Pants

**herminator** · 17th April 06, 08:12 AM

Pants are an insidious mind control device foisted upon an unsuspecting populace by a trouser wearing theocracy. Those who do submit to the rule of pants may find themselves unemployed, or even imprisoned for some silly thing called "public indecency."

In some parts of the Bible Belt, it is still considered vulgar to say "pants" aloud. They must be referred to as "stitched cloth coverings worn over the legs" in polite company, or even impolite company so long as a lady is present.

Pants are very good for keeping hands in, and no hands-in technology has yet superceded them.

The Pleated history of Pants
The concept was conceived in the early 14th Century by the Spanish Baron, Ronaldo Del Casa Moopantes IV. After putting down the bloody uprising known only as the 17 Nights of Squid, the Baron became obsessed with maintaining control of the populace. The end result of his obsession were the terror we now know as pants, whose sole existence are to let the man keep you down.

Despite years of resistance fighting by such organisations such as the Kilt Wearers For a Free and Better World Where No Man Nor Woman Ever Need Wear Pants Again (K.W.F.F.B.W.W.N.M.N.W.E.N.W.P.A), this scourge remains with us even today.

On a side note of sorts, I once met a man called "Pants." He was very nice, and he knew a thing or two about slacks, that one. Top shelf kind of guy.

The Horrible Truth
Pants are more than sadistic mind control devices. Pants have their own twisted agendas, and number one on the list is the takeover of the world itself.

This may seem like pure tomfoolery to most people but it is true, and you may be murdered in your sleep by your own trousers for reading this.

Pants employ a devious energy attack, emited from the zipper, buttons and belt loops, to bombard the human reproductive organs. The function of this malicious yet brilliant assault is to make all pant wearing humans sterile. After a mere 80-100 years, the human race will die out, and the pants will be free to take over.

The Horrible History
In the early days of the Anglo-Sexton empire, a mighty king (whose name has since been forgotten) caught wind of the pants' inherint evil and set off on a crusade against them. Many died that fateful day, and the months following, but in the end the pants triumphed and erased all records of the terrible, vicious, brutal Anglo-Pantaloonian War from existance.

Two years later the nameless king tried to start another crusade and was promptly murdered by the underground orginization known as "The Pantaloonian Inquisition."

source:http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Pants

**Kilted KT** · 17th April 06, 08:45 AM

Sounds about right to me...looks like we Kilties will have to defend the species in a few years!

**Pour1Malt** · 17th April 06, 08:46 AM

an in the UK "pants" means "underwear"....

which makes "No Pants Day" a whole different kind o' thing.... :rolleyes:

http://www.nopantsday.com/

**Nick** · 17th April 06, 09:02 AM

Great article. I always suspected, it's good to have confirmation.

(P.S. I find your avatar strangely disturbing yet oddly compelling

)

**herminator** · 17th April 06, 10:18 AM

That must be the call of cthulhu!!

Iä!!! Iä!!!

Having said that I have to Quote Pratchett: Multiple punctuation marks are a sure sign for a diseased mind!