Good Comebacks?

[Chase]

My balls don't fit in troosers, but I see yours do. Poor fella.

ROTFLMAO

[woodard]

A couple of lines I use when dealing with jerks. They work in most situations.
1) Your opinion is none of my business. Keep it to your-self.
2) That'll be $200. You're trying to occupy space in my head and the rent's not cheap.

[Coemgen]

I have just recently graduated from high school, so perhaps I might be able to offer some age-appropriate advice.

Of course, the best thing is to ignore them. If it is necessary to give a response (as in some circumstances it is), a polite(r) one is best. However, there are times when you need a quick, cutting piece of sarcasm to respond with. For these (thankfully rare) circumstances, I've had to make use of these:

1: I see that the women around here are wearing pants; why, sir, are you wearing women's clothing?
2: Well, you see, I need the room. You obviously don't.
3: Girls dig it.

(note: use this one with EXTREME caution!)
4: Funny you should say that; your girlfriend didn't seem to mind it at all.

[Coemgen]

I recently had a woman walk up to me in a store when I was with my wife and ask the same thing. My simple reply was "Lipstick!"

That's one of my favourite responses to "the question." It depends on the company, of course. My favs are:

"Socks and shoes."
"Freedom."
"I'm not good with words, and I'm awfully shy; how warm are your hands?"

[BruceK]

I came up with a new one when asked this by my brother-in-law over the weekend:

"Buy yourself a kilt and then you'll know!"

[Dirka Skene]

Why don't you just say, "I like the breeze," and leave it at that?

[Roan Carter]

Someone once asked me how I pee in this thing.
I said, "Standing up."

[Mr. Woolery]

I've used the "goldfish" line a couple of times. Confuses them until you get to the end. I think I got it from Kilt Day. Only really works if they are sincere in asking why you wear it.

"You know how goldfish grow to suit the size of their tank? Well, think of trousers as a really small fishbowl..."

I didn't have to spell it out either time, but I imagine a smirk at the end would carry all the implication needed. Let them figure out the rest.

I have only owned a kilt for about a year and worn one just a few times previous to that. Never got the chance to say things like this in high school. Pity. Might have been fun.

Last time I went dancing I left the kilt at home and a couple of people asked me "where's your skirt?" My response was "you know why it is called a kilt? Because so many people who call it a skirt end up getting 'kilt.'" Good for a chuckle, as it was clear I was just joking around, not threatening. I'm not the only one who wears a kilt there, though mine is the prettiest. The harpist is often in a Utilikilt. While a very practical garment, it just doesn't look as stylin' as a wool handmade.

-Patrick