Pay back time?

[mbhandy]

Well good luck on your move to NZ. I have always wanted to go there.

Now You know your mother best and it seems you are still talking to her, maybe some what limited. It also sounds like your sister is not on good terms. So she is controlling and sounds manipulating. First find out if you are invited to the wedding and reception. If this is a second for both they might not even be formal. Mine was Pioneer style in buck skins and some people even wore Shorts, Hawaiian Shirts and Teva. The Wedding and Reception was in small park and we set up a Lodge for part of the ceremony.

If you are invited, "wear clothes" as request on the invitation. If no mention of attire you and your husband can wear want you want to wear and have fun.
If you want to play the pipes bring them and let every one see them and I am sure you will be asked to play. I bring my Harmonicas every where and am asked to play alot.
Nothing wrong with being a little pushy.

The main thing is if you go have fun if no fun is happening you can always leave. After all you are going to NZ.

Lots of luck,
MrBill

[Prester John]

Honor the bride.

[Scully]

Unbelievable. If my wife's mother did that I would have been tempted to reschedule the wedding and tell all the guests why. I think you need to arrange for your mother's new husband to wear a kilt, wouldn't that be good surprise for her...

I have to agree. Ask if the groom is game.

[LadyGriffin]

What you do is up to you.
Remember these things, though:
1) There is more than one person involved in this upcoming marriage. How would your stepfather feel? Do you want to hurt HIM, too? He seemed to be a nice guy from your description.
2) Remember not the ANGER, but the PAIN that you felt on your wedding day. Do you really want to put another person through that? What purpose would it really serve?
3) You are moving. FAR away. Soon. You do/my have kids. Do you really want to cut ties with family? Do you want them to know how YOU behaved? They WILL find out, sooner or later. Is that the example you want to be?
4) You said you are 10+ yrs for your marriage. I suggest before you leave for your new home, have that wedding you always wanted. Even if it is just the reception. Take pictures, LOTS of pictures. Invite everyone kilted. INVITE YOUR MOM and her new husband. Give him a kit to wear. Show them what it would have been like if you had it your way. TEACH her, do not spite or demean her. Be the better person. Leave with a good memory, not bitterness.
5) I agree with other in you should tell her how you feel about how she ruined your wedding. AFTER hers, not before. Then tell her you are planning this party/re-dedication of vows/reception for yourselves. Politely tell her she is invited as long as she does NOT interfere with what you are doing. It is YOUR life, not hers. Stress that, A LOT.


I am sure there is more that you can add to this list.

I have been hurt before. DEEPLY. Believe me, it is NOT worth it to do it to others.
Who knows what the future will hold. All you can do is be the person YOU want to be, not a reflection of what SHE did to you.

Just my 5 cents worth.

Julie

[Tim Little]

Just my 5 cents worth.

Julie

Brilliant advice.

[Ian.MacAllan]

Possibly, and only Squeaky is close enough to really know, but I have known people like that in my life who have absolutely NO clue that what they're doing is wrong. And the difficult part is that they mean well and think they are helping.

Dave, I think I understand your point and I agree that it may possibly (though I think not probably) apply here. In any case, Lady Griffin has done a far better job than I of balancing the conflicting possibilities of this situation, so I refer you to her last post.

Nevertheless I think it is time for me to withdraw from this thread because it has gotten rather far from the subject of kilts.

.

[Coemgen]

Just my 5 cents worth.

Julie

[BroosterB1]

Ok, Ive held off as long at this to see what the rest of the Rabble has to say.

I must agree that Lady Griffien what has to say is very close to my ideas on the manner.

However I must say this; do no harm. If what you decide to do will estrange you from your family, do not do it. Be a bigger person than she, if she feels it necessary to diminish your special day, you do not have to respond in kind.

Before you do anything, know that there are others who value you just the way you are. Before you leave to NZ, if you want to have a "real" wedding, with pipers, handfasting, pinning of the tartan, and presentation of the family sword, the whole nine yards, and a whole bunch of guys in kilts from all over the planet, just let us know, and we will make it happen.

Oh, and by the way, I'll do the wedding for just the pictures, no cost. And I'll travel if you need it.

Rev. Bruce Richard Byers, AKA BroosterB1

[Friday]

Squeaky as you found out the wedding is the bride's day don't do anything to upset her. Take the high road.

[St. John's 104]

An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.