The flag is normally presented to the next of kin, and each service has its own protocol and different words to be used in the presentation. They can be found here: (probably among other sites)

http://militarysalute.proboards.com/...lay&thread=288

Having done quite a few of these, I've made it a practice to ask the funeral director who is to receive it (if I'm not familiar with the family). That usually works.

Dan