Yes it is a common problem. I have it too.

The short answer is: it takes time (and patience and understanding).

I think one of the issues is that women have a much greater sense of dressing to fit in with the company or occasion. They want to be very sure in advance that they are going to be dressed appropriately. Of course they'd like to stand out in company but, usually, in the sense that they are recognized as having done an exceptionally good job of dressing correctly for whatever the given event is rather than being out of step with everyone else. (Yes there are exceptions to every rule.)

Most men (generalizing again) take the view that they'll wear what they like and damn the consequences. There are definitely exceptions to this too, notably members of this forum who endlessly obsess about what are the right combinations of clothing for all sorts of events, but as a general rule the male attitude to dressing for occasions does differ from the female and the male is likely to be less worried by being caught out in the "wrong" clothes i.e. not matching what everyone else is wearing.

So your wife, and mine too, is out to protect you from the strong feeling of discomfort that she would feel if she was dressed differently from the rest. Mine has often said to me when I propose to wear a kilt to something she thinks is inappropriate "I don't know why you want to draw attention to yourself like that." She'd hate it. I don't care.

So she is perfectly happy for me to wear a kilt to Scottish things or as formal dress but not just to walk down to the local shops and especially not to walk down there with her.

I do understand - and I try to explain that it does not bother me. The point is it bothers her. So it is a matter of give and take. Sometimes I fall in with her wishes. Sometimes she has to fall in with mine.

It is gradually getting easier - especially now that most of the local community is used to seeing me kilted and she has had lots of opportunities to hear friendly (generally appreciative) responses from these people to me.

Softly softly is the only way.