The Curious Tale of Panache and the League of the Moderators

[Panache]

The Curious Tale of Panache and the League of the Moderators

Chapter 9

First Challenge: A Matter of History


Barely refreshed after a night of such broken slumber and strange dreams, I dressed and made my way downstairs before first light. I met the others in the darkened foyer and Rob showed us to a small brightly lit chamber where we broke our fast. It was a traditional light Scottish breakfast of fried slices of haggis and other sausage, fried eggs, fried bacon, fried ham, fried potatoes, fried tomatoes, kippers, thick slices of toasted bread, rich clotted cream and tea. Like all the fare served within the great Hall, the meal was excellent, though somewhat dangerous to one‘s blood vessels that felt noticeably hardened and clogged by the meal’s end. Finishing the last of our tea we rose and returned to the foyer. We had spoken little throughout breakfast. I did notice that Mr. Dove wore a handsome new sporran as part of his attire. It was of rustic style and large capacity, with a shining silver button depicting a serpent or dragon. When I mentioned it to him, he smiled and said “it was a gift, and one that should prove most useful”. When I inquired how he felt it should do so, Mr. Dove gave a short and somewhat menacing laugh. “You’ll see Mr. Plume, rest assured, you will see”, he promised.

The heralds of X Marks the Scot, Dee and Rob, stood waiting for us before a black door with the crossed “X” of the forum engraved in it’s sturdy wood. Dee held a battered and faded tam reverently in his hands. Rob spoke, “Gentlemen, there shall be six challenges. Before each, your names shall be drawn from the sorting tam. You will then in that order proceed through the door before you. Whatever instruction you need to complete the task will be given by a Moderator. If you succeed you will continue through to the next door and wait for the other applicants and us. Do you understand?” We all assented.

Rob looked at Dee, Dee looked at Rob, they looked at us, we looked at them, and Rob looked back at Dee. Dee looked at Rob. Rob pointed at the hat. Dee thought a moment and suddenly said “oh yes! Silly me. Sorry”. He gently tapped the hat with a forefinger and a small piece of parchment sprang out of the hat. Rob grabbed it from the air and said “Panache!” Further slips of paper shot out and Rob snatched each one from the air and read them. In such a manner we were given our order for the first challenge. As the first one chosen there was nothing to do but doff my plumed hat to my comrades in salute and head through the portal.

I opened the heavy wood door passed through. It swung shut behind me and closed with an ominous crash. I found myself in a modest book filled office. The Moderator Todd sat behind a small desk and motioned me to sit in the empty chair before it “Panache a moderator to our forum needs a certain minimum understanding of history. By history I do not mean just the history of kilts. Though this is important, it is nothing without a context of the history of Scotland. A moderator should be prepared to assist the other members of the forum in understanding this relation and how the former is a reflection of the later. To this end Mike has prepared a small book with such information he feels every moderator should know about Scotland and her past“. Todd produced a slim volume from a drawer of the desk . The book bore the title Essential Scottish History for the Beginner. He began to flip through it. “This first challenge is simply a test of your knowledge. Are you prepared?” I nodded. “Good, I shall begin”.

“Panache, when was the battle of Stirling Bridge fought?”, he asked

“September 11th, 1297” , I easily replied

“What important victory did Robert the Bruce score against the English?”

“Well Robert the Bruce, by then crowned as King Robert I, won decisively against the English forces at the Battle of Bannockburn on June 23rd in 1314.

“What tartan did Robert Burns wear when he wore the kilt?”

I laughed at this trick question, “Now my dear fellow we all know that Burns was a Lowlander and never wore a kilt. To say such is as silly as suggesting that William Wallace wore a tartan kilt! And if you are feeling so fanciful as that, then perhaps you should ask me if William Wallace smeared blue woad onto his face before going to battle?

At this Todd laughed and he threw aside the book Mike had prepared. He looked me in the eye. “Panache it is obvious that there is little need to quiz you further on this book, is there?” My heart felt light at these words as it seemed to indicate I should pass this first challenge with no further effort. “It would seem a waste of both of our time”, I agreed.
“Excellent”, said Todd as he reached down behind him to produce an enormous volume that he put on the desk with a great crash. This work must have weighed at least ten pounds and when he opened it, the book covered the entire desk surface. I had but a moment to glimpse the title: A study of the relationship between European Heraldry and the development of Clan Tartans within a context of Regimental Symbols and the interplay of the Military History. My heart sank. Todd smiled at me happily, “This is a little piece that I have been working on. I’ll leave Mike’s book to the others but you obviously need something more challenging. Shall we proceed?” The questioning began again.

“Panache, if you would be so kind as to give me the motto of the Black Watch Regiment. In Latin and it’s translation if you please.”

I struggled to locate that information buried deep within the my memory and was fortunate to find an answer. “Nemo Me Impune Laces sit , translated as No One Assails Me With Impunity”, I said

Todd smiled broadly “Excellent. Lets move on to something a little harder”

The memory of this questioning on ranks, regimental symbols, badge caps, epaulette colors, types of weapons, clan tartans, military history, flags, and a myriad of other obscure facts, causes me to awaken in the night in a cold sweat. The questions he threw at me taxed every last fiber of my poor addled brain. I can’t recall how long the interrogation continued as it is all a blur in mind.

I do recollect stammering out one last answer “a fourteenth century East-Indonesian tribal war spoon” and being certain that I had no more information left to give. My memory was a wrung sponge. My brain felt much like a lemon that had been squeezed for it‘s juice with nothing left but a crushed rind. Todd looked at me and smiled. He stood and offered me his hand. “Excellent work good fellow. You may pass and may continue through the next door. If you are inducted in the League I look forward to discussing with you some of the more advanced parts of my book.” I shook his hand and staggered out the door he pointed to.

I found myself in a small round room alone. There were six chairs and I sat wearily down across from the next door. I mopped the perspiration from my brow and waited for the others. I regarded the second door and wondered what challenge lay behind it. After a time, and one by one, Mr. Dove, Mr. Derek, Mr. Malt, and Mr. Red joined me. There was no sign of Mr. Oz. The others joked among themselves and it appeared their questioning had not been as intense an event as mine had. We all wondered what had become of Mr. Oz.

Dee and Rob joined us. Both seemed barely able to contain themselves from some great mirth within them. Rob announced “Mr. Oz unfortunately will not be continuing on to the next challenge. He answered a question regarding the Highland Regiments in an inaccurate manner.” Dee began to giggle. Rob smirked and continued “actually in a manner that was not only highly inaccurate but also highly inappropriate”. Dee at this point burst into laughter and exclaimed “but highly amusing! If you could have seen the look on Todd’s face…” Rob began to laugh as well and we stood there looking at them until they were able to calm themselves. Rob held up the sorting tam and Dee asked “are you ready for the next challenge?’

To be continued…

[McClef]

I've never seen "rich clotted cream" on a Scottish breakfast table...

[macwilkin]

A study of the relationship between European Heraldry and the development of Clan Tartans within a context of Regimental Symbols and the interplay of the Military History.

How did you guess the title of my Master's Thesis? :mrgreen:

T.

[davedove]

It was a traditional light Scottish breakfast of fried slices of haggis and other sausage, fried eggs, fried bacon, fried ham, fried potatoes, fried tomatoes, kippers, thick slices of toasted bread, rich clotted cream and tea. Like all the fare served within the great Hall, the meal was excellent, though somewhat dangerous to one‘s blood vessels that felt noticeably hardened and clogged by the meal’s end.

What??? No fried butter??

[starbkjrus]

Where do you come up with this?? Brilliant!

Of course now I'm hungry.

[Freelander Sporrano]

Oh Yummy! It must have been our chef Old Robertsons special :Wink:

[way2fractious]

Certain parts have the lingering aroma of autobiography. However, the best yarns are but multi-layered embellishments piled atop the core experiences. Write on!

[Weasel Mender]

More, More!!!!!!! I once thought I told a good story but I yield both horse and foot to a true master:yes: