Request to wear kilt at funeral - but I don't want to!

[Dale Seago]

I'd say respect HER wishes for what SHE would like the event to be, and honor your friend by honoring her.

[GMan]

I am sorry to hear about this. I have worn a Kilt to a funeral at the request of the family and did so with the same feelings that you expressed. Yet after the services people came up to me and stated that they were glad I did.

Tough call, and I am sure you will do what is best.

[Harold Cannon]

I am sorry for the loss of your friend Tobus. It always hurts to see a friend or loved one pass on.

As a Chaplain, who has had to do a funeral or two, I can say that funerals really and truely are for the living. It is a time to bring back happy memories of the departed for the family. I personally have had to omit department policy, change my style of service, and the manner in which I perform burials at the bequest of the family. THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM AT ALL! The family see this as a way of honoring their lost loved one and I am sure with tye dye and other bright colors you won't stand out a whole lot. If this is what the wife would like then let her have it. She is hurting so badly and I am sure it would make her heart smile to see you decked out in your kilt.

The decision of course is still yours but just remember she did ask you to.

[creagdhubh]

Tobus,

I apologise, but I wanted to give you a visual example of what I wore to my step-father's funeral just last week. I am not wearing Highland dress, but as a former active-duty U.S. Marine and receiving a request by my mother and my step-father's family, I did wear a USMC regimental necktie, my medals, and my parachutist wings. After a bit of slight hesitation, I thought this was indeed appropriate due to the fact my step-father was a U.S. Marine and that many Marines to include the 'Patriot Riders' (Guard) were present at both the visitation and the funeral ceremony.

By no way am I attempting to monopolise my personal tragedy within your thread by posting several of my photos. I just feel an almost, downright eerie connection to what you may be going through. I am still coping and grieving with my step-father's passing everyday, as well as diligently supporting my mother from a far (my entire immediate family lives in Saint Louis, Missouri), who unexpectedly lost her best friend, soulmate, and the love of her life.

Anyways, wear what you would like to the funeral! What you would feel most comfortable and appropriate in, but just keep in mind the request made by your friend's wife. It seems like this is what she wants.

Me at my step-father's visitation on April 26, 2012.


The Marines presenting my step-father's American flag to my mother at Jefferson Barracks, National Cemetary.


My step-father, my mentor, and one of my heroes...James L. Boyer. Photo taken in 1969 just after his combat tour in Vietnam.


Take care mate,

[CameronCat]

The problem is, I really don't want to. I just think it would be weird in this context. In my small rural Texas town, it would automatically make me the center of attention, and I don't think that's appropriate.

Asked and answered; trust yourself!
Wear a nice shirt and slacks, with a screamer of a colorful tie.
She's happy, you're happy. Case closed.

[Zardoz]

I'd say respect HER wishes for what SHE would like the event to be, and honor your friend by honoring her.

*** on Dale's thinking.

[auld argonian]

I am heartened by your sensitivity to the situation...you are being appropriate and thoughtful. Considering the situation, I'm sure that your not wearing the kilt will be the least of the lady's problems and you will surely be forgiven. One of the greatest compliments we can pay a person here in Chicago is to say, "He's a decent guy." You are certainly being a decent guy here.

Best

AA

[Peter Crowe]

A difficult decision Tobus but, on balance, I would wear the kilt. Her request at such a time as this should take precedence over what we would normally want to do, IMHO.

Sorry to read of your loss, but on balance I agree with MacRobert's Reply above. However, I totally get where you are coming from.

[JSFMACLJR]

Opinions seem to be evenly split here, Tobus. If it were me, I would skip the kilt and not worry about it. Sure the widow asked you, but I bet she won't even remember asking you in a day or two. I'm not being callous: I just remember how things were when my father died. If she says anything, just say it was at the cleaners, but you'll come to call as soon as things quieten down, in the kilt.

But do wear something colourful!

And please know I am very sorry for the death of your friend.

[islandkilt]

deepest condolences for your loss, I wish you and yours all the strength to deal with it and support one another through such sorrowful times..

my thought, rather bluntly I'm afraid... the decision to wear a kilt I think would be to respect the wishes of your friend's wife, and I expect your friend too - I can't imagine they've never discussed such things... your reasons for declining her request seem more about your concerns for yourself... that said, if she's expecting that you show up in a traditional state as equivilent to or fitting in with tie dye and pastels and hawaiian prints... that's a bit off too.. it sounds like a nice loud McCloud with a Grateful Dead tie-dye would be perfect...

of course you need to be comfortable with yourself in your mourning, so it comes down to that too..

friends are friends because they understand... she will...