Trying not to get angry at co-worker

**meinfs** · 13th February 09, 08:21 AM

Originally Posted by bricekolob

I am really to the point where I want to strangle one of my co-workers. Today, for valentines day, this person brought me a gift bag with pom-poms in it. He said that I could use them when I put my “skirt” on. Even his girlfriend, who was with him at the time, said I could give them to my son and he could cheer for me in his “skirt” (I plan on getting my 3 ½ year old a kilt soon). They think this is so funny, but I am not laughing. There were students present when he gave it to me, so I had to hold back a little bit. I would like to know what you guys would have done in this situation. I have to work with this guy, so I don’t want to make a big deal. However, maybe I should. Let me know what you think!

I think a more direct approach might be more effective. Take him (them) aside and tell them that you do not find their "skirt" comments funny and *ask* that they stop. If you don't object to their jokes about you, they'll think it's okay and will keep doing it. Good luck.

**Nighthawk** · 13th February 09, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by DWFII

If you can't laugh with them, you are setting yourself up for more ridicule. On the other hand, if you can't laugh at yourself, maybe you shouldn't wear a kilt. No criticism there just sayin'...take it easy.

The problem with that is that there some people who just won't stop. You can only laugh with them for so long. I understand that some people will poke a little fun. My best friend in this life is a Native American and he and I give each other a hard time all the time on cultural issues. He'll tell me to quit wearing a skirt and I'll tell him that he should stay away from it because it's a blanket infected with malaria! (Funny aside- when he and I went camping after our high school graduation, I had bought a Coleman white gas stove. I couldn't figure it out. He took it, put it together, looked at me and said "The white man invents it; the indian has to teach him how to use it!"

I've never forgotten that!) But this kind of thing is teasing between brothers, and we know when to to quit and what lines not to cross. Coworkers are a completely different situation. There comes a point where good natured teasing stops being so good natured and starts to get offensive, and can start to effect your state of mind. That's when you have to say "Hey! Enough is enough! It's not funny any more. I laughed along with you, now it's time for you to get the heck over it."

**Larry124** · 13th February 09, 08:23 AM

Or share with him the posts in this topic.

**Nighthawk** · 13th February 09, 08:38 AM

I got it!! I got it!! I got it!! Hold up the little pom poms, look at the guys crotch and say "Your girlfriend finally cut those off of you, did she? You poor thing. But I don't need them- mine are brass and still attached." And hand them back to him!

**Jock Scot** · 13th February 09, 08:41 AM

Their actions do not warrant a reply.

**Spc. Scott** · 13th February 09, 08:56 AM

It is hard to hold your temper when it comes to people like that.

I wish I something more I could suggest that could change the mind of this fellow. I suppose that you could let him know this, that there's no need to interact with you again outside of work related issues.

Less obvious negativity towards you that way and you likely spend less good time and energy thinking anything at all about him.

**mbhandy** · 13th February 09, 09:22 AM

I feel you missed the snappy come back. Now you need to take the bull by the hornes and just tell him you don't appreciate those kind of comments and if he does not stop wou will be forced to make a formal complaint about his comments.

(

MrBill

**Phogfan86** · 13th February 09, 09:35 AM

I'd let it go. The next time might warrant one of my favorites: "Y'know, it wasn't funny last time, and it's even less funny this time."

**gseven1** · 13th February 09, 09:38 AM

Originally Posted by mbhandy

I feel you missed the snappy come back. Now you need to take the bull by the hornes and just tell him you don't appreciate those kind of comments and if he does not stop wou will be forced to make a formal complaint about his comments.

MrBill

I agree with Mr. Bill, especially if this has been an ongoing problem. I don't believe that a person ought to run off to HR when a problem arises, there is more benefit IMO to try and work it out first without having management involved, however, if this person and his girlfriend can't or won't resolve it... then by all means file a harassment complaint with HR.

**TheBlueCow** · 13th February 09, 09:55 AM

I've received a couple skirt comments from this one guy at work, but what your coworker did crossed the line IMO, especially because of the presence and same reaction from his girlfriend (it sounds like harrassment, whereas my co-worker's comments sounded like good natured ribbing)
If this is a first time offense from him, I guess I would probably ignore it for now and wait to see if he keeps doing it. However, if he's made comments about it before and this is an ongoing thing, then the matter needs to be dealt with. I would definitely try to fix it (either by reacting to his antics or talking it out with him) without going to HR/management first, but if he doesn't stop, then I'm afraid that's where the path is heading.