I've only gone paintballing once, and it was pretty fun. I would do it again if the guys were going, but I wouldn't go out of my way to do it. There's just too many little things that bother me.

The first problem is that it isn't the same as the real thing. I know I shouldn't expect it to be, but that is what I really want. Adjusting to the difference between a paintball gun and a real one is an annoyance.

The thing which bugs me more however is all the rules and the structure of the game. The place I went didn't allow climbing things, jumping over obstacles or doing other things like which could theoretically lead to a minor injury and a major lawsuit. I also don't have access to the variety of weapons I would like. A paintball shotgun, sniper rifle, grenade launcher or mine would be a ton of fun (hell, I wanted to bring a paint gun to simulate a flamethrower) but it isn't an option. And I don't like that a hit anywhere is considered lethal. If I ever play it in a less controlled environment with a bunch of friends, I will probably suggest a rule stating that an "injured" limb cannot be used and that it should have to be patched up with a phony med kit within a certain amount of time or you're out.

And worst of all, I can't use my preferred tactics. I enjoy a shoot out as much as the next guy, but I love stealth. I want a game that allows me to sneak around at night, make my move when I want and from the direction I want, set traps, climb walls, pick locks, evade guards (or if absolutely necessary, neutralize them quickly and quietly and hide the body), accomplish my objective and get out of there before anyone knows what's happened.

If anyone knows of a place that would let me do that sort of thing, let me know.

I'm not saying all this to beat up on paintball, as the problem isn't with paintball itself. It's just that I can't separate my expectations and desires from the game, and that hurts the experience a bit. As such it's just easier for me to get my combat fix from halo 3 or mass effect.

By the way, I'd love to play kilted, but I'm not doing that to one of my kilts. That and any shot to the lower front or back of the kilt would inevitably lead to an argument about whether or not it should count since it could have gone between my legs.