Some incredibly sad news

[CDNSushi]

I suppose that being a college instructor, (or any kind of teacher for that matter) it's bound to happen eventually, but I was informed today that one of my favorite students, a wonderful young man, commit suicide late last week. This is very difficult for me, as I got to know him quite well and taught him all of last year. He was a very positive person, loved cars, soccer, and martial arts, and unlike most of my students, had a chance to travel abroad to Italy, and had hopes of visiting other countries. He always had a good attitude in my class and kept good grades. He was also one of the few students who would occasionally swing by my office just to chat after school... It's really hard for me to understand right now.

I just can't wrap my head around this because he gave no warning, exhibited no signs of distress or depression... In fact, he came to school that morning, paid his school fees as if nothing were amiss. In the afternoon he drove back to the village where he's from, and a neighbour spotted him climbing up a railway bridge. He called the police but by the time they arrived it was too late. It's just a real shock. I feel like Mike Tyson just slugged me in the head.

For those who aren't aware, Japan has one of the highest suicide rates in the industrialized world, and more than 30,000 people die annually.

Now I just have to try and keep focused and do what I need to do. If I dwell too much on it, I won't be able to complete my obligations. But it's going to be hard.

Jim

[sockknitter]

It's a hard thing to comprehend when a young person you hold in high esteem does something so unpredictable. There's no rhyme or reason. No warning, as you said.

[SoulFyre777]

Keeping you and your student's friends and family in my prayers. God bless.

[Kiltedfirepiper]

I had a paramedic partner do the very same thing a few years back.
he was always cheerful, quick with a joke, in a good mood, "life of the party"
and one day , he didnt show up for shift.

they found him in his car in the desert, a handgun, and a note.......

I dont know if this helps, but I kind of understand what you're going through.
why did he do it? why didnt he talk to me about it? what pushed him to that end?

your post reminded me of an editorial cartoon in Fire Engineering here is a copy of it,


this pretty much sums it up.... you can't always tell those who are thinking about suicide, and unless you see hints there's really nothing you can do about it .

hope you can get through this mostly unscathed, and just keep it in the back of your mind for the next student that might be calling out for help (if you can recognize it)

yours aye

Scott

[Riverkilt]

A sad fact of life in my profession. Sad part is sometimes folks just want to escape the pain or need a vacation.

One of the best recent books about suicide is Night Falls Fast. Might help with understanding.

There's a high rate of suicide in the Rezlands too.

Do talk about it with someone. Helps to process it.

[Lachlan09]

That is very sad indeed, more so being a young person whose life is cut short before it’s begun.

I remember when I lived/worked in Hong Kong in the 1990’s, school students were under immense pressure to succeed from parents and schools. Too often on the TV news, they’d report on yet another Hong Kong teenager who had committed suicide from such pressure. Failure wasn’t an option and it’s so sad to think a 14 or 15 year-old would be driven to it because of school exams. Nothing’s worth that.

Likewise, I still vividly remember a valued colleague and mentor to many, Len Kenny, in my London office in 1987. He was team leader for our company on a prestigious construction project in central London, which had just started on site. He was a tremendously kind and patient guy and was a doer as well as a leader. I had just become part of his team and just before breaking up for Christmas, we went to a meeting together at the architect’s office up the Edgeware Road. I needed information on the metal roofing and glass cladding systems proposed by the architect. The meeting finished about 7.00 in the evening and we wished each other Happy Christmas at the tube station, as we went our separate ways for the break. That was the last time I saw him.

Returning after New Year, we were given the sudden bombshell that Len was dead. Apparently, during the Christmas hols, he had left his family at home, got into his car and drove up to Epping Forest. There, he linked up his exhaust by tube to the car interior. He even remembered to plug the gap in the window and air vents. Then he switched on the engine, closed his eyes to sleep and that was that.

We wracked our brains as to why he had done it. One colleague who was particularly close to him and was Len’s young protégé broke down in tears in the office. One potential reason was that Len kept too much work onto himself and wasn’t so good at delegating. He overloaded himself and was under immense pressure but didn’t shout for more assistance. Also, the project had problems which were putting him under further immense pressure. Afterwards, two project leaders took over full-time, one for tendering/pre-contract and the other for post-contract – both demanding jobs with many problems to overcome. The other reason was that he had great problems with his family and was, underneath, at his wit’s end.

I learned valuable lessons from Len’s death:- 1) If I ever got to a stage where work was so intense that I would contemplate suicide, then I would leave that job. No job’s worth that and 2) I learned to delegate for when I had my own team. You don’t get any medals for bravely trying to do it all yourself and failing.

[BoldHighlander]

Jim,

Please know that you, your students, & this young man's family are in my thoughts & prayers.

Also know that we are here for you.

:: T ::

[Jock Scot]

I wish that I had something wise to say, I am sorry I have not, I am afraid. As Ron so wisely says, find someone to talk to and keep talking for as long as it takes.

[CDNSushi]

Thanks everyone, your kind words do mean a lot. It is truly difficult to sit here and write this without crying. I was given the news today (Monday) even though this happened on Thursday and the staff and student body were told Friday morning. This school year I teach a two locations so I was away until late this morning.

Nevertheless, when I spoke with my supervisor at the college today, he also had to try very hard to hold back his emotions, as he also taught this student, was his class advisor, and was one of the teachers present at his entrance exam interview. We both had fond memories of this particular student.

Because of my situation, I only found out that the funeral was today, in the student's hometown, so I wasn't able to attend. One teacher from the college was sent to represent in an official capacity... Because of this, I will ask if it would be appropriate for me to send his parents a letter of condolence. I would like to express to them how much their son meant and that he left a lasting impression in my life both personally and professionally. Perhaps that's something that they might appreciate -- knowing that his life made a difference and had an impact.

Once again, thank you all for the kind words, wishes and prayers. As for me, I am less concerned about myself than I am about his family, friends and classmates. Much more so than me, please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

Jim

[Galician]

My prayers are with you and his family, and for him as well. While I understand that Japanese culture is far more formal than our own, I think that such a letter would be of comfort to the student's family.