Military Wit and Wisdom

[randal]

The first thing I learned in the Navy as a supervisor: "If your subordinates aren't complaining, you're obviously doing something wrong."

[kiltedwolfman]

I love that on the back of the claymore mine is states " do not eat!" I guess someone somewhere thought that it was packed with M and M's.

[MacMillan of Rathdown]

My first day in Army flight school we were told:

"Take offs are optional, landings are mandatory."

[Chrissss]

For a few years I was in an armoured reconnaissance squadron. In the recce training manual was one line regarding minefields that I've always remembered.

"Minefields are generally discovered when the lead vehicle is destroyed"

Geez...thanks for the tip...

Chris...

[Scully]

The 2 most dangerous things in the military are:
1. a 2nd Lt with a clip board
2. a Capt with a plan

ie.... Sgt Scully I have a plan,
LT get his name

[davedove]

And let's not forget the words one never wants to here from anyone:

Uh oh!!

I also understand Sergeants cringe a bit whenever a private asks: Sergeant, is it supposed to do this?

[Southern Breeze]

Let's not forget the militarys greatest contribution to the English language - SNAFU.

There's also FUBAR and TARFU.
If you don't know what they mean, ask anyone who's served.

[LANCER1562]

Also BOHICA. Again, ask someone who's served for a translation.

[Southern Breeze]

MILITARY FRIENDS vs. CIVILIAN FRIENDS
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when drunk
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will post 360 security so you don't get caught

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs
MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents Drunk and tell them
about the fat chick you tried to pick up

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did
was wrong.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you in jail saying,...we
messed up...but hey, that was fun!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it
back.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Keep your stuff until they PCS.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds *** that left you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "You better drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste.. That's alcohol abuse!!!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore".
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will say "okay just one more" 2 minutes later
"okay just one more".

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will tell you "They'd take a bullet for you."
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will ignore this
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will repost this.

[###KILTEDKIWI###]

You don't trust your mum/wife/girlfriend/any woman to iron your kit because deep down you think that your ironing is better....

couldn't agree more...my wife and mothers ironing is terrible, if i turned out to a muster with their ironing...

You wouldn't dream of polishing a pair of shoes or boots with just one brush. There has to be a separate 'on' and 'off' brushes....

This isnt normal? parade gloss, a putting the nugget on and a polishing brush, a tooth brush for the sole / upper junction and a light material bag to buff out any scratches?

You think nothing of perjuring yourself by lying in court that 'Soldier X is a great bloke with a promising career' despite the fact that he's as guilty as a puppy sitting next to a pile of poo....

uh hum, no, never in the time i have been out have i done this...
That would be Jack tar X...top bloke him...