Idiot in a skirt!

[Shay]

Men can fight and be friends 10 minutes later.

Now chick fights, on the other hand....

Hey now- that's how I met one of my best friends! We had a knock-down, drag-out fight (over what? I don't remember) and while sitting at the principal's office to take our lumps, became friends.

Re: Concealed weapons, or carrying them in general... Vimes, one of my favorite literary characters, has just discovered a one-shot crossbow, basically a tube with a powerful spring and an arrow...

"This is not a weapon. This is for killing people," he said.
"Uh, most weapons are," said Inigo.
"No, they're not. They're so you don't have to kill people. They're for... for having. For being seen. For warning. This isn't one of those. It's for hiding away until you bring it out and kill people in the dark."
-The Fifth Element, Terry Pratchett

Just be careful and remember not to pull anything you're not prepared to use, and preferably able to use without hurting anyone.

As for idiots making skirts comments, why not ask any young ladies in skirts at the bar to help you out with showing the differences? "Now, this is an apron, you'll notice her skirt doesn't have one. These buckles? Two on one side, one on the other, I see you, miss, have buttons. This is called a tartan, that's TAHR-tin..." Kill them kindness, or bap them with boredom!

[MacConnachie]

Well, after a number of years of dealing with and/or dancing around the inebriated set on St. Paddy's, while kilted up and being encumbered with a drum and other gear, I think I've learned to pass the "skirt" comment off as someone attempting to be clever -- they're not, of course, 1) because they are not being original with their remark, and 2) the originator of the remark, whoever that may have been, was not clever, either, or he would have worked on it a bit. If they persist, I'll simply throw back, "Very original comment. Something I've not heard before." Most drunks number themselves amongst the most intelligent and erudite folk on the planet, and we all know that they are just not there. Legends in their own unfocused and incapacitated minds, and absolutely nowhere else.

They say it, for the most part, to try to get a response, whether it's a reaction from the kilt-wearer or a guffaw from their equally clever drinkin buds. Ignoring them completely is the best weapon, in my book, unless they become threatening. Even the most voluble can be reminded of the Irish saying (wish I could remember the Gaelic), "Many's the man whose mouth broke his nose."

My greater concern on St. Paddy's, in a crowded barroom amongst drunken revelers in a wide range of inebriated states is the one sneaky bastid who decides that what you are or are not wearing under the kilt has suddenly become his own personal business. Our side drummers have whacked people's hands with drumsticks, but I'm inclined to be a bit less charitable. "Keep your polluted mitts off da threads, you #@$%-poke" will usually gain their attention, that and being stared down by someone 6'2" and 240. I carry an unsharpened but heavy dirk sheathed on my belt during these events just in case someone moves beyond the point of reason to I-don't-know-what. In a tight spot, I'd reluctantly sacrifice my drum's structural integrity in order to stop a moron made aggressive by an inability to know when to say, "When."

(However, I will take the skirt on the floor comment away from here today, with intent to direct it at another "clever" man if need be, Friday next. Thanks for that one!)

[Magnus Sporrano]

My greater concern on St. Paddy's, in a crowded barroom amongst drunken revelers in a wide range of inebriated states is the one sneaky bastid who decides that what you are or are not wearing under the kilt has suddenly become his own personal business.

Words don't often drive me to violence (I'm 6'1" over 300 lbs so if the other guy gets hurt really bad, I could be in big trouble... I wouldn't look good in front of a jury) but what you describe here is flat out sexual assault, akin to being groped, and is fully deserving of self defense. That's a whole different thing than being heckled.

When it comes to hecklers, I'm usually all about the one-liners. Leave them looking stupid and gain the favor of any ladies accompanying them, adding insult to injury.

[Kilted KT]

I agree with Magnus. Every situation has it's merits. Should a buxom beauty ask for a kilt check, more oft than not those who allow them would prolly oblidge her ( although not lifting the kilt themselves for the world to see ). Being physically molested because some intoxicated idiot decides that it is their personal quest to get under your kilt? that is a completley different story, and grounds for just about any kind of defense you can muster, be it a hand, cane or well-aimed verbal jab.

I'm sure they were dubbed "privates" for a reason. For you and those you chose to share them with, and no one else.

[Casey]

I have only had the "skirt" comment twice. On both occasions I gave a very polite and sincere "thank you". The person was stopped in his/her tracks and we all went about our business.

Having sobered up, I seldom frequent bars; so I avoid the drunks. As a matter of fact, the last time I was in a bar was for a kilt night and only had great comments.

[Tetley]

"I could tell you but you're not my type"
"why did you want to know?"
Look purplexed and then say" Why, it's kilt day of course"
"Why did you want a date?"
Or you can look at him like he's crazy and say"For the last time I just don't like you that way!"

Don't worry there's more to come.

I will probably never have the courage to say any of these, but please, keep them coming.

...I once told a guy that he was confused. A Kilt is what a man wears.
A skirt is what his girlfriend leaves wadded up on the floor when she meets a man in a kilt.

A more civilized response comes from a signature I've seen on this board (and I apoligize in advance that I don't remember who had it...)
It was
"Son, someday you will make a girl very happy for a short period of time.
Then she'll leave you and be with new men who are ten times better than you could ever hope to be.
These men wear kilts."

Clever, very clever...

I just say, "Boys wear pants. Men wear kilts." On occasion I've even said to women who have said it's a skirt, "Yes...and it's prettier than yours."

That might get you a clip round the ear...

"Hey! I like your skirt"

"Thanks! All the ladies do!"

Subtle, that's both respectful and insulting at the same time. I like it.

Mark