A Kilted Community? Time to put up or shut up!

[Shay]

Alan H, I totally understand where you're coming from in this, I too have been scammed by people in 'trouble,' once on livejournal from someone who needed to keep an apartment (he actually lived with his parents), and once on a parenting board- she recieved over $200 for her child's medicine, much of it from poor single moms trying to help one of their own. We later found out she had done this on multiple boards and didn't even have a daughter.

I have also given money to people in trouble and seen the good it did, or sent things like baby clothes/maternity wear to people who became lifelong penpals. I recently went to New York to visit someone I had lent money to, never really expecting any back, who surprised me by paying it back with non-monetary interest- an invitation to camp on her land. I usually try to send things, rather than money, that I would have donated to charity anyway. Perhaps this is something you may be interested in doing in the future if you do feel moved to contribute to someone- all you're out is postage.

It's a decision people have to make on their own. I hope no one flames you for presenting the sad truth, but things like these do happen, and if you open your wallet or give anything to someone else based on what they present to you, there is always a chance it's a scam, even with charities or churches or other people with their hand out. I don't think Dread has his hand out in this case, we're just doing this on our own for one of our own. I thank you for reminding people that the online world, warm and comforting though it may be to us, does have it's dark spots.

[Dreadbelly]

Technically, I never asked for anything but prayer.

I have avoided this thread up to this point. Because frankly, I am uncomfortable about this whole thing for the very reasons that Alan has stated. I too, got burned trying to help somebody one time online. I didn't have much of anything, but I sent what little I could scrape together to help a fellow RA sufferer in an old RA support community I used to hang out on online. I won't talk about the situation, but we found out later that we had all been burned. I scraped half of the weeks grocery money together, about about 20 dollars, and sent it off. Drop in the bucket? Yeah. But I wanted to help. I learned a very hard lesson on that issue. Which is why I asked for nothing more than prayer during this time. I want nothing to do with anybody losing their faith in humanity.

I just thought I would say just this one thing. I am really very hesitant about this whole thing and still not sure what to make of it.

I really don't know what else to say.

[Alan H]

Technically, I never asked for anything but prayer.

I have avoided this thread up to this point. Because frankly, I am uncomfortable about this whole thing for the very reasons that Alan has stated. .......

I just thought I would say just this one thing. I am really very hesitant about this whole thing and still not sure what to make of it.

I really don't know what else to say.

Dread, please, PLEASE understand that this is in no way,whatsoever personally directed at you. No way, not a chance. The situation sounds awful. I've had to deal with Federal Red Tape Wonks too, and it's just freaking impossible.

you have every crossed finger I can cross, X-Marked for you. I've dialed upstairs to the God I pray for saying "keep an eye out for Dread, willya?"

I'm pulling for you. Hang it there, Mate.

[Dreadbelly]

What I really want more than anything, even more than prayer, is another strong capable human being to be with me should I go down to the Social Security office. Heck, probably two human beings. Maybe more.

Not for support... Not for companionship. Not for comfort. But somebody that would be physically capable of removing my hands from around somebody's neck should I go berserk.

I hate waiting. I wish I knew what was about to happen.

[Alan H]

Alan H, I totally understand where you're coming from in this, I too have been scammed by people in 'trouble,' ......

I have also given money to people in trouble and seen the good it did, or sent things like baby clothes/maternity wear to people who became lifelong penpals......

It's a decision people have to make on their own. I hope no one flames you for presenting the sad truth, but things like these do happen,.........I thank you for reminding people that the online world, warm and comforting though it may be to us, does have it's dark spots.

Thanks, Shay. Inn all of those cases I don't really care about the money, though kissing $500 away kind of hurt. It was the gross abuse of trust that hurt the worst. Honestly, the one that still stops me cold is the one where I made a quilt square for someone in trouble, and the woman who collected all the square made the quilt and then instead of sending it to the person who was supposed to get it...sold it on ebay.. On EBAY....and kept the money. The fact that I met several of them face-to-face, both before and after helping them out, actually makes it harder. Maybe I've just been really unlucky. I'd really like to think that.

I'm glad to hear that you have had good experiences with helping out, online, Shay. I'm glad that someone has, and truth is the guy we flew over from Australia lived a year longer than he probably would have, if he'd been stuck in Oz.

BTW, my wife and I have given money to the Red Cross for Katrina victims, and we donate regularly every years to a number of charities. We happen to be keen on environmental organizations like the Nature Consdrvancy and the World Wildlife Fund, but we also give to Amnesty International, Second Harvest and a local hunger project. I've refurbed PC's for a local work-skills training outfit, and gotten MS operating system CD's and MS Office Suite CD's donated to the group. So I'm not heartless.

[Mike1]

Alan and Shay, I appreciate your candor. After the reactions my disclaimer aroused, it took a bit of fortitude to step up and be this honest. The examples you cited are just one of the reasons that forum members need to be clear on how this charity for Dread has been set up and who is and is not responsible for setting it up.

Neither of you are the only ones that have been "once bitten, twice shy". Reading something online does not always make it true, does it?

Now, before the crusaders swoop in here to cry "foul" at me a second time, let me be perfectly clear that I am not suggesting that Dread's situation is not real. Nor am I suggesting that anyone should not help him in an hour of need.

[LordDamax]

I dont blame you at all Alan... it was one of my first thoughts as well. I guess part of the belief for me is who the person is. For Dread to be fabricating all of this, he's gotta have a good career at it. He's been here a year with over 1400 posts, he's pissed people off to the point of almost being booted from the site, and his story is nothing new here... of course he could be investing a TON of time to make a few bucks from suckers like us... but... I just dont get the feeling thats the case from someone so involved in the community for so long.

I dunno. Just my 2 cents.

[usndoc]

This is not a flame of Alan at all.

I understand where you are coming from. But, I must say that I have seen even more dishonesty from people in person. We had a contractor skip out on us during a construction project recently. He looked us in the eye and said that he would complete the project before my sisters 1 year anniversary was up in May of this year. We fed this guy, he slept in our house. We trusted him. In the end, he took advantage of us.

On the other side I have met many good, trusted friends online. Some of them are people that I have eventually met in person. A lot of it has to do with where you hang out online. What kind of common bond that the group has, and the amount of time you have been together.

On a positive note, I met my fiance online. We have been together for over 2 years now. We are planning the wedding now and hopefully by this time next year she will be my wife.

Back to Dread, he has written a lot of stuff in the short time that I have been a member here. I have also read from his personal site in the past. I enjoy what he has written on many levels. One of which is as a philisophical one. For that, I feel that I owe him a little in return even if it only serves to make me feel better about myself.

Doc