriage, and I am afraid that probably started before your new job and your relocation.

**MacConnachie** · 21st October 05, 02:20 PM

When I first separated from my ex 5 years-and-change ago, a friend gave me some very good advice as I struggled with my emotions, commitments, etc. The ex had been married three times before, and I had assiduously avoided such commitment (yes, those of you detecting a pattern are more than likely correct).

The advice was, essentially, "People get married for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. You'll have to figure out which applies to you."

Some of the best advice I EVER received. It was all-but-over for the two of us, and I just had to come to grips with that. It took months and months, and I still miss that woman, occasionally. . .

Best of Luck. Find a good friend somewhere who you can talk to about this, with no judgment on that person's part -- just an empathetic listener. However it works out for you, I wish you well.

Mac

**Mike1** · 21st October 05, 02:43 PM

Mac, I can relate to how you still miss her (been there), but the one thing we always have to remember is that when we are standing and looking at a closed door, we are missing all the other doors that are opening around us.

**MacConnachie** · 22nd October 05, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by Mike1

Mac, I can relate to how you still miss her (been there), but the one thing we always have to remember is that when we are standing and looking at a closed door, we are missing all the other doors that are opening around us.

Thanks, Mike. You're correct, of course. Hindsight is 20-20, and looking back on those times, I now see some opportunities presented themselves which I was too blinded to see whilst in the midst of it. Would've, could've, should've . . . (sigh)

**Mike1** · 23rd October 05, 04:31 PM

Originally Posted by MacConnachie

Hindsight is 20-20, and looking back on those times, I now see some opportunities presented themselves which I was too blinded to see whilst in the midst of it. Would've, could've, should've . . . (sigh)

I suspect that there are more than just the two of us that wear that scar. ;)

**Archangel** · 23rd October 05, 08:18 PM

One couple I know, I don't know their story, his wife set all the password and limitations on his computer, with his okay. I think it was a promise keepers' thing.

That's general advice, my thought is that the computer is a smoke screen. I've also learned not to take all the info from one side of the pair, sorry.

**Graham** · 22nd October 05, 06:00 AM

Originally Posted by Sherry

I think it's worth a heroic effort to try to save your marriage. Beg her to go to counselling with you. If one counsellor doesn't work out, try another. If you don't have a minister, finding one could benefit you both.

You can't change another person. You can only control your own actions. She may not agree to counselling, but you'll at least know that you gave it an honest effort.

All the best to you,
Sherry

I agree with this advice of Sherry's. I hope that both of you will see that marriage and it's vows are sacred and need to be maintained at all costs.

If the computer is really the problem, get rid of it. Show her that your interest is HER, and not porn, take her on a holiday, whatever it takes.

I hope things work out for you.

**Jimmy Carbomb** · 22nd October 05, 08:46 AM

Folks' advise seems to be pretty well in line here. Good group of guys.

From one who's re-married and VERY happily going on in a new life...

...whatever you decide to do and wherever the road takes you, be confident in your decisions and KNOW that nothing happens without a reason. You may not see why it's happening and what brought it to this point... but it's there. You may not see what's on the horizon... but it's already there too.

All the pain in the world can't scratch the surface of all the wonderful things that are going to happen.