I was handed shorts!

[davidlpope]

On Friday night I went to visit a friend who I haven't seen in over a year.

[Okay, since I'm sure few people on XMarks (He can't accept you AND your kilt? Tell him to shove off! He's no friend!) are going to come at this from "the other guy's" point of view, I'll play a bit of Devil's Advocate here.]

Did this guy have any idea that you were into wearing kilts now? Or was this a complete surprise? I think sometimes we may get "righteously indignant" about others' "intolerance towards kilt-wearing" when we haven't done ourselves any favors in "shaping the battlefield" beforehand.

Like it or not, I find most ordinary people need some sort of point of reference to understand our kilt-wearing.

Here's what I mean by "point of reference":

Some people wear a kilt all the time, so they are "the kilt guy" in the minds of the people they ordinarily come into contact with- "He's okay, he just always wears a kilt, that's his thing, don't know why..."

Some people only wear kilts to Scottish-themed events, so they're "dressing for the occasion".

Some people wear kilts for more formal/special events, "his ancestry is Scottish, so he wears kilts for special days (St. Andrew's, Tartan Day, St. Patrick's) or holidays (Hogmanay, XMas, etc.)."

Without this point of reference, people are naturally left with the (not unreasonable, IMHO) question:
Why does some American, who wasn't born in Scotland, whose parents didn't come from Scotland, who probably has never been to Scotland, decide "all of a sudden" to start dressing like a Scottish Highlander in everyday life?



Maybe your "friend" just wanted to go get a pint of beer with you and hadn't figured on encountering your "moral crisis".

David

[Brian07663NJ]

Sorry David...not giving him that type of "out". Cannot say in one breath - it is admirable that you buck society, live life without worrying what others think and that you think it is great - and then - say I am going to embarass you.

As previously posted - it does not compute. Correct, I doubt guys care what others wear in a bar. In fact, it is fun to see what they ladies say when they see a guy wearing a kilt in a bar.

Who would be mean enough to ask a nun to be naked at a nudist club? I am willing to invite a nun to a nudist club and accept her in her habit if she just goes!

[CMcG]

Sorry David...not giving him that type of "out". Cannot say in one breath - it is admirable that you buck society, live life without worrying what others think and that you think it is great - and then - say I am going to embarass you.

<snip>

First of all, I think it is rude to tell a man to change out of his kilt before going to the bar for a friendly drink.

But I don't see the incompatibility of the acquaintance's opinion. He thinks the OP is brave for wearing it but the acquaintance is not brave enough to even be seen with someone bucking social norms.

[davidlpope]

Sorry David...not giving him that type of "out". Cannot say in one breath - it is admirable that you buck society, live life without worrying what others think and that you think it is great - and then - say I am going to embarass you.

I agree with you on this point. I think your "friend" was probably just telling you what he thought you wanted to hear, instead of what he really thought.

Who would be mean enough to ask a nun to be naked at a nudist club? I am willing to invite a nun to a nudist club and accept her in her habit if she just goes!

Perhaps another way to look at it would be:

Who would be foolish enough to invite a naked male nudist to a convent?

Seriously, though, while I see the analogy that you are wanting to draw, I think we're often too quick to draw inappropriate analogies to the kilt. It's not a Muslim woman's headscarf, it's not a monk's or nun's habit. It's an uncommon, albeit remarkable, piece of clothing, but clothing nonetheless. For most of us who didn't grow up wearing it, though, I understand how it can be viewed by others as a confusing and newfound affectation...

David

[Brian07663NJ]

Sorry - maybe just confusion on my part but anytime I ever complimented someone it is usually because I felt that I wish I were more like them for the reason I complimented them. Yes, he did compliment my kilt in addition to me as a person. So that is what puzzled me.

Above all else - I posted this story to tell the board that I stood my ground to defend my position to wear a kilt in public rather then change to fit in with expectations.

[Lallans]

Well... not knowing the bar in question, I reserve judgement on that part of the issue (there are some I know of where you wouldn't want to wear a Rangers jersey or a Yankees cap for instance), but he could have changed the meal venue if that was the sole reason for concern. So I fear his problem was with the kilt itself and that he was sending you a message, however consciously or unconsciously.

He may suffer from Kilt Derangement Syndrome, a rare but crippling mental disorder.

[Dale Seago]

Truth be told, he was likely scared you would get more play than he.

Makes me think of my very first date, following two years of celibacy, after my divorce. (Yeah, it had hit me pretty hard.) Found this very cute strawberry blonde of Irish extraction on Craigslist who seemed really nice, and after corresponding for a while we met for lunch downtown, and that went well. It was a work day, we were in San Francisco's financial district, and I was in business suit & tie. We then arranged for a casual Sunday afternoon get-together: Just to go to a bar near her place for a drink (we only had one), thence probably somewhere else for a bite to eat, and just get a bit better acquainted in person.

I'd previously told her I wear a kilt about as often as pants, so hadn't felt any need to warn her I was going to show up wearing one. It still really surprised her, and she gushed about how great it was all the way to the bar.

Now, I didn't check around at the bar to assess what people might be thinking. But I can guess at least what was probably going through the guys' minds, as she was all over me before we even finished that one drink.

[cessna152towser]

Well done. No control freak who tries to dictate your style of dress is worthy of your friendship. Good riddance to your former friend.

[Kornkob]

First of all, I think it is rude to tell a man to change out of his kilt before going to the bar for a friendly drink.

But I don't see the incompatibility of the acquaintance's opinion. He thinks the OP is brave for wearing it but the acquaintance is not brave enough to even be seen with someone bucking social norms.

Agreed.

Someone can admire another's attributes while knowing that they could never, or are not now prepared to, emulate or associate themselves with those attributes without being internally inconsistent.

Shedding this friend before trying to understand his motivation seems to indicate you didn't value his friendship very highly. A single point of disagreement, expressed only once, shouldn't have such destructive power.

[Mark E.]

Here's a question...would he have loaned you smallshorts if you said you needed a pair to go with his regular shorts offering? Now THAT would've been the indicator of a true friend...

Makes me think of my very first date, following two years of celibacy, after my divorce. (Yeah, it had hit me pretty hard.) Found this very cute strawberry blonde of Irish extraction on Craigslist who seemed really nice, and after corresponding for a while we met for lunch downtown, and that went well. It was a work day, we were in San Francisco's financial district, and I was in business suit & tie. We then arranged for a casual Sunday afternoon get-together: Just to go to a bar near her place for a drink (we only had one), thence probably somewhere else for a bite to eat, and just get a bit better acquainted in person..

Well, the first time I wore my great kilt in non-kilted company was junior prom-and was by necessity, not by choice. I was requested by a friend (yes, a real friend), to take a female friend of his to the prom, due to the fact she was sans date. This was two days before the event. I had no formal wear, and, given the size of the town, none of the businesses would have been able to fit me, anyway. I warned her, and the group of friends I was going with of the situation...From the pickup to the pre-prom dinner to the dancing and the after festivities drop off...I caught absolutely no grief. Found out a couple of the female instructors couldn't dance, though...

Mark