Denied

[Kiltedfirepiper]

I've been involved with a few weddings (grooms man and best man), tux, beach style, kilted ( that was my only request to my bride....."I dont care what we do ....as long as I get to wear my kilt)

to the beach style wedding, I wore a sarong after the pics were taken, at first the bride and groom said " oh my god" then they laughed and had a blast with it

for the tux wedding I was asked to "leave the kilt at home" as the brides parents were........shall we say......not open to things....outside the norm. ( I had to do 3 revisions on my best man speech there was STILL content that THEY couldn't understand, or appricieate while everyone else lost it laughing)


dont ask if you can wear the kilt....ask what kind of dress is allowed after the monkey suit can be taken off.

"hey BTW are we going to be changing into something else after the ceremony?

ok what would be acceptable?

(if response is "oh I dont know " )

well I thought I might wear my kilt if thats ok?
or even MORE subtle (sp)

bring 2 outfits, one a blase` outfit and the other the kilt...let them choose for you

tis easier to corerce to get your way than to smack them up side the head!

[KiltedCanuk]

I have always supported the thought that so long as your dressed up to the occation in your kilt (read: left the "lounge around the house" kilt at home), you were in full compliance with any dress code.

Granted, I also believe any occation which requires a suit and nothing but, is nothing but a mid year "Halloween" party for a trailer park. (as the saying goes around here)

From me personal experiance...
Last August I was the best man at me best mates wedding, his mother was horrified at the thought that I would be dressed in a Kilt, when everyone else would be in western cut suits and ties...

He told his mother she had a few options;
She could ban the kilt, and I could stand at his side naked...
She could ban the kilt, and he would pospone the wedding untill the ban was lifted...
Or she could enjoy the wedding and whine to herself in the mirror after the fact. (his words, and not me first choice if I was in his shoes)

His wife had no issues because I am kilted full time and to wear a formal suit when a formal kilt is already in me closet made about as much sence as "wiping before you s**t"

I wasn't worried about drawing attention away from the bride or groom since anyone looking at me obviously didn't come for the wedding. This would have been absolutely no different a situation had I been of any other nationality who's traditional/religious/national formal attire was "abstract" in the presence of western cut suits.


(Note: By western cut I mean Cowboy)

[Phil]

Wedding invitations here don't usually specify a dress code and guests are just expected to appear respectably dressed (like no trainers, jeans, baseball caps). I can't see why wearing normal day-wear (kilt, tweed jacket, shirt and tie) would upstage a bride.

[Bugbear]

Hmmm, I can't help but get the feeling that tuxedos are being used as daywear in weddings... I thought the groomsmen are traditionally supposed to wear strolers and the groom a cutaway coat with striped trousers for a formal day time wedding.

[Jock Scot]

Wedding invitations here don't usually specify a dress code and guests are just expected to appear respectably dressed (like no trainers, jeans, baseball caps). I can't see why wearing normal day-wear (kilt, tweed jacket, shirt and tie) would upstage a bride.

Absolutely smack on the nail, there Phil.

[thanmuwa]

I agree with MacMillan, asking would put them in a position where whoever you asked could resent you for any answer they give. Therefore I would also say don't ask ( I would also say the same goes for guests you want to bring, if they haven't been invited, don't ask if they can be!)
It is already a difficult enough job planning a wedding without having to worry about what other people want to wear and whether it will fit in, and if the bride is like most of the brides I have known (only one of whom was mine I hasten to add ), there would be sleepless nights involved.

As far as "checking with the bride" is concerned, technically she isn't the host-- the hosts are her parents, who are paying for the wedding. They issue the invitations and they (obviously in consultation with the bride) set the dress code.

It is much less common for the bride's parents to host (or pay for) a wedding these days, at least this side of the pond, it is often the happy couple themselves. Even traditionally there were situations were the bride's parents couldn't or didn't host the wedding (it may have been an uncle, a clan chief, a guardian, etc.). Your source of information is the invitation itself. It should be clear from that who was hosting the wedding (It will be something like "Fred and Wilma Flintstone cordially invite you to the wedding of Mr Groom and Miss Bride"). So it should be clear from that who you shouldn't ask .

[MacMillan of Rathdown]

Wedding invitations here don't usually specify a dress code and guests are just expected to appear respectably dressed (like no trainers, jeans, baseball caps). I can't see why wearing normal day-wear (kilt, tweed jacket, shirt and tie) would upstage a bride.

I agree with Phil and Jock Scot-- such attire wouldn't upstage the bride. In Scotland. But, if the invitation is to a wedding in say, Provo, Utah, well then the kilt just might call undo attention to itself.

In North America the time of the wedding specifies the attire expected of guests, even if it is not spelled out on the invitation. Unless otherwise stated, gentlemen should dress as follows:

Mid-morning = navy blazer or suit;

Mid-afternoon = suit;

Evening = unless otherwise specified, a dark suit.

Each of these modes of dress has it's kilted equivalent, and if one insists on attending a wedding in the kilt, then one should follow these guidelines and dress as conservatively as possible.

One of the social conventions concerning weddings is that gentlemen are expected to wear white shirts to attest to the chastity of the bride. It is from this custom that the phrase "little white lie" is believed to have come from.

[Phil]

One of the social conventions concerning weddings is that gentlemen are expected to wear white shirts to attest to the chastity of the bride. It is from this custom that the phrase "little white lie" is believed to have come from.

That's a new one on me. Certainly it was considered a trifle hypocritical of the bride to wear white if the wedding was of the "shotgun" variety or second time around but nowadays things are more relaxed. I was at a wedding not so long ago where the bride wore white despite being her second marriage. She had always regretted that she couldn't wear white the first time (due to the hurried nature of things) and no-one thought the worse of her having her wish this time.

[Panache]

It seems to me that a difference between our friends in the British Isles and we over here in the United States of America is that the teaching of the conventions of dress for various social occasions have fallen by the wayside. Making matters more difficult is the fact that most invitations to events more often than not do not specify dress.

Americans seem to have a great tendency toward informality so perhaps organizers fear to alienate people by making things "too stuffy".

I applaud all those who post questions here on XMTS for asking questions, doing their homework, and trying to do the right thing and present themselves in a proper fashion at such events.

Cheers

Jamie

[Panache]

We seem to be straying pretty far from Minnow's original topic.

Since this issue comes up fairly often I thought i would start a new thread where our experts could outline the guidelines of kilted attire for a guest at a wedding here:

http://www.xmarksthescot.com/forum/k....html?p=677904


Cheers

Jamie