Jock, have you not realised yet? We are two nations separated by a total lack of tradition, never mind a common language. You and I know perfectly well how to dress because that's what our parents and those before them showed us by their example. If you have ever been to America you will begin to realise that nothing is what it seems to be. French dressing (apologies here to Ancienne Alliance) in America is not a subtle blend of olive oil, wine vinegar and herbs - no - it is a raucous tomatoey concoction like nothing you have ever tasted before. The World Series superbowl isn't actually played in the world, only in America but, what the hell! Our traditions and values are not those found across the pond but instead are those created by a people divorced from their heritage by thousands of miles and hundreds of years at a time when interaction was impossible due to the communications of the age. So when you see the farragoes that purport to represent Scottish culture and tradition you must understand where they are coming from. I used to regularly encounter American tourists in Edinburgh in shorts, flowery shirts, swearing expletives uncontrollably - the whole panoply of execrable dress and behaviour and quietly shake my head in pity. And yet they probably thought they were the greatest thing since sliced bread because everybody in Poughkeepsie dresses like this and for the greatest country in the world, well that must be good enough for everyone else.