What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
It's fun to listen to a fiddle.

How do you get a sax player out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

What do you say to a sax player wearing a suit?
"Will the defendant please rise ..."

Two brass players are in a car. Who's driving?
The police officer.

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.

How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
Take your hand out of the bell and play every third note wrong.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just steal everyone else's light.

What do you with an orchestra member who can't learn to play?
Give him two sticks, seat him in the back and make him a drummer.

What if he still can't play?
Take away one of his sticks and put him in front of the orchestra.

What's an oboe good for?
Setting fire to a bassoon.

Timmy came home one day and said "Mommy, today we did fractions in school and I was the best! Teacher said I had fewer mistakes than anyone else!"

His mother said, "That's because you play the violin, dear."

The next day, Timmy came home and said, "Mommy, today we did spelling in school, and teacher said I spelled better than anyone else!"

His mother said, "That's because you play the violin, dear."

The next day, Timmy came home and said, "Mommy, today we measured ourselves in school and I was the tallest in the whole classroom!"

His mother said, "That's because you're 37 years old, dear."