> Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when
> his telephone rings.
>
> "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down
>
> at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you
>
> that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
>
>
>
> "Well, Monsieur Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news!
>
> How big is your army?"
>
>
>
> "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is
> meself,
>
> me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team
>
> from the pub and that makes eight of us.
>
>
>
> Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Monsieur Paddy, that I have 100,000
> men
>
> in my army waiting to move on my command."
>
>
>
> "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring ya back.
>
>
>
> Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
>
> still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "Well, we
>
> have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
>
>
>
> Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you monsieur that I have 6,000 tanks
>
> and 5 000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to
>
> 150,000 since we last spoke."
>
>
>
> "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to ya."
>
>
>
> Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
>
> still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified
>
> Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the
>
> cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well."
>
>
>
> Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
> tell
>
> you monsieur that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My
> military
>
> bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
>
> since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"
>
>
>
> "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring ya back."
>
>
>
> Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
>
> Chirac! I am sorry to inform ya that we have had to call off the war."
>
>
>
> "Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change
>
> of heart?"
>
>
>
> "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness
> and
>
> finally decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 French
> prisoners.