Cheap formal wear?

[DWFII]

There must be some sort of middle ground in here somewhere. Personally, I don't think the distinction between manners and etiquette is all that significant. The definition of "manners" given above is a fair one and the example provided is very compelling but beyond that it gets more murky and, for me, misses the point altogether.

I think a better definition is that manners come from within and etiquette is an external codification of widely admired manners, formulated to make as many people feel comfortable as possible. To help people who might be a little "at sea" to feel more at ease--if you know some basic principles of etiquette, they will, in most cases, keep you from drinking from the fingerbowl.

On the other hand, no one should have to drink out of the fingerbowl even to make a guest seem less awkward. That the host does so indicates a generous spirit but it doesn't invalidate the gaff to begin with. Most conventions...etiquette included...are social "grease," if you will.

When it comes to kilts and highland dress, there are two points I think are important...first, it's all costume. That's why most of the books written about various styles of clothing have titles such as "Men's Costume in the 19th Century."

The second point is that whatever costume you wear, it makes things easier...socially...if you respect the costume and the traditions that inform it, and not try to put your own spin on it.

"The eye is not fooled"...this is a common saying in my line of work. Most people will know when the lintel is not square or a painting not hung straight. Even if they cannot put their finger on it, or articulate why, they will, on a subconscious level, feel a bit uneasy about something. This is a part of human nature that has its roots in our deepest instincts. From a time when a "wrongness" in the shadows might be a predator.

A person wearing a kilt well generates a whole lot less speculation and unease...because it fits our mental image of what looks right...than someone who is making it up as they go along. It doesn't have anything to do with "inclusion" or "exclusion" or "dirt under the fingernails." It has a lot to do with respect, and traditions, and putting others at ease. It can be just as unmannerly to flaunt the customs of your host as it is mannerly to put a guest at ease.

One last point...and I hope this is the most controversial point I make..I regret the impulse in our society to reduce everything to the lowest common denominator. Whether it is elitism or not, there is such a thing as "good, better, best." It may be relative (for some) but it is real. And recognizing that fact is the only way to guarantee personal growth. No craftsman can move from apprentice to master without acknowledging that there is a standard of work that transcends his own. And that's true at every level...even the master's level.

If you think about it, the same thing applies to the most mundane aspects of everyday life...even kilts.