mean mother in law(to be)

[kiltman with a sword]

hey guys. this is kiltman with a sword here. i just joined a little while ago and i need your advice. my girlfriends mother is very condescending about kilts. since i am planning on marrying my girlfriend,i really dont know how to make this situation work.i dont want this to become a really sore spot. she is constantly going on about how she wont abide a man in a dress, which really gets to me, because i dont even have a decent kilt yet and shes dragging me down about it.i know that a kilt is a male only garment, but she doesnt quite get that. my question is would it be impolite to wear a kilt in her house since i will be her guest while im there, and how do i get her to accept the fact that im wearing a viable clothing choice and not crossdressing? im really confused about how to do this respectfully and would appreciate advice from older and wiser men than i. please give me some help here.

[sav]

I would actually advise you to wear the kilt when you go to visit, and show her very plainly that you are comfortable and feel very masculine while wearing a kilt. Altering your habits of dressing and such to meet her "expectations" would just confirm her incorrect assumption that wearing a kilt is crossdressing, not normal, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advising you to be brash and insolent, but rather change her opinion by your own example of how stylish and masculine a garment the kilt can be...Hope this helps, and good luck!

[cavscout]

Without knowing more, I'd say not ot wear something to their home that they have asked (told) you not to unless you want ot create an adversarial relationship. If someone wanted to come into my home and create turmoil, I would not be too happy or cordial. Dis-respect on their part does not legitamize the same behavior on your part.

I would suggest that at any neutral location or a place you have invited them it would be good to wear the kilt to introduce them to the style. Keep the outfit tasteful and practical. Don't deck yourself out in "braveheart" fashion and speak in hollywood scottish speak.

Since your future MIL sounds like a very blunt and direct woman, I would prepare for several scenarios where she confronts you in front of a group with some demeaning statement. You want this response to be very clear but tasteful and controled. Don't just lash out with a high school "oh yeah, well your fat".

Odds are she will be wearing pants so you may make a joke about her wearing pants. Let any insult slide off of you with a well placed jab back at her specifically. If you offend the group you invite others to pile on. The possibilities are endless.

Basically though, while you may think you are marrying only the girl-friend, you truly are marrying her parents as well if she expects to continue having a relationship with them. Evaluate the total situation and you may have to make a much more difficult choice if you find that she will begin to side with her parents rather than support you. Sorry to be the party pooper but I think you need to hear the reality of these decisions.

[Caradoc]

since i am planning on marrying my girlfriend,i really dont know how to make this situation work.

Per one of your earlier posts, you're 17 years old.

The only advice I can give you right now is this: wait.

By the time both of you graduate, the situation will have improved, or you will have moved on.

As of today, I only know one couple among my friends and acquaintances who were high school sweethearts, and they've each been married and divorced twice now but are back together again.

Wait.

[David Dalglish]

I agree with the others, It does not pay to upset your future inlaws. Wait a while until you get a better kilt, then meet them outside of their home with the kilt on & then see how they feel

[neo71665]

I'm gonna agree and say not to wear it in their home. If your on halfway good terms with them now I would try to stay that way. I'm also gonna agree with waiting till your older to get married. I'm only 27 and glad I didn't marry the girl I was gonna when I was 17.

[gilmore]

It sounds as if perhaps there are other issues at play (like control, over you, her daughter, her own out of control emotions, who knows?)

[Abax]

I have experience with an intelligent yet challenging mother-in-law, so I might be able to help by relating my experience.

would it be impolite to wear a kilt in her house since i will be her guest while im there

Yes, it's her house. In her house, she's right and you're wrong. You can't win any arguments on her turf - even if you're right. I think Cavscout's idea of wearing a kilt at a place away from her home is a really good idea though.

and how do i get her to accept the fact that im wearing a viable clothing choice and not crossdressing?

You can't make her do anything. She may change her opinion of her own accord, but you are her least likely source of insight. Based on the behavior you describe, you may be the bad man stealing her daughter. Or she may simply be challenging you to see how you hold up under pressure.

Others have hinted at this, but the most important thing is the lady you want to marry. If she's the right lady, differences between you and her mother won't matter if you treat her mother with respect.

When I first met my wife's mother more than 20 years ago, I was immediately scared out of my wits that my wife-to-be might turn out to be like her mother. To my great joy, my wife is her own person and can disagree with her parents *and* allow me the same privilege.

You should talk to your lady and find out what *she* thinks about wearing a kilt and how she would handle differences between you and her mother. That will tell you what you need to know.

Abax

[Blu (Ontario)]

I highly recommend that you read the essays found here...

http://www.kiltmen.com/advice.htm


There are many good solid fundamentals explained within.

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[Blu (Ontario)]

hey guys. this is kiltman with a sword here. i just joined a little while ago and i need your advice.

I've been thinking about this a bit.

It seems to me that this woman doesn't yet respect you as an independant responsible adult. She has some control over you and is making sure that you know it.

my girlfriends mother is very condescending about kilts. since i am planning on marrying my girlfriend.... she is constantly going on about how she wont abide a man in a dress....

Also, what part of the world do you call home? What part of the world is the future M.in L. from.

When I've encountered intransigent attitudes like this, there has often been cultural or religious influences at work. I've had some quite negative if not interesting reactions from folks rooted in eastern and southern Europe as well as Muslim countries.

Since this is developing into a serious relationship, kilts will likely be just one of numerous sensitivities you'll have to deal with in the future.

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