Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast

[Panache]

Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast

A Victorian Tale of Horror told in Chapters

Chapter 10

As I walked along the metal mesh gangway towards the observation deck I heard an English accented voice coming from a small alcove next one of the large helium cells. There the very fellow I sought stood speaking to our three new Security Ensigns. As I joined them all four turned to face me. Deciding that our newest members instruction took precendence over my complaints, I motioned for David to continue.

David smiled at Mr. Splash, Mr. BEEDEE, and Mr. Mender.

“Gentlemen, I must first ask if any of you three have any knowledge of proper zeppelin security protocol?” he asked.

“Not I”, said Mr. Splash

“Nor I”, said Mr. BEEDEE

“Actually I have assisted in several balloon flights. Does that count?”, said Mr. Mender brightly.

David regarded Mr. Mender scornfully. “Did your balloons have eight 560 horsepower Maybach VL-2 engines?”

“Well no”.

“20 Vickers machine gun ports?”

“No, not as such”

“Twin Bomb racks?”

“We had a nice picnic lunch in a basket and a buttery Chardonnay to go with it?” he offered.

David stared at him coldly.

“I’ll just shut up now” , Mr. Mender said quietly.

“That would be appreciated” he said in a silky and sinister manner before cheerfully returning to the subject at hand.

“Being that you know nothing of proper zeppelin security procedure (he evilly rubbed his hands together) let me fill you in on a few details. You have my assurance that everything I say is absolutely true. Just trust in me and everything will go just swimmingly.” I snorted and David glared at me.

“For us?” inquired Mr. Splash.

“Well for me certainly. By the by, here are your badges of rank”. David then produced a few ornate badges from his sporran and pinned one to each man’s red tunic just above the heart.

Mr. BEEDEE looked at the insignia and asked “This badge is shaped like a big target. Is this to represent our keen aim?”

David smiled darkly “Something like that”.

He continued “Now because a zeppelin’s security team always wear a red top, this is why they are traditionally called Red Shirts. So when you hear someone say “Red Shirt go over there to that strange green glowing blob and see if it‘s dangerous!” That means you. Understand?”

The three gentlemen nodded.

Mr. Splash asked “is there medical insurance that comes with this position?”

David laughed, “not to my knowledge but we do cover any and all funeral expenses. That will be all for now, Red Shirts dismissed!”

Mr. Splash, Mr. BEEDEE, and Mr. Mender smartly saluted, spun on their heels, and marched off it perfect unison.

David smiled and asked me “was there something in particular you needed?”



I looked hard at him “There is a reporter in my Command Gondola and I want him…”

My thoughts raced back to something David had just mentioned.

"...Wait just a minute! I thought I had said that we weren’t going to need machine guns and bomb racks. I crossed them off the blue prints!” I pointed accusingly at David.

David regarded me coolly. “Indeed you did cross them off the blue prints with your pencil. I however possessed both initiative and an eraser. Cheer up though! What is a zeppelin without bomb racks? It would be like a hawk without talons, a viper without fangs, a scorpion without a telson, a shark without teeth, a ferret without an explosive charge…”

I looked hard at David “You are a very strange person” I stated.

He smiled widely “You have no idea.”

David now pointed accusingly at me.

“You know Jamie I couldn’t help noticing there is a large very securely locked storeroom aft which didn’t show up on the original plans. I took the liberty of taking a peek inside.”

I raised an eyebrow. David shrugged.

“Locks are something that detain other people. Anyway, I was most interested to note the some 500 gallons of Gin, 50 gallons of vermouth, and 2 barrels of cocktail onions you have stored there. We must be the be the first arctic expedition in history to be sponsored by Tanqueray.”

My cheeks flushed a bit at the mention of my now not-so-secret provisions

David asked “Was there anything else?”

“Never mind “, I muttered.

“So we are off to the arctic finally?”

“No, not quite. We have one final stop before.”

“Oh? Might I inquire where we are headed?”

“To British Columbia, Canada. We need appropriately warm kilts for the crew to protect them from the bitter cold we will experience. I also wish to see if I can gleam a little more information about the acryli-beast. There is someone in British Columbia who can provide both. He may be an old, strange and cranky kilt maker, but we need to see him.”

David said “You mean?”

“Yes David... We’re off to see the Wizard, a curmudgeonly wizard who is odd”


To Be Continued…