Trying not to get angry at co-worker

**Nighthawk** · 13th February 09, 11:01 AM

Originally Posted by bricekolob

I agree. When my brother-in-law pokes fun, I know that it is just a joke. We get a long really well and he means well. I do believe this has gone beyond just a joke. I think what I will do is wear my kilt more often, just to get him riled up. Once or twice a week. What do you guys think?

One of those lines that my friend and I don't cross- ever- is making fun of each other's children. What kind of worthless coward does that? Seriously!

Next time you wear your kilt, have those poms handy so you can give him his little puff balls back. Tell him he should try to re attach them.

Originally Posted by Leprechaun-91

It never seems to end. Many of these same people would never buy a Muslim co-worker a new "Towel" for her head.

Would they make fun of any other national style of dress to the wearer's face? Why is it we live in a society that sees to think that it is okay to mock another culture?

This situation as described is the very definition of a hostile work environment. HR should have something to say about it.

The fact that it took place in front of your students makes it even worse. If your co-workers can not treat you with respect while in the presence of you students, how can the students be expected to treat you with respect.

I feel that you must demand respect from your co-worker. If they can not deliver, then you must take things to the higher level and file a formal complaint.

No, of course not. Those others are people with cultures. We're white- the only culture we have is the mayonaise on our white bread and turkey breast sandwiches. I was actually told that- that my kilt is not cultural because I'm white. And if you look at it, that's the general attitude of society. We have black this, latino that, but call something white (like a history month) and see what happens.

**TheKiltedCoder** · 13th February 09, 11:04 AM

I'd be seriously thinking about talking to HR as well. Give 'em one stern warning, and log the date and time in a journal or something. That way, when (not if: these types very rarely ever learn on their own) you have to go to HR, you've got documentation.

While I'm thinking about it, you may want to log exactly what was said during the "gift giving" as well. That way, if you do have to take this to HR, you'll have a written record of what was said, and you'll be able to correct any attempts to minimize the offensiveness of what was originally said.

Good Luck,

Brian

**ForresterModern** · 13th February 09, 11:28 AM

I would have promptly either refused them or given them back with the retort that "I do not accept gifts that lack the sincerity of the giver".

**csbdr** · 13th February 09, 12:04 PM

Originally Posted by The Wizard of BC

Bricekolob,

I don't know you or your specific circumstances but you alluded to something in your post that I must speak about.

You said that when this happened "There were students present" at the time. Can I assume you work in an educational institute of some kind?

If so, this is not a joke. It is not gentle ribbing among friends. It is blatant prejudice.

Does your school have a policy of cultural acceptance? Have you ever seen a Dashiki, a Sari, or a Turban at your place of work?

I'm afraid that I would have immediately mentioned to the entire audience that I was filing a complaint with the Human Resources Representative.

I then would have done just that. A full and formal report of Cultural Prejudice. No laughing. No snappy come-backs. No "letting it slide".

To me this is not funny. It is a simple case of prejudice and not to be tolerated or condoned.

We don't need this sort of thing in today's world, and we sure don't want to pass it on to the next generation.

I agree. Prejudice or not, the fact that he did this in front of students undermines your authority and credibility. That is unacceptable and needs to be addressed, and not with jokes. If it had been just the 3 of you, I'd let it pass.

**piperdbh** · 13th February 09, 12:09 PM

The Kilted Coder is exactly right.
If one of your students were causing disruptions (like two of mine were doing this morning), you would document it and "write them up" (like I did this morning), creating a paper trail. If it happened again, you would refer to the previous episode along with the documentation of what happened (like I did this morning). The same principle applies here. Log everything, and then when you've finally had enough, go to your principal/dean/headmaster or whatever your school has and file a formal complaint.

I imagine that your students will also be on your side, and that should make you feel a little better about it. You can also use this event to teach respect and human dignity, which students of ANY age need to hear and learn.

Keep us posted on what happens.

**Cherub** · 13th February 09, 12:11 PM

Originally Posted by Nighthawk

One of those lines that my friend and I don't cross- ever- is making fun of each other's children. What kind of worthless coward does that? Seriously!

Next time you wear your kilt, have those poms handy so you can give him his little puff balls back. Tell him he should try to re attach them.

No, of course not. Those others are people with cultures. We're white- the only culture we have is the mayonaise on our white bread and turkey breast sandwiches. I was actually told that- that my kilt is not cultural because I'm white. And if you look at it, that's the general attitude of society. We have black this, latino that, but call something white (like a history month) and see what happens.

That's kind of what happens when you are a non-visible minority.

I've had to defend my culture to gentles most of my life.

**piperdbh** · 13th February 09, 12:20 PM

Originally Posted by Cherub

I've had to defend my culture to gentles most of my life.

Gentles? You mean Gentiles?

**jpo** · 13th February 09, 02:30 PM

Originally Posted by bricekolob

As I kept thinking about this, I realized that it was the comment about my son that got me a little angry. I don't know why, but it really got me steaming when the two were making fun of him. I think it is so cool that my son comes up to me and says, "Dada, I want a kilt!" I guess that is what made me more upset. I can handle it with me, but not my family.

I was going to say, when he went after your kid that is when things go unacceptable. The jokes about you were simply pathetic, not particularly offensive, but when they go after your kids thats not cool.

I feel like taking him aside and saying something about what he said about your son is the best course of action. It is hard to get to people who think that calling it a skirt is the best thing ever, but pointing out that he was insulting your kid might get through his thick skull.

Good luck, and just remember, when you argue with a fool, passersby can't tell who is the idiot.
jim

**Squeaky McMurdo** · 13th February 09, 02:45 PM

Lol, why don't we just plan that northern Utah kilt night, invite that guy, and poke fun at him for wearing pants?

**Chas** · 13th February 09, 04:17 PM

Here in the UK, sexual harassment and bullying in the workplace are illegal. You and your son were the victims of a premeditated assault. If it were me, I would make a formal, legal complaint to the highest level of management. Maintain the pressure until such time as you receive a full, abject and public apology and promise that there would be no further occurrences to you or anyone else.

I do not believe for a moment that you are the only victim of this idiot's 'wit' - there are others in your workplace who are suffering in silence.

Fact: People do not commit suicide because of the overwhelming things that happen in their lives - it is the small things that push them over the edge. Things like someone laughing at them at work.

If you stop this idiot now, you could be saving someone's life in the future. I am sorry if this sounds too heavy, but I have studied this.

Regards

Chas