A Dissapointing conversation

[Nanook]

Basically, she feels that they are meant for formal occasions only,

She is right. They are not for working on the farm, digging ditches, swimming, riding a horse in a race, cleaning windows of a high rise building and all kinds of other activities or occasions.
Neither are suits or, more comparable, sports coats and "dress slacks" (kilt with a tweed jacket).

Kilt=Woolen dress slacks

Walking about in town is an "occasion" that has its own rules and forms of etiquette.
In much of American society the normative style is either as an itinerant day laborer (albeit perhaps with "designer labels") or an escapee from aerobic class. And once in town the "cool" folks are seen holding some coffee in a paper cup and a muffin from Starbucks and the others wolfing down a hamburger from Wendy's or some other chain...

and that wearing them outside of that is wierd -

To be well dressed in breeches or a kilt for a walk is perhaps "wierd" in much of American (and European) society today but its odd that having a snake tattooed across the face, with burn marks ("branding") and having fangs protruding from their nose and an assortment of odd objects reemed into ("piercings") and under ("implants") flesh is de-rigueur (also in Scotland)?

her comment was that no one would wear a tux on a normal day.

A tuxedo is not day wear. Morning and afternoon have different styles. My main take against the tuxedo is that most are of very poor quality and workmanship.
In my youth I did for a while wear a tux and public school tie as my "everyday" garb as "intellectual punk". So the follies of youth.

Some of this was very hurtful .. comments like being concerned about my mental health for thinking about wearing one on any regular basis. She says normal people just don't do that .. not even in Scotland!

Has she been to Scotland? And who are the "normal" people she means? The Asian selling fish and chips in Glasgow? Or the people living along the Spey? One can, of course, argue that Saxons like kilt "poster child" Charles Mountbatten-Windsor (aka. "HRH Prince Charles of Edinburgh") are not "normal" but hardly "weird".

Clothing is not just functional or we'd all be walking about in grey Chairman Mao suits or burlap bags and there would not be a multi-billion (over $200 billion USD) market for clothing. There is.

[davedove]

She's right that people don't wear the tux as daily wear, but you can't dress down a tux very well. I wouldn't go around in the Prince Charlie and bow tie all the time either, but you can dress down the kilt.

Show her the pics on this board, especially those of casual kilt wearing. If nothing else, showing her this board will let her know that you're not the only "strange" one out there.

[sorcererdale]

This isn't a reply to help you, but just a comment about my wearing the kilt. I started out just wearing it to church on once and a while when we would go out. Now it is sometimes 2 - 3 times a week. The other day at a Christmas party while I was talking to a another group of people, I saw my wife pointing, at what I thought was my kilt, while she was talking to some others.

Later I asked what she was pointing at and if it was about my kilt. She stopped what she was doing, looked at me, and said, "Oh, you have your kilt on. I have gotten so used to it that I didn't know if you did or not."

So start wearing it once and awhile and maybe she will get as used to it as my wife is.

DALE.

[auld argonian]

You hit me where I live here, dude....and I mean literally. My wearing of the kilt has been met with beaucoup ambivalence around here. I've even had the misfortune of having read sections of my son's Facebook entries where he blogs on about how embarassing it is to him...sharper than a serpent's tooth, eh?

And it's not like I went from totally pantsed to full-time kilted overnight...I wear the kilt maybe about 10 percent of the time just now (the work that I've been doing on the house has made it easier to just throw on jeans and I woudn't want to screw up a kilt or have it get caught on anything while I'm working)...not like this was some kind of radical conversion but rather just something that I decide to put into my "wardrobe rotation" and treat just like it's another item of apparel. I'm not trying to attract attention or become the center of conversation...I'm just a guy who (does this sound familiar) always toyed with the idea of wearing a kilt, has ancestral ties to things Celtic and one day just said, "...oh, why not." I think that it looks pretty damn manly and dashing and that it would impress Mrs. Argonian with my "doing my own thing" attitude and perhaps fire her romantic imagination...no dice.

And you can't just reconcile this kind of thing with glib answers or by "taking a stand" and "drawing a line in the sand"..."...it's either the kilts or nothing, babe"...that doesn't work. This is something that you have to work out...it's something that I still have to work out. You can't go through life singing "I Gotta Be Me" and expect everybody to say, "...okay, sure...because YOU are what the whole world is all about so we'll just defer to YOU." Relationships are about different things.

But re the kilt thing, I think that context is important...has your fiancee been with you at a Celtic Fest or Highland Games where there is more than one person wearing a kilt? Those circumstances prove that you're not the only one and that a lot of guys are wearing kilts casually just to hang out, down the odd pint and watch large guys - also in kilts - throw large, heavy objects around. Kilt nights also seem to serve this function (but just don't count on one in Chicago because I'll probably be the only one who shows up). This whole forum serves that function.

I've just gotten to the point where I just wear it and go about my business normally...I try to just go on same as I always do...if any comments come up, I just kind of do a "yeah, whatever" and move on. I'm trying to de-sensitize everybody to the kilt...I behave the same however I'm dressed. Perhaps wear it when when the two of you are hanging around your place and when it's time to go somewhere else, change clothes...don't make a big deal about it, don't make an announcement...just change and if she asks just say that you know that she's uncomfortable about your wearing it so you've changed into jeans...do not let it become a discussion, you're not being a martyr...that's all. Even better if you then go out with your buddies wearing the kilt (if you can get one or more of them to "convert", that's WAY better)...then there's a context where she sees you wearing it comfortably and being accepted...the de-sensitization process is starting to take hold. I just think that it's better to wear them down firmly but politely rather than get into a confrontation.

Best of luck...let me know how you're doing and I'll let you know if I ever get at least my dear wife to acquiesce here.

Oy! It's a hard-knock kilted life for us!

Best

AA