The question- my first

[JimB]

It may sound weird but I've been wearing kilts with increasing regularity over the past year and I've never been asked "the question". Oh, I've had lots of people ask me if I play the pipes, and more than a few ask me if it was some sort of special day (any day is special when you wear a kilt) but I've never had anyone ask me "the" question. Until yesterday that is.

It was a fine looking lass who wanted to know more about my art, and when the converstation took a turn to kilts, she flat out just asked.

Kind of floored me because I wasn't expecting it, but I wasn't offended. I just told her that it's best if we maintain the mystery
I did explain the traditional way to wear it though and she will just have to wonder

[KiltedKop45]

I like the mystery answer. Thats Good , VERY Good
I haven't been asked the "Q" yet either and I like your answer.

[Kid Cossack]

"Only my wife knows for sure."

[Dirk Skene]

The way I answer depends on who, when, where & my mood. Given your case I probably would have said something like "my boots"

Others (all stolen) are:

A lady doesn't ask and a gentleman doesn't tell.
As you can see...my socks and shoes of course!
The usual.
Buy me a pint and I'll let you check for yourself!
Well, I don't want to brag...but this may be a turning point in your life!
Nothing is worn...everything is in perfect working order!
Only my wife knows.
If you want to check, you'll have to show me yours first!
If your hands aren't too cold, you can check for yourself!
How bad do you want to know?
The Lock Ness Monster!!! (stolen from tattoobradley)
A wee set of bag pipes.
Good girls don't ask. Bad girls find out for themselves!
Responses to men who ask The Question:
Haggis!!!
It's called "Regimental," dude. Google it.
Just what God gave me!
Usually the ladies ask that question. Hey! What team are you on anyhow?
I usually get up and where whatever I wore the night before.
Responses to men who ask, "Why are you wearing a skirt?":
Thanks for noticing. I get remarks from all the ladies!
It seems like most of the ladies here are wearing pants. So what I'm wondering is, why are YOU dressed like a woman?
It's called a kilt. Real men wear them. If I were your type, I would be wearing a skirt.
Now see, I just knew there would be one idiot that didn't know a kilt when he saw one. I guess that'd be you!
Just because you don't have the balls to wear a kilt is no reason to try to be insulting.
It takes a really secure man to wear a kilt. But, I'm quite certain you wouldn't understand.
Responses to people who ask, "Why are you wearing a kilt?"
Doctor's orders...no pants until the swelling goes down!
Some guys wear trousers. Others just need more room!
If women had a "package" between their legs, you can bet they wouldn't wear pants either!
Because the chicks dig it!
Once you try one on, you don't want to wear trousers anymore.

[Mumbles]

Awesome reply. Nothing like getting the question asked for the first time.. well, except for wearing the kilt all together for the first time.

[Mumbles]

Kudos Dirk for putting that together =)

[Ayin McFye]

Very nice compolation of responses. I have used quite a few of those. My buddy Matt made a t-shirt that says on the back "Warning!!! Only Lipstick worn underneath kilt" Sometimes when asked he's modify that to be "Different shades of lipstick". But i agree with you, it all depends on who asks, where you are, and how much i've had to drink.

[GMan]

In those types of situations, when they are prim and proper, I usually tell them something like this; you seem to refined to ask those type of questions.

[fluter]

JimB, great answer. You don't need any advice from me, but here are mine.

Short answer: A light summer-weight mystique.
Short answer: What kind of underwear are you wearing?

More detailed answer, for use when asked by an attractive lady:

Well, it depends. If I'm running 5 kilometers at the highland games, one option might be appropriate; for everyday wear, another option. When I'm asked that question by an especially attractive lady, a third option comes immediately to mind.

The object, of course, is to see if we can make her blush. If not, try the "If you were a lady..." line.

[beloitpiper]

You know what I hate? When they ask "Are you wearing underwear?" They don't even know how to ask The Question properly! If they expect a snappy, hilarious answer, then they better learn how to ask The Question.

It's "What are you wearing under there?"
Not "Are you wearing underwear?"