How to talk her into it?

[ronstew]

Hands up every man who argued with his wife over the wedding and then had a successful marriage!

The two most important words in a husband's vocabulary: "Yes, dear."

Seriously:

1. Rex is a genius. Rex is smooth. Rex is a smooth genius.
2. Tell her that you want to look your best, but that she will inevitably look better.
3. Ask her to look ahead twenty years to looking back 19 years. Doesn't she want to remember you looking your best on her wedding day?

While I don't buy the "it's her day" argument, in the end, kilts are just clothes, as you say. If you defer to her in this (without negotiation), you may be displaying great character. If you defer to her in everything, I would not call that healthy.

[IRISH]

i've been married for 16 years and not wearing a kilt in my wedding is one of my few regrets in life.

[KiltedBrewer]

If she's worried that you'll take attention from her, reassure her that that is impossible. I was kilted at my wedding and still didn't look half a good as my lovely bride. There's no way that anyone would rather look at me in a kilt than at my wife in her gown!



Seriously, you wouldn't even notice I'm in the picture if I didn't tell you.


David

[Rex_Tremende]

The problem I have with the old chestnut that "it's her day" is that it subtly conveys the hidden message, "Enjoy it while you can, because that's the last time you're going to feel like a princess, Princess." It's right up there with "giving the bride away," as though she were a possession, a hand-me-down.

I think McClef is right that there's been a shift in the way partners see each other and themselves in a marriage these days. Often there are two breadwinners, a well-deserved improvement in the wife's interests, and a far more egalitarian arrangement of power. How you solve and avoid disagreements is probably more important than what you disagree about.

I do like piperdbh's suggestion of wearing one outfit to the ceremony and a second to the reception. You might even suggest that she, too, should look for a second, more festive wedding dress to change into, just for fun.

For what it's worth, I just love this groom's wedding ensemble from what looks to be in other photos a late afternoon or early evening wedding:

Given that KtW has heard our input and is starting to form a game plan, there's probably not much more to add to this discussion, except to wish them both well, wait to hear how the rest of the story goes, and hope for some really wonderful photos.

But I do have one final thought before I bow out of this discussion. If your fiancée is at all concerned that you might possibly distract from her glory on that day, I'm absolutely sure that is not possible.

What a handsome couple you make!

Regards,
Rex.

[Bugbear]

Hope it all turns out well for both of you, and best of wishes.

[raibeart_dubh]

I was kilted at my wedding and still didn't look half a good as my lovely bride.
David

As a guy who recently got married while kilted, I have to agree. You may be dressed in your finest Highland attire, but everyone will be paying attention to the bride as well they should.

I also have to agree with Rex, that is one of the most well crafted statements I have ever had the honor of reading. A smooth and suave gentleman you are Rex!

[Kerr the Walker]

So we entered into negotiations.

I've used a plethora of the advice gained from this thread. I showed her pictures of how smart a kilt with all the trappings can look. I showed her a handfull of tartans I can "claim" affiliation with and let her pick out her favorite. I even went on to the Scotweb site with her and let her pick what "look" she liked best.

Gentlemen, I do believe she has come around.

I'm not declaring victory just yet. My girlfriend's mind has been known to change like the wind. Plan for now is to not press the issue and simply hope that me wearing a kilt remains a viable option in her mind.

Thanks again for all the advice!

[GreenDragon]

So my girlfriend and I have recently begun discussing the topic of a wedding. I haven't proposed yet, but she knows it's coming. I've brought up my plans for being hitched in a kilt and she currently doesn't want anything to do with it. Her argument (which I find weak) is that I wear it all the time already. She thinks this would cheapen my wearing it for our wedding for some reason. I personally think this argument doesn't hold water, but I haven't figured out a polite way to tell her I think it's a load of manure and have just been saying "We'll need to talk about this more later."

Here's my question: How do I convince her that me being kilted for our wedding is a good idea? Idealy and significantly less likely, how do I make it seem like it was her idea so we all end up with smiles?

Thanks in advance.

PRO: It will make your wedding stand out more compared to your friends/relatives/coworkers.

CON: (to her) It will make your wedding stand out more compared to your friends/relatives/coworkers.

[lucienrau]

I hope that she goes along with it. Being kilted at my wedding 8 years ago is still one of my favorite memories, second only to the birth of my daughter. I don't think it would be the same if I were just in a tux. It brought my family together to feel the shared history. And seeing the look on my brother's face when we kilted up was priceless. As an added benefit, dancing in a kilt helps amazingly in getting people up and moving at the reception.

As far as making it more memorable, yeah, but it's also made our wedding the one that all of our friends strive match.

[Mark Keeney]

This one is simple.

Tell her what you will be wearing (kilt, colors etc.) make it look really sharp.
Your clothing choices and responsibilities are forever yours not anyone else's.

Respect her enough to deal with it properly and expect respect in return to let you wear your best.

You are in charge of your image and clothing choices. She needs to marry you not who she thinks you should be.