The Kilt and Anxiety

[artificer]

It might be helpful to ease into public kilting by organizing a kilt night with some other dudes in your area, so all the attention wouldn't be on you and you'd be in a group of similarly-dressed compatriots. Attending your nearest Games will help a lot, too.

Great advice. Knowing you won't be the only kiltie should help with the "getting out the door" anxiety. After you do it a few times, it'll be second nature and you hopefully won't have the issue anymore.

ith:

[Whidbey78]

I've always had a social anxiety problem, then piled PTSD induced hypervigilance on top of it. The strange thing is that concerts and theaters don't bother me as much as malls, fairs and bars. Part of it is that in a theater or at a show most everyone is there for the same reason. In truly public settings where people are "just there" it's different, and I usually find myself skirting the edges of the crowd, stopping in corners, moving along walls, scanning for activity that doesn't fit, watching people's hands, and really sizing up anyone who makes eye contact with me. Plus, I'm just not good at approaching people in crowds and stay pretty quiet unless someone else starts conversation with me. A few hours at a crowded park, a bar, a restaurant, or a crowded grocery store are actually mentally and physically exhausting for me. It's harder than a 10K after three days with no sleep.

In the military I sometimes had to interact with the public at just these types of places, such as airshows, fleetweek, etc. There were random people with random motivations running around doing random things. What I noticed is that being in something as conspicuous as a uniform in these settings actually helped and have found the same thing with the kilt. It's not the confidence that comes from wearing something with a purpose or a connection to something greater--at least not for me. It means that my position among these people is established without saying or doing anything, so it takes a lot of the questions and variables out of the equation. It lets John Q. Public know where I stand immediately, and eliminates any wonder about whether I stand out and more importantly why I stand out. Add to that the people who approach me and start up conversations, ask questions, etc. and I'm usually distracted from all the things that make my blood pressure skyrocket. I have no more or no less confidence when kilted...I just get to think about other things, and they are MUCH less emotionally, mentally and physically draining than the HV stuff I go through when wearing pants in a crowded area. Standing out actually helps more than blending in. It sounds ridiculous, but it works for me.

There are times I opt for pants instead of the kilt, but I usually leave that to times where drawing attention would be a bad thing, such as a wedding or a funeral, unless I was specifically asked to wear it, or they gave me permission when I asked. And I usually do ask if I know them well. I will opt out of the kilt at other times as well, but have found that it isn't because the kilt will make me feel awkward, but because I know the people I'm going with will feel awkward. Even if they're used to being around me in a kilt, they aren't quite used to the attention that gets focused in their general direction(but misses them) or the fact that they tend to fade into the background standing next to me. Making your friends feel invisible can be a worse feeling than feeling the same way yourself, so I try to take that into consideration as well.

[lukeyrobertson]

I appreciate your honesty Cowher. Wearing the kilt does certainly draw attention. I can relate to some of the feeling in your post. I read somewhere that once we acknowledge the emotional response we are feeling and "welcome it", it usually passes in 90 seconds or so. So I've practiced this a bit. Low and behold, it's quite accurate. 90 seconds! Ready, set, go! Kilt up, my friend.

[Zardoz]

I had these sorts of issues as a youngster, though I suppose every kid has some social phobias. I certainly grew out of them! My folks raised me to be an individualist, 'my own man' as they say, and that along with my 'varied' education and life experiences pushed that whole 'worry about what others may think' out of my little mind long before I strapped a kilt on the first time.

Let me say that when I say "individualist" I don't mean “I do as I please at everybody else’s expense,” as some often rebuke around here. I see individualists as folks who recognize and respect the inalienable individual rights of all people, their own and others.

“I will not run anyone’s life—nor let anyone run mine. I will not rule nor be ruled. I will not be a master nor a slave. I will not sacrifice myself to anyone—nor sacrifice anyone to myself.” Ayn Rand

[cruiser348]

I had some anxiety the first few times I was kilted in public as well. One thing I did that I think helped was going a few places where I felt I wouldn't be as noticed in general. My first choice was an art museum figuring the combination of not having a lot of people around and having those present focused on the exhibits might help. From there I just picked events and places that at the time seemed slightly more daring. Though I must admit the first time a young lady otherwise far out of my league gave me a wolf whistle followed by a compliment on my legs and a blunt offer anxiety was a thing of the past.

[wright]

as others have said, find places where you are less out of place. I have long suffered from anxiety issues, and the first place I went kilted was to a local "wild" park. There are few people out hiking to run into, and it was a real confidence booster. Also try going to a Renaissance Faire (you sure won't be the weirdest looking one there!).

[Bill aka Mole]

It sounds like you lack some confidence. You need to convince yourself that you look good and just go out and do it. And if your wife is serious saying that you look good, that is just another voice letting you know that you DO look good.

WARNING: Please finish your food and beverages prior to proceeding. WARNING.
Heck, in the X-Marks gallery is a picture of me in a SportKilt with blue hose and atheletic shoes. I thought that I was the Cats Meow! And the first person who came to try to tell me otherwise was going to catch a knuckle sammich! Now I look at those photos and about have a protein spill by how mis-matched I was. Nothing looked remotely proper. I think that I might have looked better in your French Maid Lingerie Outfit by comparrison. At least it came as a set that was already matched up. Of course, I would need the extra Queen sized hose for that!
You were warned!

[chrisupyonder]

Yes I do sometimes. When we have to go into town to do a big food shop in 2 of the bigish (not very big by city standards) supermarkets.
If the weather is dry and not too windy, no problem but tomorrow we have to shop and the forecast is heavy rain but only 11mph wind.
We usually have lunch as well in a small cafe. Not out in the rain much as my wife is dissabled so we can park in the special places near the doors.
I have chickened out at the last minute and put pants on (never wear jeans) in the past but I am thinking I will go for it kilted tomorrow.
I know the feelings you are having but then whenever I am in town and among the sea of faded blue jeans on both sexes there is always someone that stands out. A guy smartly dressed in a business suit. A guy in shorts last week in the rain. I look at them and think, well ok good for them not wearing the "jeans uniform" and think that if I was kilted they would possibly think I was a bit unusual but then do I really care what anybody else thinks.
Do I bother "really" what other people wear.
The anxiety fades with time the more you wear your kilt.
If I back down and wear pants, I feel miserable all day. Putting on my kilt, hose and tweed jacket DOES make me feel a lot smarter and more important, HAPPY.

We are going on holiday for at least a month this year in July/Aug in our touring caravan and I intend to be kilted all the time and I won't even pack pants/trousers to make sure I don't have a choice

Chris.

[sevenoaks]

You know X-man I went to the Highland Games from Vancouver to Victoria last weekend. My Wee Fine Lass wanted me to wear it on the ferry across there. I was very uncomfortable when we walked to the upper decks of the ferry. However I had nothing but compliments and many people wanted to take my picture...especially the Asian girls. Cute but I did not like the V always wanted to do with there hands. I did meet a girl on the elevator who asked me what Clan that was. I told her the Scott Clan. She was thrilled as she had come from the Borders and had never worn a kilt. We talked a long time and her partner was very much into me wearing a kilt. He was going to buy one when in Victoria. They were very interesting to talk to.
When we got to the upper decks I noticed a lot of people looking at me. That did bother me a bit but my Wee Woman said "don't' let it bother you" I went on my way but had a hard time waking around the restaurant without getting stopped for a picture. That did bother me!
I went up to the 6th deck for a smoke and as I opened the door to go outside. I ran into 3 young guys. Dressed in leather and chains. One guy said "That is way too cool" I did expect that.. Young lathered up and with nose rings and studs in there eye lids! I expected the worsted but those boys had Scottish heritage and one guy wanted to wear a kilt. I told him that the Dutch had a plaid that was designed for the Dutch. They turned out to be great kids and I will correspond with the to help them dress.

I had so many good experiences while I was wearing a Kilt. I would suggest that should you go out walking that you dress your kilt down a bit but should you want to go out with your woman....and she sound like a Keeper
Watch what you wear.. As long as your woman thinks you looks good.. Go for it..I would also suggest that you pay a little attention to the shirt you wear. Do not wear a tattered T shirt to almost any event.... I saw that happening at the Highland Games. They did not look good.
It sounds like your Woman loves you to wear Wear it with Pride X-Man.
Kindest regards
Jim

[Downunder Kilt]

I have just returned from shopping at one of my areas big shopping hubs. One part of that area is a hangout for the down and outs, substance abusers and the like. I had to go to this area to get some items. I was kilted as I usually am and if there is one place you can get abused and hasselled for any reason, this is that area. Today I got, nice kilt, an extremely polite request to tell if I wore "jocks" under my kilt, hey scottie great to see you wearing that thing, hey man where can I get one of those kilts? you look great, and a few other compliments with adjectives that I can't print here.

I find that as long as you look confident and purposeful, people are more interested in complimenting you than hasselling you. The most sniggers I get are from boys of highschool age, that is until any girls they are with, decide that they think it looks sexy, then the boys nod in agreement.

I also find that if someone is intent of giving you grief, a smile, a Gday mate and great to see you, enjoy the rest of the day, leaves them silent and confused.

Most of all I find wearing the kilt for everday things you may do is all to do with how comfortable you are with yourself. No one can teach you to be so, you have to work at it and find what suits you. Cheers