Krakow Poland's new "Kilt Wearing Etiquette" (press release)

[Nick]

This is a joke, right?

Please tell me this is a joke.

The "rules" are not only nonsensical, but ridiculous (tying the kilt to your shoes with fishing line??) And if this is (heaven forbid) real, the people who wrote it obviously know nothing about the relationship of kilt to stairs.

[TJP33928]

Truly Classic!

[Monkey@Arms]

This is a joke, right?

Please tell me this is a joke.

The "rules" are not only nonsensical, but ridiculous (tying the kilt to your shoes with fishing line??) And if this is (heaven forbid) real, the people who wrote it obviously know nothing about the relationship of kilt to stairs.

As I said above, they've taken a joke list of "kilt etiquite" from the internet, and modified it. Here's an earlier version

1. Walk, do not run. If you must walk quickly, keep both hands on your sporran. If your sporran is up around your neck, youre walking much too fast.

2. Do not walk up the globe stairs for an autographed cd signed by the lovely Miranda, fiddler to the Glengarry Bhoys.

3. Do not stoop, crouch or squat to pick up anything from the floor. Have a friend pick up the object for you. If your friend will not oblige, kick the object to a secluded place before you retrieve it.

4. Do not wear shiny new shoes. Dull them a little (perhaps with mud or mince) or wear spats and establish your credentials as the fashion trend setter that you are.

5. Do not stand at the edge of reflective fountains or any mirror-like puddles. On those formal events where you must wear silver buckles on your shoes, do not stand still for longer then five seconds at a time. Dance instead.

6. However, dance nothing more boisterous then a slow waltz. Reserve wild reels, jigs and flings for family gatherings where your identity requires no further elaboration, or for those occasions when your anonymity is assured. Limbo dancing in a kilt at any time definitely breaches kilt etiquette.

7. Respond only with an enigmatic smile to any questions about what is worn under your kilt. Avoid responding with the tired cliché Nothing is worn under my kilt; everything is in fine working order.

Similarly, do not offer any demonstrations of what is worn under your kilt. An offer such as Ill show you mine if you show me yours can be misconstrued as the opening salvo in an ever escalating series of challenges and exhibitions which might be illegal in public places, even between consenting adults.

8. Shaving of ones legs is unnecessary. However, hirsute highlanders who elect to wax the hair from their legs should wax the whole leg and not just the knee area displayed between kilt and hose. Such false economies only contribute to the myth of the cheap Scot. Also, it is considered in poor taste to suggest private viewings of your kilt-line.

9. Do not sit with one leg crossed over the other. This position requires you to un-cross your legs later, a tricky maneuver mastered by only a select few after years of training. Always sit with your knees no more than six inches apart, thus creating enough shadow for mystery and discretion. Avoid soft recliners, swings or rocking chairs wherethe sitters knees may move above shoulder level. Observance of these simple guidelines allows one to wear the kilt with panache and ensures your own confident decorum, all while providing your adoring audience with a stirring but not unsettling spectacle.

I am sure there are others out there.

Best regards,

Jake

[Fearnest]

This is a joke, right?

Please tell me this is a joke.

The "rules" are not only nonsensical, but ridiculous (tying the kilt to your shoes with fishing line??) And if this is (heaven forbid) real, the people who wrote it obviously know nothing about the relationship of kilt to stairs.

Probably true that these were lifted from elsewhere, but there have apparently been some huge problems with drunken kilted men in Poland.

This from The Daily Record:

KRAKDOWN
By Lachlan Mackinnon
SCOTS heading to Poland for stag trips are being warned not to lift their kilts - or our national dress could be banned.

The good burghers of Krakow and Warsaw are sick of the sight of boozed-up "men in skirts" flashing their bits in the street.

And the authorities in another popular stag night destination, the city of Wroclaw, have become so fed-up with the badly behaved minority of Scots they are seriously considering outlawing the kilt.

With beer at £1 a pint and £50 flights from Prestwick, Poland is fast becoming a favourite destination for Scots stag parties.

But a few morons seem determined to abuse the hospitality of the locals, and residents have made a string of complaints about kilt-lifting drunks.

Angry Agnieska Gaspar, 23, from Krakow, said: "You can't go round the corner without seeing a Scot showing off what he has under his kilt while one of his mates photographs him.


"I saw one lying in the gutter the other day with his kilt around his waist. He was drunk and it was freezing cold - I'm surprised he did not get frostbite."


The council in Wroclaw confirmed that they are looking into banning kilts, despite the police telling them they are perfectly legal.


A council spokesman asked: "Why would we want to see what Scotsmen wear under their kilts?


"We encourage people from all parts of the world to come here and enjoy themselves and obviously, if they want, to have a few drinks.


"The wearing of national dress is equally acceptable. But we do not want drunken hordes making people feel as if they do not want to go out on the streets at night for fear of who or what they might encounter.


"So far, the police have told us there can be no ban on kilts in our town as they are an accepted form of dress and there is nothing offensive about it.


"However, we are still looking into the matter. We have had a number of complaints from people who were confronted by drunks lifting their kilts and this is not the kind of behaviour our city wants to see."


A newspaper in Wroclaw has condemned the Scots' antics and carried photos of the flashers.


A spokesman for the paper, Dziennik, said: "It's easy to spot these so-called 'tourists' from a mile off. They wear kilts and leave behind them broken tables and chairs in bars.


"Then they stop people, smile at them and lift up their kilts to show what's underneath.


"But what is worse is that they go around doing it unpunished and our police do nothing. It is time to act."


Police in Wroclaw have now vowed to arrest kilt-lifters on sight.


Poland's representative in Scotland, consul general Aleksander Dietcow, branded the kilt-lifters "sad". He said: "I think part of the reason this is being highlighted is that because of their kilts, Scots are highly visible, especially when they misbehave."


Genuine kilt fans fear that the stag night yobs are tarnishing Scotland's reputation abroad.


Hamish Husband, of the west of Scotland arm of the Tartan Army, said: "This seems to go back to the warriors showing their bottoms in Braveheart. I think the danger is that this behaviour becomes associated with us.


"The kilt is a badge of honour and should be worn with pride. It shouldn't be lifted to shock people - that's immature and juvenile."


A spokeswoman for tourism body visitscotland said the kilt is an important symbol of Scotland as a "warm and friendly nation".


She added: "It would be a shame if a minority gave Scotland a bad name."

[bikercelt1]

I don't know if the list is intended to be tounge-in-cheek or not but it seems another case of living down to the lowest common denominator. Maybe it's a case of "lost in translation"? Don't they have any indecency laws in Poland? I get so weary of "punish the whole group cause it's easier than making the offenders responsible for their actions".

Jamie