I Am The Model of a Modern Major-General!

[Coemgen]

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I am the very model of a kilted individual;
I've information cultural, historical, sartorial.
I know all of the tailors and I quote the prices of 'em all
From Steve Ashton to Tewksbury in order ctegorical.
I'm very well acquainted, too, with non-woolen material.
From Stillwater to USA, even from the Corner (Frugal).
About the Gold Brothers' ones I'm teeming with a lot o' news. (Not good news, either!)
I spend more time on X-Marks than my girlfriend does on her hair-dos.

CHORUS: He spends more time on X-Marks than his girlfriend does on her hair-dos.
He spends more time on X-Marks than his girlfriend does on her hair-dos.
He spends more time on X-Marks than his girlfriend does on her hair- her hair-dos.

I'm very good at making complex thread counts right there on the spot,
I know the names of all the makers of the kilts that I have got.
In short, in matters cultural, historical, sartorial,
I am the very model of a kilted individual!

CHORUS: In short, in matters cultural, historical, sartorial,
He is the very model of a kilted individual!

I know the kilted history, I've read Matt Newsome's articles,
At the Scottish Tartan Museum I studied ev'ry particle.
I read in wonder guides and books on wearing kilts and making them
From So, You're Going to Wear the Kilt! to The Art of Kilt Makin'.
I know the variations numerous made of the Government Sett,
I know that the MacTablecloth is actually the MacMedic,
My sporrans are innumerable - I've leather, horsehair, full mask too, (Would you believe an alligator one?)
I've even got a llama skin one that was hand-made in Peru!

CHORUS: He's even got a llama skin one that was hand-made in Peru!
He's even got a llama skin one that was hand-made in Peru!
He's even got a llama skin one that was hand-made - hand-made in Peru!

For daywear I use brown but in the evening all my leather's black,
No-one needs to tell that the pleats are always in the back.
In short, in matters cultural, historical, sartorial,
I am the very model of a kilted individual!

CHORUS: In short, in matters cultural, historical, sartorial,
He is the very model of a kilted individual!

In fact, when I know what is meant by "sgian dubh," "kilt pin," and "hose,"
When my tartans don't look like they've just fallen out of someone's nose,
When at such affairs as pleating to the stripe and sett I'm less guess-y,
And when I know, precisely, what is meant by "kingussie."
When I learn what advances have been made since the use of the hand loom,
When I know more of doublets than anybody in the room,
In short, when I've a smattering of elementary fashion sense, (What exactly is wrong with wearing 8 tartans at once, eh?)
You'll say a better kilted individual has ne'er been dressed!

CHORUS: You'll say a better kilted individual has ne'er been dressed!
You'll say a better kilted individual has ne'er been dressed!
You'll say a better kilted individual has ne'er -has ne'er been dressed!

For my ability to look real smart - that is, dress with panache -
While in a kilt is somewhat less that of a bowl of goulash.
But still, in matters cultural, historical, sartorial,
I am the very model of a kilted individual!

CHORUS: But still, in matters cultural, historical, sartorial,
He is the very model of a kilted individual!