yesterday at work

[The Wizard of BC]

Another thing to keep in mind when handling this is,
DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!
If you e-mail "Mary", cc your supervisor.
If you speak to her, or she speaks to you, write it down, verbatum. then show your notes to your supervisor.

Don't just "keep the boss in the loop". Get him involved. Tell him, "I've offered to talk to 'Mary', she refused. Tell me what to do next"
Get your supervisor to do the talking to Mary. Get your supervisor to talk to her supervisor.

If, as you believe, your kilt is the only reason Mary is being the way she is, then you are the agrieved one here. The pressure and influance she is putting on your expression of your ethnic and cultural heritage IS WRONG! Reverse the role, IT'S STILL WRONG!

The important thing is get your boss ACTIVELY on your side. Do nothing towards Mary. That's his job.
It is also his job to approach and forward your case to the 'chain of command' and the appropriate Human Rights Office at your University. That office is more used to handling Womens cases of harrasment but you have the right to have them involved here too.

Get this out into the open, light of day. Do not sit and stew over it. In todays world there is no place for this behaviour.

[Alan H]

Mary's strong points are points that a lot of university managers love to see. Innovation is not one of them.

Being organized, never missing a meeting, being neat and tidy, documenting everything to the n'th degree...oh yeah. She's not nearly as busy as she advertises she is, I know, I'm in her workspace on semi-regular occasions and it's pretty quiet down there, a lot. However, when she gets a faculty client, she moves heaven and earth for them and they love it. The word gets back to the Department Director and Mary looks good. I'm not saying she doesn't do a good job, because she does, she does a very good job. She never makes trouble, she keeps her head down and her nose to the grindstone and loudly advertises how busy she is and gets praise from the people she helps..

Does she have an issue with ME? Oh yeah. Oohhh, yeah, no question about that. Is the kilt part of that? Yes, but you're right, there's an issue with me, personally. However, everything about the kilt is just the antithesis of Mary. See, "being different" is something she doesn't do well with. Oh yeah. "different" = "wierd" to Mary. "Different" = "being disruptive" to Mary. mary conforms bigtime, and is outstanding at that. In an environemnt where highly competent conformity is rewarded, she's the queen.

Me? I don't coform so good. I do OK, well enough to work in IT out here in California, but I have rather large limits in conformity department.

I won't lose my job over this, so no worries, there. However, it can be turned into just another flash point that makes me look bad, and I'm not happy about it. I do a really good job at Staff support in other areas. For example, one of the Development Project group leaders loves me because I take good care of her group. She calls for help, she gets it. She understands, she used to be tech support before she got into programming. Of course, she's leaving to head up a different group in the libraries, you know? Who's her replacement? ....Mary's supervisor. Oyyyy...

I'm thinking I will give Mary another chance at talking to me directly. I'll propose another get-together with her on neutral ground. I'll be in pants that day. Both invitations are documented in e-mail. If she can't deal with it then I'll forward the invitations to my supervisor and have a chat with him telling him that I've given Mary a chance to express her issues to me directly. If that isn't good enough, then screw 'em. I'm not gonna throw out buzz words like "hostility" and that crap just to manipulate the situation. If the politics and game playing mean that the Director makes my life hell...and she's entirely capable of that, then they can rot for all I care.

A job is a job and I need a job, but it's ONLY A JOB. I do not need to crawl around on my belly at work like a spineless worm, however, and I am hurting NOBODY by wearing a kilt to work one day a week.

OK, rant over. Keep telling me what you think, and I'll keep thinking it over.

[highlander_Daz]

I think Mary see you as a potential rival in the workplace and because of the kilt- I bet everyone knows the guy in the Kilt, and shes feeling a bit overshadowed because normally women get the attention for one reason or another!
you gotta decide what to do you only really have only three options either put up with it and be polite jovial and nice -this will most likely annoy her even more!!!

report her and destroy any chances of a truce

find another job

if i were your boss id bang your heads together and tell you to get on with it!!! might not be the style of management in your workplace

seriously though jaw jaw beter than war war

hope it works out

[Alan H]

Other than the "eclectic" comment, what else has she said to you? Are you sure she has a problem with the kilt? Are you possibly reading into a situation more than you should?

No, the "kilt issue" was brought to my attention by my supervisor, who while he's basically a conservative guy, is a perfectly decent person and has some outstanding traits as a manager.

[macwilkin]

Alan,

Mary sounds just like my old boss at the other library I worked for -- this lady was not necessarily "hip" with the latest fashion trends, but very much a perfectionist workaholic who was loved by higher ups (save the library director) for her attentiveness to detail and the fact that she documented everything. She was also a very judgemental and self-righteous person, and we butted heads not too long after I started working there. After about six months, I finally had enough, and when my current job came open, I applied for it and got it (obviously) and left. However, before I left, I showed the director all of my own documentation in the exit interview and presented my side of the story.

I can't stress this enough: document, document and document -- just what I tell my students on a paper.

I do agree that you should not haul down your colours if you have been in constant communication with your supervisor and have been keeping him in the loop -- someone else suggested that you ask him what to do next -- good advice. That way, your boss sees that you are not going off half-cocked, but attempting to work within channels to rectify the situation.

Good luck -- you're in a bit of a "sticky wicket", but it sounds like you've a level head.

Regards,

Todd

[Buddha]

Maybe she is attracted to you and is looking for a reason not to be...

take her to a bar, get her lit and then the truth will come out...

but that may not help your job situation, and I'm a little off most of the time, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

[Alan H]

Alan,

Mary sounds just like my old boss at the other library I worked for -- this lady was not necessarily "hip" with the latest fashion trends, but very much a perfectionist workaholic who was loved by higher ups (save the library director) for her attentiveness to detail and the fact that she documented everything.

I can't stress this enough: document, document and document -- just what I tell my students on a paper.

Good luck -- you're in a bit of a "sticky wicket", but it sounds like you've a level head.

Regards,

Todd

Now here's a rarity...someone with a level head actually telling me that I have a level head! LOLOL!

Thanks, Todd.

About documentation: In this case and these sorts of things documentation is good. I'm keeping an official e-mail trail you know? I'll document phone calls, too.

In a whole, whole lot of cases...regarding "documentation". When I started in this job four-plus years ago I inherited a filing cabinet full of "documentation". It's now four and a half years later and I have not once, not ONE TIME in those years opened that filing cabinet. When I think of the work that went into copying all that paper to utterly NO purpose, it gives me the willies.

I'm in charge of "inventory" which basically means keeping track of a bazillion little numbers. That's anal-retentive enough. I'll be damned if I'm going to spend my life filling up a filing cabinet with paper that will sit unopened for a decade until it's finally thrown out.

My, but this has turned into a general rant, hasn't it?

buddha, you're a font of...of...of...uh.. um...Wisdom, yeah, that's it! Wisdom. *cough*

Well, she IS good-looking if you like the well-put-together type..

[Rigged]

Take her boss out to lunch.

[KiltedBishop]

I wasn't suggesting manipulating anything. But the fact remains you deserve to work somewhere where you at the very least can be treated with diginity and respect, and the fact is from what you said, you aren't getting that. That is my whole point. That's bull#$*!. You're both adults, you tried to act like one. everyone has people at work they don't like for one reason or another, but part of being an adult is realizing it's a job, you get paid to be there, treat the other person with respect and diginity, do your job and go home. If you don't get respect and diginity back that is a problem that needs adressing.

[Doc Hudson]

In the Air Farce, we used to call documentation CYA, i.e. Cover Your ***.

If the previous person's documentation in no longer needed, and since 4 1/2 years have passed since he left, I'd say they are unneeded. Clear the file cabinet and start your own documentation file.

I understand you getting mad. I can understand you don't want to sound like a crybaby or a prima donna.

There is nothing crybabyish or prima donnaish about keeping records of your interaction with a person who apparently has it out for you. Neither is discussing the matter with your boss.

And remember, no one's job is as safe as they think it is. If you want to keep the job you have, and want to prevent bad reports from injuring your job ratings, you definitely need to CYA!

Do as you please, it is your job, and your life. But all of us have given you pretty much the same advise.

Good Luck.