A muscian walks into a bar...

[CDNSushi]

I love music and musician jokes. I think they're hilarious. Please feel free to contribute.

(Everything except the one where a man walks into a bar and pulls a tiny man and a piano out of his pocket... )

Q. What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

A. About $40,0000 a year.


Q. How can you tell the stage is level?

A. The drummer is drooling from BOTH sides of his mouth.


Q. What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?

A. Vibrato (Though you can minimize this difference by holding the chain saw very still).

Once upon a time, there was a blind rabbit and blind snake, both living in the same neighborhood. One beautiful day, the blind rabbit was hopping happily down the path toward his home, when he bumped into someone. Apologizing profusely he explained, "I am blind, and didn't see you there." "Perfectly all right," said the snake, "because I am blind, too, and did not see to step out of your way." A conversation followed, gradually becoming more intimate, and finally the snake said, "This is the best conversation I have had with anyone for a long time. Would you mind if I felt you to see what you are like?" "Why, no," said the rabbit. "Go right ahead." So the snake wrapped himself around the rabbit and shuffled and snuggled his coils, and said, "MMMM! You're soft and warm and fuzzy and cuddly...and those ears! You must be a rabbit." "Why, that's right!" said the rabbit. "May I feel you?" "Go right ahead." said the snake, stretching himself out full length on the path. The rabbit began to stroke the snake's body with his paws, then drew back in disgust. "Yuck!" he said. "You're cold...and slimy... you must be a conductor!"

[chasem]

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?


Homeless

[Ozark Ridge Rider]

Which is bigger, a violin or a viola? Answer: Actually they are the same size, it's just that the violinist's heads are so much bigger.

How do you tune two pipers together? Answer: Shoot one of 'em.

What is the range of a bass trombone? Answer: About 40 yards if you have a good arm.

I could probably find one for any instrument.

[shanetown]

Q: How many guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Four. One to change the bulb, and three to stand next to the stage with their arms folded saying, "I could do that."



Q: What's the difference between a trombone player and dead frog squashed in the middle of the road?

A: The frog was on his way to a gig.

[jgcunningham]

Why was the lead singer standing outside on the porch?

She didn't know when to come in.



What do you do when you find a musician at your front door?

Hand them the money and take the pizza.



What do you call someone who hangs around with a bunch of musicians?

A drummer.

[thescot]

Little boy tells his mother that when he grows up, he wants to be a musician.

His mother says, "Honey, you can't do both."

[thescot]

I remembered a few more from my own gig days:

What do you call a good looking woman out with a bassman?
"Mother."

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.

What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords?
A music critic

Definition of string bending: what guitar players do when they can't find the note.

How do you keep two bagpipers in tune?
Shoot one of them.

What's the difference between a rooster and a trombone player?
The rooster may have a gig next weekend.

[drobin]

I know far too many of these, here are some short ones....

How many sopranos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One- she holds it up and the world revolves around her.

What do vacuum cleaners & electric guitarist have in common?
They both plug in & they both suck.

Whats the difference between an Oboe & an onion?
no one cries when you cut up an oboe.

Whats the difference between the chanter and the drones?
Drones burn longer.

[piperdbh]

What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

How many tenors does it take to change a lightbulb?
4; 1 to hold the bulb and 3 to pull the chair out from under him.

What do trumpet players use for birth control?
Their personalities.

[jgcunningham]

Oops Forgot a variation of one of my earlier postings:

Why was the lead singer standing on the porch?

She couldn't find the key.