Advice regarding rude people?

[Pleater]

Perhaps you are coming over as very 'mild mannered Clark Kent' in a dithering way that is possibly embarrassing to the Japanese psyche?

I 'hear' the way Japanese speak as rather forceful and blunt, which makes sense of all the body language and respectful words and phrases.

When about to speak men appear to move into the correct attitude, and then speak sharply and to the point.

This is just from watching various things on TV, notably a series of programs about a visit to Japan to organise some business - intended to assist those intending to do the same, where the protocols, office organisation and possible pitfalls were explained. The interviews were obviously 'stage managed' - it was all that was going on in the background that made the programs interesting.

I can only advise that you try short sharp respectful answers, maybe when sitting stiffly almost upright with slightly lowered gaze - watch how others react and then don't overdo it.

Isn't overly done politeness the same as being rude? They certainly used that in the office visit programs, laid it on with a spade, a sort of whole body sneer.

Anne the Pleater :ootd:

[Chas]

Yeah... You guys are right... Just saying "no" would be by far the easiest thing... I think that what's causing the problem is my incessant desire to be helpful... See, if they come in looking for him, and I KNOW where he is, it's just natural for me to want to tell them. Comes with the territory of being a teacher -- you have a desire to educate...

Don't say No - say Yes - and nothing more. The questioner then must re-engage with you if they want the answer.

Regards

Chas

[Coinneach]

Try being prepared with two automatic responses (in Japanese, of course): "No" and "I know where he is."

The first is for when you don't know where your colleague is.

The second is a power play, to be sure, but if they haven't closed the door and walked away, they ask for more information and at least seem willing to listen. If they close the door and walk away, they have to reopen it again when they have realized what you've said. The last bit may train them to listen first. If they walk away and don't come back you haven't wasted any time.

[Bruno]

I would recommend a thoughtful pause as if considering the question. They may pause a bit (hoping for any comment, feeling stupid asking a question and not waiting for any word back) this would break up their momentum and thus slow their exit, at that point when they are stalled a bit, speak up and say No.

[Streetcar]

You might consider following them out the door, and calling to them as they walk away - "Excuse me. I was attempting to answer your question. Can I help you?"

This puts the onus squarely back on them, and in a public setting. Their choice is to be publicly rude to you, or acknowledge the conversation. I'd wager it doesn't happen more than a couple times after that.

[CDNSushi]

Some more great advice. Thank you...

[piperdbh]

Or, when someone comes in the office, you could trying asking them if they know where Mr. So-and-so is. That'll confuse 'em!

[The Guy in the Kilt at UC]

Try saying yes.

[Dall_Piobaire]

All things we would all like to say, but, in reality it will bury you even more deeply into your hole. You feel insulted because they don't acknowledge you is really what it is. Perhaps, it makes you feel invisible at times. Everyone has pointed out good reasons, but I think Dtrain had the best solution ideally. Add one of those clocks put his name on it with "will be back at____ such and such a time"

Look at it this way, they may be just as annoyed as you for one reason or another, the very reason they are seeking the super. So repeating reasons, and rehashing might not really appeal at the time. Unfortunately, as the outsider, you just have to grin and bear it. Any ammo you give them, no pun intended, will just fuel how they perceive you!

[dfmacliam]

this might sound odd... but instead of asking us.... why not ask a trusted Japanese... if its a cultural issue.. wouldn't it be best dealt with in a cultural manner?... and might give you some respect for dealing with it in their manner...