Met any french abuse there?


Music swells. They bend their heads in prayer, before the castle for
which they have searched for so long. Suddenly a voice comes from
the battlements.
Music cuts dead.

FROG

Ha ha! Hello! Smelly English K...niggets ... and Monsieur Arthur
King, who has the brain of a duck, you know.

The KNIGHTS look up.

FROG

We French persons outwit you a second time, perfidious English
mousedropping hoarders ... how you say: "Begorrah!"

ARTHUR stands and shouts.

ARTHUR

How dare you profane this place with your presence! I command
you, in the name of the Knights of Camelot, open the door to the
Sacred Castle, to which God himself has guided us!
(he turns to the KNIGHTS)
Come.

ARTHUR and the KNIGHTS advance towards the castle.

FROG

How you English say: I one more time, mac, I unclog my nose towards
you, sons of a window-dresser, so, you think you could out-clever us French
fellows with your silly knees-bent creeping about advancing
behaviour.

(blows a raspberry)

I wave my private parts at your aunties, you brightly-coloured,
mealy-templed, cranberry-smelling, electric donkey-bottom biters.

By this time ARTHUR and BEDEVERE and GALAHAD have reached the door.

ARTHUR bangs on the door.

ARTHUR

In the name of the Lord, we demand entrance to this sacred
castle.

Jeering from the battlements.

FROG

No chance, English bed-wetting types. We burst our pimples at you,
and call your door-opening request a silly thing. You tiny-brained
wipers of other people's bottoms!

French laughter

ARTHUR

If you do not open these doors, we will take this castle by force ...

A bucket of slops land on ARTHUR. He tries to retain his dignity.

ARTHUR

In the name of God ... and the glory of our ...


Another bucket of what can only be described as human ordure hits ARTHUR.

... Right!
(to the KNIGHTS)
That settles it!

They turn and walk away. French jeering follows them.

FROG

Yes, depart a lot at this time, and cut the approaching any more or
we fire arrows into the tops of your heads and make castanets
of your testicles already.

ARTHUR

(to KNIGHTS)
Walk away. Just ignore them.



ARTHUR, BEDEVERE and GALAHAD walk off. A small hail of chickens,
watercress, badgers and mattresses follows them. But they are on their
dignity as they try to talk nonchalantly as they walk away into the trees.


FROG

And now remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! And, if you think
you got a nasty time this taunting, you ain't heard nothing yet, dappy
k...niggets, and A. King Esquire.