Kilt Etiquette

[PiobBear]

What is the etiquette for a wearing a kilt to such events as weddings, funerals, graduations, etc.? Is it customary to ask the host, bride or groom? Do you just "show up as is"?

Is there certain attire to wear to a funeral or wedding such as a jacket or tie along with the kilt?

I ask these questions because my wife asked if I would be wearing my kilt to the funeral. I opted not to so as not to create any bad situation or mis understanding with the family.

As a piper, I attend dozens of events all through the year kilted. I suggest:

WEDDINGS: Ask the bride; it's her big day. Don't bother asking the groom; he lost control a long time ago. Generally it'll be a non-issue unless you're a member of the immediate wedding party, as long as you're properly dressed for the occasion. Kilted or not, don't attend a big three-ring horse-and-pony show wedding in the big cathedral downtown dressed for an informal luau-style beach wedding.

FUNERALS: At a minimum, a decent shirt, tie, & brogues, kilted or trousered. A jacket's even better. There's nothing inherently wrong with wearing a proper kilt, properly accessorized. IMHO Utilikilts and their ilk are simply not appropriate for such situations; they're more like the kilted equivalent of blue jeans. Neither wear a waistcoat, Prince Charlie & bow tie unless you really expect others to show up in tuxedos and ballgowns.
Aside from twits who can't remember to silence their cell phones (invariably, at every single event I pipe, at least one goes off at the least appropriate moment), this is one of my all-time greatest pet peeves; folks who slouch up to "pay their respects" looking like they've just gotten out of bed and are now on their way to change the oil on a tractor. It's truly beyond my comprehension.

GRADUATIONS: Same as funerals.

DINNERS, ETC: Generally, the dress will be stated on the invitation. When in doubt, ask the host. Again, there's nothing inherently wrong with wearing a proper kilt, properly accessorized, but showing up in a Utilikilt-type garment with a Guinness T-shirt when the invitation clearly stated "jacket & tie requested" displays a shocking degree of disrespect (to the point of outright contempt) for the host. If such social conventions impinge upon your sense of personal freedom and self-determination, then don't attend.

Within reason, when in doubt you're usually going to do better by overdressing just a wee bit. If all the other gents in attendance are in polo shirts and shirt sleeves, you can always loose the coat and tie; if they're all in coats and ties and you show up in a polo shirt, there's really not much you can do at that point.

Just curious if there are ever any events where it is NOT ok to wear a kilt or some fashion there of....

Bungee jumping comes to mind, but to each their own...

[JolyStNicholas]

I agree with Rex and Phil 100 %. Men should choose and dress accordingly!

[Jock Scot]

I have just been watching on TV the memorial service in Aberdeen of the 16 men killed in a tragic helicopter crash out in the North Sea a fortnight ago. The Duke and Duchess of Rothsay were amongst those attending the service. The Duke was wearing the kilt, dark grey "day jacket" and waistcoat, white shirt,black tie, brown sporran, black shoes(not ghillies) I could not see the colour of the hose clearly, lovat green I think, but one thing for certain they were not white. His attire is entirely appropriate for this solemn occasion.

[JSFMACLJR]

I have just been watching on TV the memorial service in Aberdeen of the 16 men killed in a tragic helicopter crash out in the North Sea a fortnight ago. The Duke and Duchess of Rothsay were amongst those attending the service. The Duke was wearing the kilt, dark grey "day jacket" and waistcoat, white shirt,black tie, brown sporran, black shoes(not ghillies) I could not see the colour of the hose clearly, lovat green I think, but one thing for certain they were not white. His attire is entirely appropriate for this solemn occasion.

Here is a pic of the Duke and Duchess of Rothesay at the memorial service:

[campbell]

My family is poor and we cannot afford kilt jackets. We wear Campbell tartan (which most people call Black Watch) to funerals. Wear your clan tartan or the tartan you usually dress up in (Royal Stewart, or Irish National, etc.). In winter we wear:
-v-neck sweater
-white shirt
-solid black tie (www.solidcolorneckties.com)
-black leather sporran or brown leather sporran
-kilt
-hose (any color)
-black flashes
-brogues (wing tip shoes)

In summer we wear a v-neck sweater vest, or shirt and tie.

For funerals, I was taught that you wear your normal day wear kilt with a black tie and black flashes.

As far as weddings is concerned, the kilt is only worn when the grrom is kilted. If the groom is not wearing a kilt, you should wear a suit to the wedding.

[Kerr the Walker]

As far as weddings is concerned, the kilt is only worn when the grrom is kilted. If the groom is not wearing a kilt, you should wear a suit to the wedding.

Not sure I quite agree with this one. As long as one's attire is of the appropriate level of formality for the event, it shouldn't matter a lick what's between his belt and his shoes.

[McClef]

As far as weddings is concerned, the kilt is only worn when the grrom is kilted. If the groom is not wearing a kilt, you should wear a suit to the wedding.

Is that according to Emily Post?

Seriously though many full time or nearly full time kilt wearers do not have a suit and some don't even have trousers.

Certainly it's polite to ask the couple who are being married if they mind. I am attending a wedding in June where the Groom is not going to be kilted and they are both fine about me being kilted.

[puffer]

To start with, I wear a kilt as my primary attire. So therefore I wear it as I would wear P^&*TED Attire. ( simply substitute the appropriate kilt for the P&^%Ts

1. Wedding = ) what ever the style of wedding dictates. ( Casual to formal)
( unless part of the wedding Party my "formal attire" would be a Crail Jacket & vest etc)

2. Funeral =
a. If a memorial then my attire is dictated by the setting ( a celebration of the person's life, to a somber "wake".
b. If a Full funeral, again my attire is dictated by the setting, But I would opt for a darker, subdued look. Relaxed look = Charcoal Grey or navy Tweed jacket & vest. Same colored hose & flashes, & my BW or my Black Douglas kilt.) More "formal look" = Charcoal Grey Crail jacket & vest, one of my more "somber" Black/Grey kilts, Charcoal or Black hose & Black flashes.

Puffer

[Bugbear]

To start with, I wear a kilt as my primary attire. So therefore I wear it as I would wear P^&*TED Attire. ( simply substitute the appropriate kilt for the P&^%Ts...

At this point, I would most likely not wear a kilt for any of these times. Perhaps I would if it were requested that I wear a kilt, which could happen, but the kilt is not "primary attire" for me. I have three good suits, and one of those would do just fine, without any worry or trouble, at any of those events.

On the other hand, I would not throw a fit if someone does show up in Highland attire.

[campbell]

Here is a photo of some Andersons at a funeral. Black tie and black flashes.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/trudem/2123064139/

As far as weddings is concerned I am just repeating my family's traditions. My father has never worn a kilt to a wedding unless the grooom is kilted. He feels that it is disrespectful. In the U.S., everyone is not Scottish and some people are offended by kilts. I have been accused of cross-dressing by a non-Scot, and I had one evangelical Christian tell me that kilts are for gays, although he used the pejorative term for homosexuals.