"A Different Perspective"

[JamieKerr]

I used to say "don't do..." "you should..." and a number of other things I had heard my mother say to me growing up. Now (unless it's a safety issue or against BSA policy) I turn to the adult next to me and say, "watch what happens.." or "wait, just listen, they will work it out".

And isn't that part of "Seeking first to understand..."

There is a world of difference between 'kilt' and 'skirt' and it is usually in the understanding or misunderstanding of it all.

I just chose to highlight a few aspects of what you said, because are the parts that made me nod in agreement. I'm a social worker, and a huge fan of motivational interviewing. For those who don't know what that is, let me give a lil info. Say I'm at a treatment facility working with people who are dependent on alcohol. We're all familiar with the "how many more dui's will it take for you to understand that you have a problem? What else has to happen for you to GET it?" That approach of beating someone over the head with the "I know better than you, LISTEN TO ME!" does not work, period. Firstly, it is insulting to the other person. Secondly, it is not listening to what the other person has to say. MI is a non judgmental way of helping a person to see the pros and cons of their behavior, and then help facilitate the changes THEY want to make. Additionally, sometimes you just have to let people work things out for themselves. Seeking to understand falls into this as well. You may not like the way a person does something. But there may be a very good reason for the way they are doing it. Trying to understand the logic behind the action helps you to understand why they may be so violently defending themselves, and why they are so resistant to change.

As for the world of different between a kilt and a skirt. Again, I have to draw on my experiences as a social worker. I've spent time working with many HIV AIDS clients. Asking a person their sexual orientation and then drawing conclusions about behaviors they do or do not engage in is a huuuuuuge mistake. Different cultures define "gay" very very differently. Someone who may obviously be gay in one culture may not be considered to be in another. While a particular action or behavior might look exactly the same in two cultures, it doesn't have to BE the same in two cultures.

Anyway. This week it seems like people have been doing nothing but arguing amongst themselves on this board. We have enough people being critical of our dress without turning on ourselves as well. We all are very different, and we all wear the kilt or pseudo kilt or whatever you want to call it for different reasons. Let us not forget that fact. Let us also not forget that the kilt is very important to all of us for one reason or another. So often I hear others saying "I understand why you do this, but this is why you're wrong." That, to me, does not show understanding at all. That shows that you simply heard what was said but did not process it.