The Scotsman's Kilt
Mike Cross 1979
copyright Vic Ray Publishing (ASCAP)

Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair.
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share.
He fumbled 'round 'till he could no longer keep his feet.
And stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

Now about that time two young and lovely girls happened by.
One said to the other with a twinkle in her eye.
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built.
I wonder if it's true what he wears nothing beneath the kilt.

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
I wonder if it's true what he wears nothing beneath the kilt.

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as can be.
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see.
Lo and behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt.
Was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
Was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

They marveled for a minute and one said, "We must be gone.
Let's leave a souvenir for our friend before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow.
Around the bonnie star the Scott's kilt did lift and show.

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
Around the bonnie star the Scott's kilt did lift and show.

Now the Scotsman rose to nature's call and headed for the trees.
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.
And in his drunken voice he says to what's before his eyes.
"Oh, lad I don't know where you've been, but I see you've won first prize."

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
"Oh, lad I don't know where you've been, but I see you've won first prize."

Our Scottish friend still dressed in kilt continued down the street
He hadn't gone ten yards or more when a girl he chanced to meet
She said I heard what's under there. Tell me is it so?
He said just slip your hand up miss if you'd really like to know

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
He said just slip your hand up miss if you would like to know

She put her hand right up his kilt and much to her surprise
The Scotsman smiled and a very strange look came into his eyes
She cried why sir that gruesome and then her heard him roar
If you put your hand up one again, you'll find it's grew some more.

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
If you put your hand up once again, you'll find it's grew some more.

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