Piper and Bubba

[JS Sanders]

Yesterday I performed at a funeral near Memphis. Typically, I was dressed to the nines, kilt pressed, brogues polished, and a demeanor appropriate to the somber occasion. One of the 1st things a piper must learn at gigs is not to do anything that that draws or creates undue attention. He is a hired-hand and must conduct himself as such. Anything else is pretty much unforgiveable.

As the funeral cortege arrived at graveside, I took my position to pipe the coffin from hearse to the lowering device. This had been requested by the gentleman who hired me.

It usually takes a few minutes for mourners to exit vehicles and assemble for the graveside ceremony. As I was waiting for my cue to begin playing, a well-dressed middle-aged Bubba approached me and proceeded to tell me how much he detested anything related to the Great Highland Bagpipes.

Anyone who’s worn their kilt publicly has suffered indignities thrust upon them by morons. Pipers get the double-whammy. It is bewildering how many strangers find it necessary to disparage the pipes in general and pipe music specifically to someone they know nothing about.

Anyway, the funeral director was waiting for the remainder of the people and Bubba was using this to his advantage to continue his diatribe. I stepped aside once, but he followed. Still the coffin remained in the hearse and Bubba was still going at it.

I was still waiting for my cue and he was becoming a serious distraction. I swung my pipes onto my shoulder and in the process the outboard tenor drone managed to give him a ‘whack’ – probably on the forehead. Truthfully, it was unintentional. I was merely wanting to drown him out with the drones and hoping he'd go away.

Thankfully and almost at the same time the coffin was slid from the hearse and I led the pallbearers & coffin to the grave.

Afterwards, I sought the lead funeral director and told my story before he had a chance to hear something else from Bubba. The funeral director had seen what happened and had a big laugh as a result.

As it turns out, Bubba was the deceased’s brother-in-law – the obnoxious kind no one likes. He’d been nothing but a PIA for everyone at the funeral home from the beginning, even though he wasn't the one signing the check.

steve

[auld argonian]

I'm so sorry that you had to go through something like that in those circumstances. We've had a couple of "family incidents" at funerals in the past few years...I don't know why some people feel that they can get away with such behavior in such sad social circumstances but it seems to me to just be another example of the loss of civility that's been going on for some time now.

I suppose that (hindsight being 20/20) you might have just said, "Sir, this is hardly an appropriate time to engage in a discussion of this nature. I'd be happy to talk to you after the internment." Not that you would be happy to talk to him...

Hope your "assault with a deadly weapon" doesn't get you hauled into court but I'm sure that most judges would not only kick the charge, they'd probably ask you why you only hit him with the tenor drone and didn't just let him have it with the entire set of pipes.

Best

AA

[macwilkin]

Reminds me of the famous story that happened years ago when a member of the Household Division at Buckingham Palace had enough and kicked an American tourist who was doing her best to distract him from his duties.

For a number of months afterwards, former members of the Household Division mounted a guard themselves, armed with the regimental brally to chase away annoying tourists.

Perhaps you should hire a "piper's ghillie"? :mrgreen:

Regards,

Todd

[davedove]

Hope your "assault with a deadly weapon" doesn't get you hauled into court

Well, the pies were considered weapons of war at one time, not that Bubba would know that.

[JS Sanders]

Since I posted this earlier this morning, the funeral director phoned me to say how everyone at the funeral home got such a kick from the 'incident'. He said from his perspective the drone bumped this goomer in the shoulder and he then instinctively jumped outta the way.

What I didn't see was when that occured, Bubba slid on a patch of loose turf and almost lost his footing. Funeral director said family members saw it too and thought the whole 'incident' would've been hilarious at any other occasion, particularly because they said Bubba finally got his comeuppance.

After I was gone and back at the funeral home, Bubba continued his bravo sierra, loudly complaining about flower arrangements, the chapel, personnel, yadda-yadda.

[Dirk Skene]

Dang Steve I'm sorry to hear about the redneck. Sounds like you kept your dignity and thus helped maintained the proper atmosphere. I’ll bet you have other stories as well. Can’t wait to hear ‘em in person.

[beloitpiper]

Wow, I hope I never have to deal with that. Piping at a funeral is already so stressful, having somebody complain about my playing wouldn't make it any easier. I'm glad you handled it like a gentleman!

[auld argonian]

In the future we'll have Xmarks snipers standing by with tranquilizer dart rifles.

What kind of dose do we use on a bubba...I know what it is for a rhino or a hippo...oh well, let's just double it up...no sense taking chances.

Best

AA

[Jack Daw]

Steve, I'm sorry you had such an experience. I think I can relate as I have had, so far, only one bad experience as a piper. Once, when I showed up for a pro-bono solo piping gig at a grade school that was hosting an international fair, the teacher who hired me kept mentioning how disappointed she was that she couldn't get E. J. Jones (a pro piper from Clandestine), who played at the event the prior year. That much I could take; although, her candor surprised me. Thankfully, that was before I started playing.

I played for 4 straight hours (from 10am to 2pm), taking requests and playing my heart out with very small breaks and no lunch. When I finally started packing to leave, she came back to me and said how much she liked my playing, but that I had been hired to be there until 4PM, which would have meant another 2 hours of playing. I was worn out and told her so and left guiltlessly. Now, I know why E.J. didn't come back.

[Alaskan Kilted Guy]

My hat is off to those of you who take on often thankless tasks at the behest of others.