Originally Posted by
Iolaus
Pulled this out of my files; it was going around the internet a couple of years ago.
Notice #15 & #20. I didn't add anything, that's the way it was written when I recieved it.
After searching and searching for my sexual identity. I finally discovered it and I can no longer keep it in the closet. I am here to openly announce that I am a Retrosexual. My Retrosexuality is defined by the following Retrosexual code:
The Retrosexual Code
1) A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
2) A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
3) A Retrosexual DEALS with stuff. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you JUST DEAL WITH IT. No whining allowed!
4) A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
5) A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.
6) A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an end cap (possibly 2 end caps if you include shaving goods.)
7) A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.
8) A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with stuff" portion of The Code.
9) A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
10) A Retrosexual does not let neighbors trash the rooms in his house on national TV.
11) A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for sex. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little pansy, and in the long run, she won't be worth it.
12) A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH STUFF. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you. Buck up wuss.
13) A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
14) A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie.
15) A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge, and bang on drums to bond with other guys. That's gay.
---- However dressing in kilts, banging on drums around a campfire, and drinking heavily is just fine.
16) A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
17) A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.
18) A Retrosexual will buy feminine hygiene products if he has to, but only under protest. This falls under unpleasant things you have to DEAL with. Get some Hagen-Daas while your at it.
19) A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc.
20) A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has gin and vermouth in it. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just get a beer and a shot of scotch??
21) A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, or are trying to makeup for a small penis. Massage and skill are the way to make up for a small penis, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL with stuff. Plus it's just fun to shoot.
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