Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast

[ccga3359]

But Grant, Panache is indicating by this misspelling not grammatical error, but the way in which McMurdo made the statement - the hesitation while searching for the correct word to sum your character in its entirety; the word of course, being "wanker."

Mr Ompet, we both know that McMurdo does not speak with a southern drawl, so he would have pronouced "well" sharply like "well" and not "welll". And since you continue to berate this subject might I point out that Wanker should be capitalized.
Then again let us ask who is THE true Wanker. Let us examine the evidence. Could Panache's new lap dog McMurdo really a spy? Does he not hold membership in SOKS?




Messers Splash, Mender & BEEDEE, what make you of this revelation?

[BEEDEE]

WANKER - Wearing A New Kilt Expects Results!

Grant - what did you think wanker meant?

Ens BEEDEE XMAS Saltire Security

[ccga3359]

WANKER - Wearing A New Kilt Expects Results!

Grant - what did you think wanker meant?

Ens BEEDEE XMAS Saltire Security

Or in french,

WALKEKC

Wearing Leather Kilt Expect Kilt Checks

Different names same results...

Cue Gilbert O'Sullivan

"Alone again, naturally..."

[Panache]

Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast

A Victorian Tale of Horror told in Chapters

Chapter 18

”PUT THE CREW ON FULL ALERT! EVERYONE TO THEIR STATIONS! TODD TAKE EVASIVE MANEUVERS!" I commanded.

A klaxon alarm sounded throughout the Saltire. On her various decks coffee pipes and fittings were dropped, music stands were knocked over, and sheet music scattered in the wild scramble of our musician crew to get to their posts.

“Excuse me, where are the parachutes?” asked Jake. We all ignored the kilted reporter.

The Saltire, already a large and ponderous vessel, now made more sluggish with the lack of half of her engine power, moved with painful slowness. Todd’s hands were clenched on his controls and he muttered to himself through clenched teeth “rasantere, rasantere, rasantere” as if by sheer force of will he could enable the great airship to get out of harm’s way.

Our zeppelin turned starboard just barely in time to avoid collision with the Maple Leaf and her deadly spar. As the blimp passed us on our port side I caught a glimpse of a determined looking clean shaven man with thick glasses at the helm still grimly trying to wheel his airship to strike us.

“Well done Todd, now gain us some altitude! Perhaps we can out-climb Grant‘s blimp” said I.

“Ja Kaptain!” the sandy haired moderator answered.

“The Maple Leaf is turning away. She is circling and climbing. Looks like she is going to come at us from starboard side!” reported McMurdo staring out our gondola’s window. We watched in horror as the blimp again was headed straight at us.

“Excuse me, where are the parachutes?” asked Jake.

“Todd, take us hard to port and keep climbing!” I instructed.

A shudder rocked through the zeppelin as we abruptly changed course. Again we narrowly avoided the blimp’s weapon. This time we were close enough to our opponent’s gondola that I could clearly see Grant behind his pilot screaming and waving his rubber chicken at us with one hand whilst the other gestured wildly and pointed to his hair and posterior.

“We can’t escape her on half power!” Todd declared from the helm.

“Grant’s blimp is circling and climbing again. It looks like she is going to try and ram us from behind” cried McMurdo again from the window. The red and white blimp was racing behind us and the gap between the airships was slowly but surely shrinking.

“Err… folks, could someone please tell me where the parachutes are?” asked Jake again.

In the mass of concerned faces on the bridge one shone with almost childlike delight. David’s eyes gleamed and he rubbed his hands together with glee. He grinned evilly as he said “Well, then, Captain, with your permission, I’ll have the gunners blow this stupid balloon right out of the sky.” With this he turned to the intercom speaking tube and began “All gunners to…”

“NO” I cut him off and covered the mouth of the tube with my hand.

“Oh, you want the planes to shoot him down. I’ll get the pilots to the hangar”, David tried to move my hand away from the intercom.

“NO, we are not going to kill those people aboard the Maple Leaf!”

“WHAT! That maniac is trying to kill US! Fair’s fair! He had his turn and now it’s MINE”, David cackled.

“A sporran is not worth a human life.” I stated simply.

“Well Grant seems to think so!” said an exasperated David in a fit of disbelief.

“Yes, but Grant is a wanker”, piped in McMurdo.

“That’s a very noble sentiment Captain. Now if it’s not too much trouble, could someone direct me where the parachutes are?” asked Jake.

I thought quickly. We couldn’t outrun him in our current shape and the blimp was far more maneuverable than we were. “Doesn’t that idiot realize we could blow him from the sky?” I murmured in frustration.

“I know an exceptionally good way to illustrate this to him.” offered David helpfully.

“I don’t want to destroy his ship midair, I just need to let the wind out of his sails a little!” I snapped back. Then my eyes came to rest on a piece of sheet music that had floated down to the command gondola from the interior of the zeppelin. Looking at it gave me a sudden inspiration.

“Todd maintain course! Keep climbing!” I directed. Grabbing the intercom tube from David’s hand I ordered “ENSIGN MENDER REPORT TO THE AFT GUN BATTERY! ALL CELLISTS REPORT TO AFT GUN BATTERY WITH YOUR INTSTUMENTS " I called for Todd that he had the bridge and ran to the ladder. Todd asked “What are you going to do?”

It was my turn to smile evilly “I’m going to let the air out of Grant’s balloon”.

I dashed through the very, very long interior of the Saltire with great haste. A small observation deck had been intended for the very rear end of the zeppelin. To my dismay David had altered my plans during the ship’s construction and turned the observation deck into a gun battery with two sets of deadly machine guns. While I had no intention of using David’s weapons, the movable windscreen there would offer an ideal firing range for mine.

Arriving at the small semi-circular room I found the massive Mr. Mender already there standing next to the still tarp-covered Vickers guns, as usual he was bristling with his personal arsenal of weaponry. The large man saluted “Ensign Mender reporting for duty sir!” he snapped to attention.

“Mr. Mender I need a volley of arrows to damage, but not destroy the gas bag of the blimp that is following us.” I stated.

“With apologies Captain, I have skill with a bow, but for a volley of arrows I would require multiple archers.” he apologized.

“Then you shall have them” I nodded as the cellists began to enter the room.

“Sir, I have but the one bow…”

“I think you shall find these good gentlemen and ladies suitably equipped. If you would distribute your arrows”.

At this this, as one, all my all my erstwhile musicians held up their cellos with pride.

Mr. Mender suddenly understood. He began passing out arrows to the cellists “The A string, I should think” he advised them.

“Open the windscreen!” I ordered. The screen was folded and moved aside and the cold wind whipped around us. The droning of our engines and the thrumming of Grant’s filled our ears. Behind us the Maple Leaf was closing fast on our position. The lethal spar pointed directly at us. If my plan failed that spike would pierce through the blue canvas covering the Saltire and tear apart the thin aluminum shell beneath. It didn’t matter if Grant destroyed one of our major helium cells or simply gave us enough structural damage to cause us to be ripped apart in the wind… the end would be the same. I would only get one chance. If we fired too soon we would miss, too late and it wouldn’t make a difference.

“Notch arrows!” I yelled.

Mr. Mender put his arrow to his bow string while the cellists about him did the same with a string from their cellos.

The Maple Leaf drew closer.

“Draw!”

The strings were pulled back.

The red and white blimp was almost in range.

“AIM”

It was now or never.

“FIRE!”

There was a dull strumming sound as the arrows were released. They flew true and landed into the top of the Maple Leaf’s gas bag. While there was no sound to be heard over the wind and the engines, the effect of the multiple shafts protruding from the blimp was remarkable. The blimp ceased rising though the Saltire continued upwards. Closer drew the blimp yet the spar’s point began to aim lower and lower as the blimp began to slowly descend. As the SOKS airship finally closed with ours we were a scant 15 feet above her. But it was enough to avoid collision. We watched as she continued on a slight downward angle. I was sure that the blimp would have just enough gas to make an emergency landing. I bade my crew to shut the screens and thanked them all for their efforts in saving the ship.

I returned to the gondola as quickly as possible. “Good work everyone!” I thanked our bridge crew and especially our skilled helmsman (who was sitting and wiping the sweat from his brow). I looked at everyone and spoke very seriously.

“Grant and his crew may be out of the picture, or they might not. It will take time to repair that blimp, if it can be repaired. Meanwhile we need to get to that Inuit tribe and get to the pole as quickly as we can. There is no time to lose!”



To Be Continued

[ccga3359]

Curses, foiled again. You'll see my point soon enough Panache! Big Mikey drop the ballast, Mr MacHummel aim for that clearing two points off the port bow.

[McMurdo]

A most enjoyable tale, I look forward to Chapter 19

[pdcorlis]

Fasten your seatbelts - it looks like we're in for a bumpy ride...

[irishrob]

Fasten your seatbelts - it look like we're in for a bumpy ride...

Especially if the bad boys are in a "downward [B]INcline"[B]!!! But then again, just the other day I'm sure that when naptime came I was in an "upward recline!"

Rob

[McClef]

Brilliant SOKS photos!

[ccga3359]

A most enjoyable tale, I look forward to Chapter 19

Fear not Traitor the mighty Maple Leaf shall set sail again...
...You have not heard the last of SOKS, Now Big Mikey please remove your foot from my...