Bless me father, for I have sinned.

[Rigged]

Streetcar - In your situation, I'd have probably done the same thing. Your parents' comfort was more important than yours at that time.

Frank - In your situation, I'd wear the kilt. Ignore the idiot, or school him as necessity dictates.

[Rex_Tremende]

If I recall from my reading of one of Miss Manners’ books on etiquette, the general rule of thumb is that it’s a host’s job to make her guests comfortable, and it’s the guest’s job to do nothing to offend the host deliberately. While you are still your parents’ child, having fled the nest, you are now their guest when in their home. I think you made the right choice by leaving the kilt home.

On the other hand, how would you have known that pining for your kilt in your out-loud voice would have yielded such a cruel rebuke from your mother? I imagine that you saw it as an opportunity to probe whether her smiling and curiosity over the photos in your home was a sign of acceptance. Denying that you had even been there at all to honor your father on his birthday seems particularly harsh to me, especially over wardrobe matters. A gracious host might have offered to lower the temperature on the AC or to take you shopping for a pair of breezy Bermuda shorts, sidestepping an uncomfortable moment.

Without knowing your situation, it would be hard to say whether the kilt is a proxy for other concerns that your parents have for you. Even as adults, most of us still desire and seek approval from our parents, but tensions arise when we make choices that challenge their worldview. I know many people who choose not to discuss their differences with their elderly parents; they are content to know that they love each other, even though they don’t agree on everything.

Regards,
Rex in Cincinnati

[NewKilt]

Well Here is a question for the kilted. I have been invited to my a wedding reception for my son and his new bride. It is on the day of a highland festival closer to his home that mine. I will be kilted at the festival, but should I go to the reception Kilted? It will be out doors and I will be going back to the Highland games after the reception. The biggest problem will be that my son's mother will be there with her redneck tickturd husband. Do I change for the reception, or go as is. I have two weeks to decide. Oh by the way, the Highland Games will be in Urbana Maryland, just south of Frederick, in County Frederick, Maryland.

Frank

between a rock and an idiot

Since this day is about your son and his bride, I would ask them. Just my opinion.

Darrell

[Panache]

Frank,

The real question is this:

What would your son and new daughter in law like you to wear?

It's their day. Make them happy and forget about the rest.

Cheers

[A Hay]

I agree with NewKilt and Panache. Ask the new daughter what she thinks. It's her big day. There will be plenty of other times to deal with the father of the bride.

There are many, many letters to Dear Abby and others that show where a little thing like this on a wedding day starts off a new marriage under strain.

Could also put your son under pressure if he has to decide wether to support you or his bride. IMHO he should support her. Been in that sticky position once or twice.

[ronstew]

Frank, how would you like your relationship with your daughter-in-law to be? Picking a fight with her %#^$ for brains father is unlikely to acheive what you want.

[Rob Wright]

Sometimes it isn't the right the to do to wear the kilt, my father often requests that I don't when I do things with my parents, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, it depends on the situation.

One time that I did wear the kilt when my father asked me not to was last Christmas Eve. My grandfather had just passed away and my grandmother was staying with my folks for a while. The whole family was goingt to the candlelight service.

My grandmother had never seen me wear the kilt and it's through her that I have the Douglas connection, so I dressed up in the Douglas ancient, charcoal jacket, dress sporran, real nice looking.

My grandmother was speechless, she had never seen any of the Douglas tartans, and she was amazed at the usual round of comments, and some of the college girls back visiting thier folks over the holidaywere awestruck.

So just like anything else, it's what you decide is best for the situation.

Rob

[Southern Breeze]

I would have done the same. Time spent with ones family is more important.

[Caradoc]

I would have done the same. Time spent with ones family is more important.

Again, I'd have to say "not necessarily," for the same reasons I've mentioned before.

If the request is coming from a level of discomfort via unfamiliarity, sure. If it's a "real men don't wear such garments," no, I wouldn't have conceded to the request myself.

For the wedding question, ask the bride and groom. Do NOT ask their parents.

[arrogcow]

Ask your son and his bride to be. If they don't care the wear it. Who cares about your ex and her new husband.

Adam